Start of with I live in NH, I have an 11 month old son.(sorry this is long, trying to give as many details as I can)

My son's father & I were "seeing" each other off and on but he was the only person I had any sort of sexual contact with for over 2 years. I got pregnant in May 2010. When I got pregnant he was home on R&R from Afghanistan (ARMY). When I told him I was pregnant he was all over the place, sometimes excited other times wanting abortion. The last time I heard from him personally was November 2011.

My son was born Feb. 2011. I filed for Child support March 5, 2011, was told it would take a couple months. Received 1st contact from DHHS child support division in June, went in for a meeting. Was told case was being sent to a state child support attorney. The state of NH made numerous attempts to get father to take paternity test voluntarily. In August I received notice of a court hearing for October because he had ignored all the notices the state of nh sent him.

I showed up for court in October, was informed there was a failure to serve papers for court because they had tried to serve him in NH (his legal address), he is currently stationed in Hawaii. They said they would contact the Army for an address to serve him at, and a new court date would be established. A new court date still hasn't been set, I know the initial court date will be to order him to take a paternity test because he's still refusing, so I know there will be more time after that date before child support is established. I am trying to make it with out applying for welfare benefits for my son, but its getting harder and harder so child support would really help right now.

Another question... I have recently learned he got married in March 2011 (they were not together when my son was conceived), a few weeks after I filed for child support. He got home form Afghanistan in Dec. 2010, they got married March 2011 before he PCS'd to Hawaii. His wife sent me a message on Facebook, apparently she had been snooping his Facebook and had seen pictures I had sent him of our son, and she wanted to "know what the deal was" because he had never mentioned a son. They now have a child together, and she has a child from a previous relationship. She is saying that if the paternity test(that he still won't take) comes back saying my son is his that they are filing for full custody, if I am lucky they will give me 50/50. She claims that they have a more stable environment for raising a child because they are married and I am not. What are the chances of a judge taking my son away from me or granting them 50/50 custody where my son has never met them AND they are in Hawaii, I am in NH?

The old, if you file for support I will take the child threat, that is one of about three you will hear. No at most they can ask for joint custody, unless you are a unfit mother which I assume you are not. But since they do not live down the road, there is no way they can even get that. If they want to move back to NH they may get more custody level.

These are threats to try and make you back down.
You really needed to have filed in court yourself, hunted him down yourself and had him served, I will assume you did not because you could not afford your own attorney and the such.
If there are court orders for a DNA test, contact the base commander and send him copies of the order telling him that the father is not accepting service and not taking the test. ** They think very poorly of that in the military.