nicole41
Jan 21, 2012, 01:08 PM
Boyfriend and I are both in our early forties. We have been together for 2/12 years. He has been legally separated during this time and is approaching the end of their divorce settlement. There are alimony and ongoing custody struggles with soon to be ex, so he has been under a lot of stress as things are wrapping up. He also suffers from chronic depression (since childhood) and went off all medication about 4 weeks ago because he didn't like the side effects. He did this on his own and without the advice of his therapist which he continues to see.
Over the holidays, we got into an argument because I needed more help around the house. In short, there are times when he stays over with me for 1-2 weeks, where he wants to rest and get away from all the trama of his day to day life. He isn't always like this, but it happens sometimes and can frustrating for me because I am tired and stressed out too sometimes.
He has not spoken with me on the phone for 3 weeks since the argument occurred. I have apologized via email for my piece in the argument and told him that if he isn't up to helping with a lot right now, that I understood and we just need to scale things back a bit so we are both getting rest during the time he stays with me.
He sent me an email about 2 weeks after the argument telling me that he loves me very much, wants to have a new life with me, and that I am the perfect person for him. However, he not sure he can give me what I need and deserve "right now" in this relationship. He says he needs more time to think it through, but hasn't given me an idea of when that will be. He also said that he is extremely depressed right now and feels like he is losing it.
We had plans of marriage, etc. And now I don't know what to think. I told him that I accept his need for space, and to let me know when he is ready to talk. I said if he needed anything (due to the depression), that he can reach out to me anytime as his friend and that we didn't need to discuss the relationship right now.
My question (sorry this is long winded), is how long is reasonable to wait? Do I cut off all contact and do NC? Or do I keep in contact since I think a lot of this has to do with his depression? He won't talk to me on the phone so contact would be email only. I haven't tried calling him, and only sent him 1-2 texts during this time so I am not trying to stalk him.
I love him, and would like this to work out, but I am not sure if his silence is a way of him breaking up with me. Any thoughts on this and how I should handle would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
After our argument,
Over the holidays, we got into an argument because I needed more help around the house. In short, there are times when he stays over with me for 1-2 weeks, where he wants to rest and get away from all the trama of his day to day life. He isn't always like this, but it happens sometimes and can frustrating for me because I am tired and stressed out too sometimes.
He has not spoken with me on the phone for 3 weeks since the argument occurred. I have apologized via email for my piece in the argument and told him that if he isn't up to helping with a lot right now, that I understood and we just need to scale things back a bit so we are both getting rest during the time he stays with me.
He sent me an email about 2 weeks after the argument telling me that he loves me very much, wants to have a new life with me, and that I am the perfect person for him. However, he not sure he can give me what I need and deserve "right now" in this relationship. He says he needs more time to think it through, but hasn't given me an idea of when that will be. He also said that he is extremely depressed right now and feels like he is losing it.
We had plans of marriage, etc. And now I don't know what to think. I told him that I accept his need for space, and to let me know when he is ready to talk. I said if he needed anything (due to the depression), that he can reach out to me anytime as his friend and that we didn't need to discuss the relationship right now.
My question (sorry this is long winded), is how long is reasonable to wait? Do I cut off all contact and do NC? Or do I keep in contact since I think a lot of this has to do with his depression? He won't talk to me on the phone so contact would be email only. I haven't tried calling him, and only sent him 1-2 texts during this time so I am not trying to stalk him.
I love him, and would like this to work out, but I am not sure if his silence is a way of him breaking up with me. Any thoughts on this and how I should handle would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
After our argument,