PDA

View Full Version : How to get a "father" to sign away his rights to my children


ajett1979
Jan 25, 2012, 09:02 AM
My children's father has been to prison 3 times since our divorce, is a horrible drug addict and takes no emotional, physical or financial responsibiity for his children. I'm needing to know what methods I need to take in order to remove him from being able to have any attachment, visitation, etc with my children. I have no issue in caring for, supporting and raising my children, I have been doing so since they were born. He likes to claim that my children love him and I'm only doing this to hurt him but, I'm doing this to preserve the security and wellbeing of my children. If anyone has any advice, please let me know.
Thank you!
Angela

kcomissiong
Jan 25, 2012, 10:27 AM
First off, you always want to state your location when asking a legal question. Laws vary, and knowing where you are will enable the members to give you the most accurate advice.

Basically you can't. Courts will rarely strip the rights of a parent, because it is in the best interest of the child to have both parents in their life. People can change, and courts give them an opportunity to do so.

From what you have stated, you are unlikely to get an involuntary termination with no adoptive parent. You may seek a voluntary termination if you have a spouse who would like to adopt, and if your ex refuses, you can petition to have his rights involuntarily terminated and cite his lack of visitation, support, prison time, and best interest of the children as a reason. However, this is difficult, expensive, and far more unlikely to happen.

Is there a current child support order in place? If not, you need to file to have one established immediately. He does owe support to your children, and even if it is never collected, you should make every effort to do so. Often, when faced with garnishment, suspension of an operators' license, or jail time, absent fathers are willing to consent to an adoption. I'd start by researching step-parent adoption requirements in your area.

ajett1979
Jan 25, 2012, 10:33 AM
First off, I am in Missouri, and yes there is a current order in place. Per his Parole Officer, he's lied about paying his support and the amount of arrears that he owes to her. Due to the amount of monies owed, I would have thought that would have been sufficient enough for them to garnish wages, revoke his CDL and throw him in jail but, so far... obviously not the case. He's admitted to continued meth use and lives in transitional housing. That is no place for my children to be near.
So in essence, I'm stuck with this horrid excuse for a "father" unless I can hook up with someone that would be willing to adopt my children and he willingly relinquishes his rights. Ugh!

kcomissiong
Jan 25, 2012, 10:48 AM
The law here is not always fair, but exists to protect both parents and children. It takes into consideration that he may change, or that with suitable treatment and help, he may become a more appropriate parent.

Continue to stay on top of the agency that enforces your child support order. Many are backlogged, and you sometimes have to be the squeaky wheel to get the attention that your case deserves. Continue to document his non payment, and lack of visitation, as they can be useful if you do even decide to pursue a step-parent adoption and he will not consent. I wish you luck.

Synnen
Jan 25, 2012, 11:14 AM
If he's not actually exercising his rights, then why bother?

If he IS--then why haven't you gone to court to get sole physical and legal custody, with any visitation listed as supervised?

Your kids have the right to know who their biological father is--even if they have no contact with him.

The laws regarding parental rights are in place to protect ALL parents. It's an awfully slippery slope to go from you saying that that the biological father is a no-good drug addict and you want his rights taken away to someone saying that YOU are a bad mother for whatever reason--you spank them or left them alone for 10 minutes while you took a shower or whatever--so that they can take your kids away from YOU. Protecting HIS rights is protecting YOUR rights, really.

Wondergirl
Jan 25, 2012, 11:59 AM
The laws regarding parental rights are in place to protect ALL parents. It's an awfully slippery slope to go from you saying that that the biological father is a no-good drug addict and you want his rights taken away to someone saying that YOU are a bad mother for whatever reason--you spank them or left them alone for 10 minutes while you took a shower or whatever--so that they can take your kids away from YOU.
It doesn't take much for that to happen. It was in this morning's news -- an eight-months pregnant mom awoke at 3 a.m. with her house on fire. Her 3-year-old and 6-year-old were awake and supposedly reheating leftover pizza in the kitchen. The pizza box caught on fire on one of the burners, so the older child put the burning box into a kitchen cabinet (to hide it? If you can't see it, it must not be on fire... ). The mother got out okay with the two "cooks," but two younger children died in the fire. DCFS has taken away the mom's two surviving children.

Had there been no indication when you met him and got pregnant by him that he was this way--irresponsible and a druggie?

kcomissiong
Jan 25, 2012, 12:39 PM
Syn, I assumed (maybe a mistake) that there was a custody arrangement in place because the couple in question was divorced.

OP-what does the current custody order say about visitation.

JudyKayTee
Jan 25, 2012, 12:44 PM
How to remove him as the father? You can't legally unless someone else agrees to adopt the children AND he agrees to relinquish his rights.

How to stop him from visitation with the children? Go to Court, PROVE he's a danger to them, ask that he get no visitation or restricted visitation or supervised visitation.

Was he "this bad" when you had children with him?