Jane mum gets shoot when she is five. Jane has a older sister who is five years older then her. Her sister Lucy promise her mum that what ever happened to them they always stick together. But then they got foster homes and Lucy won't let no one near Jane. So they diside to separate them.
Jane moves into a loving family who adore her. She has one brother that is her age and a older sister.
As jane grows up she forgets who Lucy is. But jane knows that she is adopted.
Harry her adoptive brother (not real brother) falls for her and she for him
On her sixtieth birthday they go swimming and he goes and gets ice cream and she goes to the peer.
She slips and hit her head on the wood and fall down in the sea drowning.
He saves her. When they take her to the hospital they kiss.
They know it wong, but they can't help themselves.
When she come back from the hospital .
They tell each other they loved each other since they met

What should happened next?

How long do you want this story to be? Is this a summary or the actual story? If it's the actual story, you must add many more details in the beginning to make it interesting and to build up the excitement. The kiss could be the surprise ending of the story.

"On her sixtieth birthday they go swimming" = "On her 60th birthday they go swimming."

Hi I am 13 and I wrote a love story... Hope you like it and comment please...

I sat on top of the balcony. Feeling my feeling for him get big and bigger. Harry. That's his name. Harry they boy that I knew since I was five years old. I was adopted into his family. I remember when he saved me. I was drowning. I could feel the cold salty water drown my lungs. I could feel my spirit fall into darkness by then... He was there. Standing over me. Trying to save me. I went back to breathing. My eyes slowly opened. Violent coufs of water poured out of my mouth.
'I thought I lost you'. His voice was desperate. 'You saved me Harry'. I said feeling his chest on mine. That day I realise that I loved him more then anything. He was my one and only.
I sat there on the hospital bed. The doctor checking my blood pressure.
Mum burst into my room. Her blue eyes were red. Ooh Jane, what were you thinking?' her voice was hurting. Mum I slipped, you should be thanking Harry he saved me'.
There was a long pause. Mom rushed towards Harry and hugged him tight. Think you'. She whispered
The doctor came in again. Only one person at a time please, she needs her rest'. He said flipping the pages on his pad. 'You should stay Harry' Dad said tapping his shoulders. Everyone field out. Harry sat my bed his hands on mine.Thank you'. I whispered. Any time'. He said
We got home and I when up to my bedroom sitting down on my bed. Reliving myself drowning, but Harry comes and saves me. There was a knock at the door. I rushed to open it. It was Harry.
He leaned forward and kissed me. His lips were soft. The taste of it was hard to believe. My hand made there way to his head and my fingers tangled on his soft blond messy hair. His tongue met mind. His tongue was soft and kissable. I backed away looking into his dark twilight blue eyes. He looked at me hungrily. Um sorry'. He admitted softly. He rushed towards the door. Wait Harry! I shouted. He stopped. He turned around and stared at me. 'Please don't go'. He sighed and sat back down next to me. 'I shouldn't of kissed you, you are sapose to be my sister'. He said angrliy. 'Were not related Harry'. I said touching hi hands. 'I know but it wrong'.
'I always loved you Harry, when we met you were my best friend, I always came into your room to play games with you at the age of five'. I whispered. 'I love you'. I cried. He looked up at me. His yes blue as ever. 'I love you too'.
'I mean, I always have since I met you'. He laughed. 'Kiss me' I insisted.
He leaned forward again kissing me softly. He pulled me towards him pressing our chest together. He was afraid he will hurt me. He touched my back gentilly. I suddenly began kissing him stronger and he responed by pushing me against the hard wall. I opened my mouth wider so I can let his tongue meet mine. He ran his hand down my back and into my jeans. I felt myself wiggle into his embrace. He backed away taking his top off hungrily, quickly. Before I new it my top was over my head and he was lying over me kissing my neck. He gave me on large kiss and unbuttoned his jeans.
'Hello, I'm home' Mom shouted from down stairs. He backed away. 'Crap'. He said. He put his shirt back on and bottomed his jeans. I was siting on the bed my hair all over my face. I put my pink top back on. 'This is crazy'. He said breathless. He rushed towards the door and banged it shut. I sighed.
Did I just kiss Harry?
Was I going to have sex with him?
This is beyond bad, but I don't care because I love him.
I rushed own stairs and I saw him helping mum with the bags of food. 'Oh, here jane take it in to the kitchen, Harry will help you I need to go and pick up your sister from art class'. She said handing over bags full of food.
She left and the room was silent. 'What wrong? I asked. 'I love you but is this the right thing to do? He asked.'We been through so much, don't tell me I can't love you any more? I yelled. 'You can love me, just between us then'. He said living the bags on top of the contour. He put his hands on my waist and pushed his hips on to mine. He lived me up on the counter and gave me one last kiss before mom came. 'I love you jane...
'I love you too'. I said putting his head on my chest.


