View Full Version : My sons bio dad hasn't been around and now wants a dna test?
mommy22boyz
Jan 22, 2012, 04:20 PM
HI I have a question in requards to my son. I became pregnant aftrer having a very short (4 week ) relationship w his "bio father". After I told him I was pregnant he was not interested in being in a relationship w me or having anything to do w the pregnancy. I would text him occasionally with when the doctor appointments where and how they where going but he would just say he didn't want to know. Well my son was born premature and I went through w the pregnancy by myself w him never showing up. 8 weeks after my son was born all of a sudden he wanted to start to come around, so me being stupid I allowed him (oh I forgot to mention he is not on the birth cert at all) . He saw him then and bought me a package of diapers and left and I never heard from him again. NO texts no emails no calls no nothing. Well I filed for child support on him 6 months ago and now he is requesting a dna test because he was told he will have to pay over $1000 a month and he has 2 other children by someone else he is no longer with and also pays her support. Mean while I have gone on with my life and have a boyfriend now who considers my son his. He has always been there for my son and treats him like he was his without a second thought. So After careful thought and prayers I want to know if the bio father isn't on the birth cert does he have any rights? And if he does can I get those rights taking away because he hasn't been around? I will give up the child support if that means he will stay out of our lives! I just don't want him to come into our lives now after 8 months and say he is my sons father when in all meaning of a father he isn't. How can I get him to just stay away ? Do I cancell my order for support? Do I get him to sign something saying he will stay away if I don't get support? Do I get married and but my husbands name on the birth cert so that way the bio father can't bother us? What can I do to protect my son from not having this low life in his life?
ScottGem
Jan 22, 2012, 04:26 PM
Yes, he has the same rights as ANY father. Being on the birth certificate or not doesn't change that. What it does change is it requires that he has to go to court to enforce his rights.
Since you filed for child support, he has the right to request a paternity test to confirm paternity. If the test shows positive, then he will be declared the legal father. Once that happens he can then petition the court for joint custody and visitation. This will be decided separately from your petition for support.
mommy22boyz
Jan 22, 2012, 04:43 PM
Can I make a plea w him to stay out of our lives? And if I do does he have rights to come back in 5 -10 years from now?
Fr_Chuck
Jan 22, 2012, 05:00 PM
Yes as the father he can go to court anytime during the child's life as a minor child to get visits ( or more)
Asking for a DNA test is normal and really is almost always done when he is not on the birth certficate before he will pay child support. So I am not sure why you are so upset over him asking for a DNA test, I would have thought it was just expected when you asked for child support.
As to his rights, it does not matter if you ask for support or not. If you don't ask for support , he can go to court tomorrow and ask for visits, heck he can even ask for joint custody.
I don't see any reason he is a danger to the child, expect you don't like him and he does not want a relationship with you. So unless he is some danger to the child he will get visits.
And no your boyfriend can not adopt unless the bio father would agree.
mommy22boyz
Jan 22, 2012, 06:52 PM
Wow the law really sucks then.that a man who never wanted his son can come into his life whenever he pleases. The only reason I'm mad is because it seems to me he didn't want anything to do w him until child support found him and now he wants to get a dna test so he can get out of a obligation that I'm willing to let him get out of if he never tries to find us or be apart of his life.
Fr_Chuck
Jan 22, 2012, 06:57 PM
Sucks is a frame of mind, from the legal side, it gives both parents equal rights as to custody and visits of the child.
Those rights are not easy to take away.
But with that said, most guys, will threaten all sort of things when child support is filed, they do this to try and scare the women from filing. After the child support order is put into place, they normallly disappear again. In fact most likely you will find it hard to find him and ever get your child support. * personal guess*
ScottGem
Jan 22, 2012, 07:08 PM
The law recognizes that a child is better off with both parents then with a single parent. That is why it allows the father to have rights. But the courts are generally instructed to consider the best interests of the child first. So the courts will look at the total picture to decide what to do.
As Chuck notes, fathers often make noises when faced with paternity. And they often don't follow through. And courts will look at prior history.
You are only looking at things from your viewpoint. The court has to look at the whole picture.
mommy22boyz
Jan 22, 2012, 08:10 PM
Chuck I know he wouldn't "disappear " because he has 2 other children he pays support for and he would never run from that baby momma because she knows how to find him. So if she could find so could I .
And I am very familiar w how the courts work because I have been in a custody battle w my x husband for 5 years now but because that court is in a different state other then California that's why I was asking the question. The courts in the other state are pro father and has made my life a living hell because I live in California. I have neglected or abused my children I have no criminal or drug past I have no duis and have never even been arrested. But for some reason me being a straight A student and only going to school to support myself isn't good enough for the courts in the other state because my x husband has primary custody and has a minimum wage job and lives w his parents who are pretty much raising my oldest son. The courts have a F ed up way of saying and doing what's in the best interest of the child.
mommy22boyz
Jan 22, 2012, 08:11 PM
Sorry the word not needs to be in the line of abuse.
ScottGem
Jan 23, 2012, 04:26 AM
Courts are staffed by humans. Humans don't always get it right.
J_9
Jan 23, 2012, 06:50 AM
Look at it this way... You filed for support, so why should he pay for a child that is not his? He wants to be sure he is the father before paying out this money.
It has little bearing on how much he has to pay, but he wants proof that this is his child before he shells out the money for what possibly (in his eyes) could be the child of another man.