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KDrea005
Jan 17, 2012, 11:54 PM
So unfortunately my girlfriend and I had to move back in with my parents back in August. Its been a constant struggle for me to keep peace between my girlfriend and I and my parents. They (my parents) still think they can tell me or "suggest" what I should do with my money, how much time I should spend with them vs my girlfriend and think its OK to come into our room whenever we leave.

Several times my girlfriend and I have come home to find that our DVDs have been "borrowed" by my little brother, my hats are gone. One time my mom came in the room and cleaned it. But Even though I get filled with anger I try to tell myself that blowing up will only make the situation worse. In fact opening my mouth to say ANYTHING will cause conflict. So I tell my girlfriend that we should just keep our mouths sshut and keep saving to move out.

She's been bugging me for weeks to change the locks on the door and I told her no because I knew itd cause a fight. Well today behind my back she changed them anyway. And we just so happened to get a new bedroom set delivered. We had to work late tonight so I guess when we left my parents tried to go into the room but found that it was locked. As soon as we walked in he expressed how pissed he was that we never asked him to change the locks. We pay $200 in rent and about $200 a month for groceries. As much as I felt like throwing that in his face I didn't. Even though I'm mad at them I'm mad more at my girlfriend for not listening to me about the lock...

What should I do? Am I wrong?

talaniman
Jan 19, 2012, 06:15 AM
I will start with its your parents house, obey and respect the rules. You have your girl friend, and that means your space has to be respected, and defended against siblings, and its up to you to discreetly talk to YOUR parents. She acted where you probably should have. Its one thing to get along, its entirely another to NOT communicate. I would be talking to my parents on some level.

As you see silence to avoid conflict, creates its own conflicts.

Jake2008
Jan 19, 2012, 07:02 AM
I don't understand that if you and your girlfriend are both working, and you can afford to buy a new bedroom set, why you are living in your parent's home at all.

Saving to move, doesn't add up to buying a new bedroom set.

And how did the bedroom door knob/lock get changed- did your girlfriend do this herself? Pretty nervy of her to have done that.

For $200 rent, you shouldn't be complaining at all in my opinion.

What was the arrangement when you moved in? How long do you intend to stay, and was this discussed ahead of time? I think that you may have overstayed your welcome.

You might want to consider that two working adults could make other arrangements. Rent a room somewhere else, with a contract, and establish, in writing, what the rules of the house are. If your parents are also storing your possessions, rent a small storage unit with all your stuff, except the essentials.

I don't see any other alternative, except to move out.

PunkkBarbiee
Jan 19, 2012, 08:30 AM
Well, first things first; you all need to sit down in the living room and have a little talk with each other and talk about a little thing called boundaries. Don't be mad at your girlfriend; she was only trying to help you get your privacy. Although, you should let her know that you guys should consult each other before doing things like that, even if they seem little. As for your parents, they may think that they are helping you and are just supporting you, but you and your girlfriend also need your own personal space. Yes, it's their house, but with all do respect, you ARE paying rent.
One tip; when you are talking to your parents, don't use "YOU" statements (ie. You always come in my room. You always invade my space.) Instead, start by saying, "I feel like sometimes you enter my room without knocking or at least warning me, and well, I don't like it because I need my privacy."
Yes, you are still addressing your parent(s), but you aren't attacking them.

Best of luck,
-PunkkBarbiee.

KDrea005
Jan 20, 2012, 10:31 PM
Thank you guys for your suggestions they were very helpful

To jake2008 the only reason we got a bedroom set was because we were sleeping on an air mattress and it kept deflating. There was no other option but to get a bed but it was cheaper to get it with a night stand and dresser. Its affordable because we got it from aaron's where you pay $45 every two weeks until its paid off. Believe me it was the very last resort

As far as the two working adults your completely right I wish we made enough to just move out but we live in cali and most apartments in orange, los angeles, and san bernardino county require you to make 3 times the rent which we don't.. hell yes we over stayed our welcome but now it feels like were trapped... were able to get $200 worth of food a month because she was approved for EBT (food stamps) because she doesn't make much a month... all in all we're in a pretty unfortunate place right now.

talaniman
Jan 20, 2012, 11:10 PM
You don't have to be trapped if you make the effort to communicate honestly, and respectfully with your parents and your girl. I am sure they understand the circumstances and would rather help than hinder.

I know many in your boat. Pull together by talking dude, it doesn't have to be miserable, or unpleasant.