PDA

View Full Version : How should I feel about my girlfriend


siaso
Jan 25, 2012, 05:31 PM
I have this new girlfriend that I really really like but then today I had this silly argument while I was asking for her advice about a problem I had and I felt somehow the she is kind of immature and both us are 19 years old and I had this feeling that I am missing my ex because she was mature and she always had the right advice to give but I know I should not feel this way and I liked my new girl friend but now I am kind of hesitated can you please help me? Thanks a lot

Oh and I forgot to mention that we have been together for 4 months :)

mmresd
Jan 25, 2012, 06:26 PM
If you don't feel like you are intellectually matching, maybe it would be better for you to reconsider having her as a girlfriend, better now than disappointments later.

talaniman
Jan 26, 2012, 07:45 AM
I have always found it helpful to let the emotional dust settle after those silly arguments before I open my mouth, and insert the other foot. Its human to have thoughts of better times and people when we are in conflict with the ones now, and your feelings are normal in that regard.

However, that's why you let the dust settle because conflicts are often 50/50, and even immature people can have a bad day, as well as the best adjusted. Sometimes guy, two partners are having a tough day at the same time, and no telling what thoughts run through our heads at the time.

The trick is my friend to have enough discipline and self control, to not act out on those feelings, out of impulse, and stay cool, calm, collected, and under control.

It is not at all unusual to have conflicts with strangers that you have become romantically attached to. Its only been 4 months. I think the thing to remember at this time is to stay cool, calm, and collected and stay in control of yourself, and not let this silly arguments frustrate you into impulsive actions or behavior.

Let the emotional dust settle and try talking again. Comparing the new partner to an old one is unfair, and expecting from her what you got from another is unreasonable. Adjust your expectations for your new partner, and enjoy the good things she does bring to the table.

bootnelroy
Feb 7, 2012, 01:01 PM
Until you can trust everything your girlfriend say,s or does... you havn,t found your soulmate

siaso
Feb 16, 2012, 03:52 PM
I have this new girlfriend who went to the us for some family stuff but now she spent like 5 months there and she told me she is going to continue another semester there in an another college and she is only coming for one day to get her mother and her sister and sadly I have to travel with my family and I already had bad experience with long relationship so it's tearing me inside because I really miss her and I really really like but it makes me mad that I can't see here and I am so angry and I don't know what should I do

mmresd
Feb 16, 2012, 04:36 PM
If the long distance is doing this to you, then you are going to have to break up, it will make you extremely unhealthy to be this way. If you want to toughen up, and actually give this long distance relationship a shot... then you are going to have to learn to control yourself.

indya
Feb 16, 2012, 10:29 PM
There isn't much you can do. Long distance relationships are really very hard to maintain. But if she's made up her mind, then being angry is not going to help you.

Technology has advanced, and you can always meet online, agreed it isn't the same as meeting in person. Also both of you can take a break while she completes her semester.

The call is yours, but anger and frustration will not take you anywhere.

Schoolmarm97
Feb 18, 2012, 09:48 AM
What I'm getting here is that you hooked up with a new girl after a breakup, and now you're not at all sure you did the right thing. Is that about it?

There's no "should" when it comes to feelings. There are plenty of "shoulds" surrounding behavior. You may like the new girl a lot, and she may be very attractive, but if what you want is a more mature person in your life, then you're not doing yourself or the new girl any favors by continuing to see her because you think you "should". What you should do is take a weekend off from her and spend the time really thinking about what you're looking for in a partner. It may be that you're still grieving over your lost relationship, and that needs to be put to rest. But it might also be that you really do need someone different, more like your ex, in your life.

At your age, you're on the edge of adulthood and nearly ready to make long-term plans. This isn't a good time to make a commitment to someone you're only with because of inertia or because you're not sure you can go it alone for a while.

Schoolmarm97
Mar 9, 2012, 09:43 AM
It sounds as if you are far more invested in this relationship than your girlfriend is. She has started to make a new life in the US, which I assume is very far away from your home country. I would suggest you keep in touch with her, but don't expect her to resume your relationship as it was even if she does return. You can hope that she will lose interest in living in the US, and she very well might, or you can consider moving here yourself, but you mustn't waste a great deal of time wondering. Talk to her and find out what she's thinking.

Good luck!