So how is it?

Sorry my computer is going mental

Yh is it good so far though
Story line?

No, it's not "good" so far. Like I said, you must add more backstory, more in the beginning to build up suspense and excitement. Who are these people? Tell us more about them. Tell us more about their lives, their likes and dislikes, how they feel about things.

Why and how did the mum get shot? Did she die? Why foster homes? How did Jane get to the hospital after she fell into the water? A reader will have lots of questions, so you need to answer them as you write.

Once you do that, I will help you edit it and make it a fantastic story that you can be proud of!

It's not really forbidden because Jane and Harry aren't related. Why not keep it a secret about the foster situation so readers think they are really brother and sister? Then do a surprise ending with the revelation that they aren't related. Maybe the mum can shock them with that information. Use your kiss story in another thread as part of the beginning of the whole thing.

Omg thanks
This is my first story and I am trying

Keep writing! (I think we should merge your two threads.)

What do u mean?

I am on a apple were should I write the story(not on a paper)

Stay here and keep adding stuff. We'll put it all together later.

I lay next to him alseep. My head on his chest. His heart beating fast. I never want to get up, I could stay there for ever. I'm afarid of what is coming. His chest in hailing and outhailing. I'm one step closer. 'Dont be afraid, I love and always will'. He whisperd into my ear. I gave him a sweet soft smile. 'How do you know I am afriad? I asked. 'I know you, way too much'. He said. I held my palm out. Our palms touching. Is it possible to love someone this much? I can't lose him. How van I love him when I am afraid of what is happning. I sat up. 'Promise what happned you will stay with me, no matter'. I tilted my head. 'I promise that ill love you forever and ever... I leaned forward and kissed him. I got up and walked away. 'See you later'. I smiled.
I sat on my bed. I felt on single tear. Fall down my cheek. I'm too afrai to go inside. I don't want to hurt him.
Mom yelled from down stairs. I rushed dowm stairs and found Emily and mom arguing. 'What's going on? Harry asked.
'Your sister is pregnant! Mom yelled. 'Your what? I said. 'Dont butt in your not even in this family! She shouted. It hurts when someone says that. Emily never liked me. What did I ever do to make her hate me so much. 'Dont speak to her like that! He shouted. I sat down on the stairs. 'Dont try to protect her, before she evn came into this family we were so happy, and even know why she had to butt in our lives! I stood up feeling my eyes fill with tears.'Emily! Harry yelled. 'Its fine harry'. I said trying to pull back the tears.'Im moving out! I can't stand live in this house! She yelled and stormed out. I felt like leaving too. I turned around and followed her out. I could feel Harry's hand hold me back. 'Dont'. He pleded. 'Let me'. He lost grip and let me follow her out. 'Emily! I shouted. 'Wait! I yelled. 'What! She shouted. 'Look I'm sorry I took your place as the girl in the family, I'm sorry that I get all the attention! She frowned. 'I just been through so much... No one knows this but... My mom was shoot in front of me, I was four Emily, she took me to work with her in the bank, she was trying to protect me and he thought he was going to call the police and he shoot her! I shouted. I felt thousands of tears run down my cheeks. 'Please understand that I know what you are going through. 'I can't, I'm sorry'. Tears fell down her cheeks and she ran away from me. I kneeld down in the middle of the road. Crying.
'Jane please lets go in'. Harry said. 'She hates me'. I sobbed. I stood up and hugged him. Tight. 'Cry, let it all out'. He said patting my back. Tears fell.

We got home. Mom was sitting down next to dad crying and there was a girl next to her. Big brown eyes like me. Long brown wavy hair. Mom wiped her tears. The girl looked at me and smiled. A tear fell down her cheek. I rasied a eye brow. 'Hi'. She said. 'Iam Phoebe'. The name was familier. 'Hi' I said. Harry looked at mom. 'Jane this is your sister, you real sister'. A long pause filled the room. I started shaking. 'Ive been trying to look for you all my life Rose, I missed you so much! She said. 'My name isn't Rose its Jessica Jane but I like Jane better'.
' I know, do you remember me Rose? She whisperd. 'No sorry'. I said. 'Not even one memorie?'she asked 'No, sorry'. I answer. 'I can't believe I found you'. She smiled. 'Ill leave and let you think about this, your mom has my phone number so if you want to call me you can'. She added. 'Okay'.
She left the room in silence. She stopped, tunrned around and said 'I never stopped looking for you, I kept moms promise, I hope you kept yours...
What was my promise to mom?
I didn't have a chance to ask her she left before I could say any thing.

I walked to my bedroom. The girl... The girl from my dreams. The one that never let anyone near me'. I said to myslef.
Phoebe...