I have two young daughters from a previous relationship (two and three years old) and I have a son with my current girlfriend who is now 6 months old, my current girlfriend is 22 years old and I am 27 years of age. Me and my girlfriend get on great until my girls from my previous relationship come around, I have my girls for two days air two nights a week. The problem lies with my girlfriends relationship with my three year old daughter, I make an effort naturally to make my daughters time with me as special as special as possible, I am guilty of spoiling them and having a good time, no more, to my point... My children are always so excited to see me and the first few hours of having them with me are magical until my partner feels the need to be very negative towards my three year old daughter. My partner is very strict with her and will tell her off constantly for very little and when she is good she is reluctant to offer her praise, I have confronted her numerous times about her behaviour and told her how I expect her to conduct herself around my daughter, when I do this I am usually confronted by hostility, very defensive of the way she is, she will not talk about the situation and the result is she will hardly speak to me for the day making the atmosphere in the house or environment we are in very uncomfortable for my children and I, my eldest usually then asks to go home to her mother. I have more than my theories behind this behaviour, but an independent analysis from others would be a godsend, she fantastic with our son, may I add she was this way with my eldest prior to having Sion..

What type of behavior are they doing,
If this was not "YOUR" child, would you also expect the child to behave better.

Not saying right or wrong at this time, but I do often see fathers who do not see children regular, want it to be all party and no rules, which is very wrong and when they send kids home to mom they don't want to behave there either.

How life should be normal, even when you pick them up, you don't allow them to get away with extra things either.

Without knowing what she is getting on to them about it is hard to judge

She seems to be jealous of the attention your daughter is getting. That is her problem to deal with the way I see it. You only have them a few days of the week and if she can't handle that then what are you to do. You've talked to her and it made no difference in the way she approaches all of this.

Not telling you what to do but if I was in that situation... Your children are more important than anyone that has come into your life that can't accept them. They will always be your kids. If she can't handle it, I would tell her she needs to re-think it or leave entirely.

Odinn I may agree or disagree, I have seen fathers bring their child home, this child can jump on the sofa, lleave things on the door open, talk back to the step parent or other children in the house, even take things away from other kids in the house and nothing is done, and if the step parent tries to enforce the regular rules for all the other kids in the house, they are considered the evil person.

That is why I wanted to know more about what the step mom was getting upset about.

My eldest is very loving and wants a lot of my attention where as my youngest daughter is a free spirit, she will enjoy her time with everyone, the attention she demands from me seems to be the problem with my girlfriend. An example of the behaviour she is punished for would be as followed, the most recent incident would be my eldest daughter chewing on the end of her dress belt, granted I ask her to stop and explain why but my partner feels the need to immediately raise her voice without any sort of prior warning or consulting me first. My main concern regardless of how she behaves is my girlfriends reluctance to talk about the situation and behave so child like when confronted. At times when they bicker and bicker is the right word, during this bickering I observe them, it appears my girlfriend fails to understand my daughter is only three years of age and at times the level the two converse on seems equal.

Odinn I may agree or disagree, I have seen fathers bring their child home, this child can jump on the sofa, lleave things on the door open, talk back to the step parent or other children in the house, even take things away from other kids in the house and nothing is done, and if the step parent trys to enforce the regular rules for all the other kids in the house, they are considered the evil person.

That is why I wanted to know more about what the step mom was getting upset about.


I understand and I have seen that before as well. Perhaps I did just jump to the conclusion first whereas having a little more information may have been a benefit. Luckily, in this case, it didn't matter.

Odd - this is not the situation you post over here: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/getting-back-ex-after-emotional-few-years-apart-has-much-happened-621884.html#post2982302 - where your interest is getting back with the "love of your life" and seeking help with whether to walk away from this girlfriend and this child.

Judy, why confuse a good question with the truth.
Perhaps he wants to hear leave the girlfriend and needs to hear it from someone else.

I would never walk away from my child, I must stress that! There is nothing odd or contradictory about the questions I ask, one question simply leads on to the other, I haven't posted either to be criticised, they are both ready to be answered, not cross sectioned and one dragged across to the other... Please answer each 'ask' individually.

Please answer based on the facts given, if there is something you need to know ask, don't make assumptions please

You are so wrong, as the facts of each is very relevant and related. How ever I will answer them individually as you have requested.

