HI,

Well, I'm (a guy) dating this sometimes difficult guy.
You see he had a pretty rough past. He only told me everything about it and I still don't know he he survived all of this ****.
He grew up with abuse and was always put down. He grew up thinking he's not worth anything, so he is quite cold towards other people out of mistrust.
He also keeps everything inside, but when we are alone he's actually quite sweet and I know he'd do anything for me. We have good and bad days, the bad days can be quite rough, especially when he has one of his down times. I know he should talk to someone about everything but he can be a tad of a narcissist sometimes.
Still I love him and even though he never told me, I know by his actions and gestures that he loves me too.

Any advice on how I can help him more?

When we're with friends he hardly talks and he can be quite hurtful towards others (never to me). I know his past has been ****ty and I'm trying to give him stability as good as I can. I don't want to leave him. He means the world to me.

Oh, and I'm 32, he's 38.

I don't intend to leave him. We've been together for too long already. And I know I can't change him. I just wish I could help him more since it hurts me a lot when he has one of his down-time (as we call it).

We're together for almost 5 years and know each other for 6.

He also doesn't become aggressive or anything, only very depressed.

Maybe a check up, and being honest with his doctor. You never know if there is something that could be done, if his down times are part of his regular emotional cycle, or pattern. You have to start somewhere IF, and only if he is willing, or you learn to cope with those down times. Sometimes we just can't help much, no matter how much we want to.

You've just got to be there for him. He needs someone to hold onto, to make him feel secure, a shoulder to cry on. It sound clichéd, but I think that it's really that simple. He's only human, and if he wants to resolve his past, that's his decision, but you've got to support him whatever he decides to do. If your relationship were ever to become distressing for you, then you would need to escape it. But as long as he is loving towards you, he's got to be in the driving seat. By the way it sounds, I would say that you are secure emotionally, so you've got to let him be what he is.

When you say narcissist, do you mean Narcissist Personality Disorder? Maybe you can explain a little for me. Someone who is a narcissist has a high meaning of themselves. They disregard the feelings and emotions of others and lack empathy. They are cold and cruel. Running over whoever they can. They see you as a nobody and use you for their own selfish needs. They are verbally and emotionally abusive. Someone you need to keep your distance from. They do things to you that will leave you in shock.

If he doesn't display any of these symptoms than you should really try to see if he cuold try and get some help. Childhood trauma can mold the person who they are today. If he refuses to get help than you should give him an option... that if he doesn't get help now... you will leave him. It does hurt.. but it's for your sanity and his brighter future. Nobody enjoys talking to a therapist about childhood abuse or trauma but it's a part of healing. And it starts with him. You can't fix him or his problems, he has to fix him with a professionals help.

Good luck.