WARNING, May be harsh and judgemental, BUT honest

It's a big mistake in my view to tell your current partner how to treat YOUR kids while they visit YOU. You should tell YOUR kids how they will be expected to behave while they are visiting you AND your new partner. Parenting is seldom effective if not done jointly. I think you have a resentment for your current partner, that (from your other posts) keeps you from being objective. Heck, I am hard pressed to even think you are happy about your new family, and hide behind commitment to your infant son in resolving your own issues. Until you do, your thinking will always find flaws in your current partner, and a sympathetic longing for the old one.

Its not about the females in your life, but more about your own thinking and view of trying to be perfect to keep favor with your girls, instead of being an effective parent. Let the current partner, and your older daughter develop there own relationship on THEIR terms, not yours, and be a united front for ALL your children. Pay attention, your current partner is a good mother from what you wrote, but is not good enough for your daughters from a previous relationship??

GIVE ME A BREAK!!

Talaniman, please read the lyrics and not somewhere between where you are currently finding yourself.. I haven't suggested one isn't related to the other, I have simply asked that each is answered individually.. I am fully aware one is subjective of the other and I am also fully aware on what grounds. Thankfully our views on parenting are completely chalk and cheese and I will leave it there rather than picking the rights and wrongs of your comments. On another note in which you haven't read this thread correctly, the behaviour towards my eldest from my current partner is unfair end of.. I respect your honest opinion but its off the mark, you are you discussing topics I am already aware of and not the questions that are staring right at you, my current partner is a great mother and I am a great father to each of my children, equal and fair, however the problem lies with my current vindictive, possessive, self centered partner who would love nothing more than to take me away from my family (she has suggested it on many occassions), so it can be her, my son and I, it isn't simply the lack of relationship between the two, it's the way she is with my eldest. She is a fab mother to her own, however a resentment of my previous family life and a general resentment of men (oh god I cannot even go into some of the things she has said, even a person by your morale standards would find totally unforgiving). This isn't about my state of mind, its not the problem here, the problem is a series of events leading up to today from both female parties in my life which has led to this dilemma, I haven't even brushed the surface, this is a complex, totally individual case I assure you, so rather than jumping the gun and coming up with your ludicrous solution to my dilemma, which may I add is so cliché (its all in his mind), delve further, ask me some follow questions and he shall answer, if the psychologist in you feels the need to judge based on a few hashed together paragraphs your judge of character is under scrutiny in my eyes. A very old philosophy would sum this up, never judge a book by its cover! To many here seem very quick to judge rather than assist, one of lifes shortfalls I fear. Never mind, please give me a break from this one dimensional, narrow minded approach to what you obviously believe is the long lost answer to all of my lifes problems..

Didn't think you would like my comments. But unless you have some facts then you get what you get, and though you want individual answers to what you see are two different questions that hardly possible since they are the same question that YOU cobbled together.

If you want them merged, I will, less confusing that way, but don't expect to copy and paste a response in two places and get a response back and forth. But I do have a question,

What the hell are you doing with a female who underminds your other family?

If that is indeed the case, you should be a single father who pays child support, and has joint custody, instead of spinning your wheels with a female you feel has trapped you and treats your oldest daughter badly.

It would seem for as smart, and successful as you profess to be, when it comes to dealing with your partners, you have no clue.

Therefore being single and responsible is where you have to go, not back to a female you ran from in the first place.

And for the record, read my comments through the facts, not your hurt feelings, as I am sure my parenting credentials are above reproach seeing as I have raised many into adulthood, and guided MANY more, and all my grand kids are a lot older than yours, The eldest be 14, the youngest 8.

Parenting/mentoring is what I do, so drop the hurt feelings and get to the facts.

Talk to your partner. About all of this.

Your expectations are getting in the way.

Who are the adults here? Excuses, excuses.

All of this is easily fixable if you try.

Maybe this all stems from who you are with? Huh?
Jumping into things. Your decisions.

Like I said, expectations vs reality & actions.

I would never walk away from my child, I must stress that! There is nothing odd or contradictory about the questions I ask, one question simply leads on to the other, I haven't posted either to be criticised, they are both ready to be answered, not cross sectioned and one dragged across to the other... Please answer each 'ask' individually.


Please don't attempt to direct how AMHD works - not the least bit unusual to "research" a user in order to get the entire story. Of course, that was the case here.

No one here knows you. All opinions (and advise) are based on what you have chosen to post.