PDA

View Full Version : I need to share what has happened to me... (and advice would be welcome)


Canterra
Dec 21, 2011, 12:10 AM
About three years ago my parents got a divorce. This didn't come as a shock, and to be honest I didn't really mind. While my parents were going through the divorce process, my dad stayed at our home. And my mom was staying at her friend's house for the time being. Eventually my dad left the house because he didn't have a job, and he was going to stay with his old hockey buddy. And my mom left her friend's house and moved back into our family home.

Then about two months after my parents said they were through, my mom threw a curve ball at me. She was talking to a guy over the phone while in the car. I could tell something was up by her voice. I asked her when her conversation was over if that was her boyfriend. She at first tried to tell me it was her friend Tanya. (And I hate it when people lie to me--and could tell she was). She eventually told me it was her boyfriend, and they went to Vegas together. And all I could think was, "Wow, Mom, you're a real whore to go to Vegas with a guy just after you got a divorce.

She started telling me all these great things about her new boyfriend Jaime. He started coming to the house every day after that and always spent the night. The only safe place in my mind was with my dad, but that started becoming a struggle. An old hockey buddy of my dad's moved in, and he was a drunk. Every second of every day he was drunk. He would throw up everywhere, and he could barely walk without tumbling over. I loved him and cared for him, but I knew he was going to die if he kept this up.

Then things at my mom's started getting worse, and her and Jaime were fighting a lot. Sometimes she would lock him out of the house, but he always found a way in. And then he would pin her down the ground and hurt her, but I was to afraid to step in. Anyway, they always thought I was asleep, so he thought he could get away with murder. And when they weren't fighting, I would always hear them grunting and moaning, and I'm not stupid--I knew what they were doing.

Jaime would always buy me and my sister expensive things which my sister loved, but I still had EXTREME hatred towards him. Then, about five months and after my parents divorce, I noticed things at my dad's house starting to disappear. My computer, my iPod, my camera, etc. And then I found out my dad was pawning them off.

Shortly after, I found out my mom took me away from my dad. The police one day rang the door bell at my dad's and forced me to leave. That was one of the WORST days of my life. My mom told me my dad was addicted to cocaine and was creating an unsafe environment. Then when the court date came, I was allowed only one phone call a day and NO visitation.

Then just a ton of somewhat minor incidents happened after that, possibly moving, being bullied at school, the death of loved one (compared to what comes next, those are minor to me). Then once my mom and Jaime had been dating for almost two years, after many vacations, holidays, days with him, we found out he was married. And not only that, but he had a girlfriend too.

My mom, of course, was crushed, and NO ONE hurts MY family. I was enraged. I had known from the beginning he was trouble, and I hadn't stopped him. Then later that night, he came to the house, and threatened to kill us all with a gun. He finally left--no harm, no foul. We didn't even file a police report.

My mom went through a severe state of depression. I don't think me and my sister even mattered then. All my mom wanted was Jamie. I didn't tell my dad about anything that was going on. He didn't need anything to stress him out. Then one day I was pulled out of school early, and I didn't know why. My sister came to pick me up, and apparently it had to do with Jamie. He had come to the house drunk and wrestled with my mom and stole her phone. He did this because he thought she was now dating her ex-husband Joe. So me and my mom and my sister packed our things, and went to a hotel.

We had police officer with us 24/7 because he was a very dangerous man. His whole life he had been trained to use a gun and is a extreme threat. They had a warrant out for him because he was nowhere to be found. When they finally found him, he did a hit and run, DUI, and reckless driving, and assault. He only had twenty days in jail. Personally, I wanted him to be locked away forever. But I knew how drastic that was.

We never saw him again until the 3rd of July. Now before I move onto that story, I need to explain what is happening with my dad. He moved out to Indiana with his family, and I get to talk to him all I want on the phone. But I do miss him dearly.

Now back to July 3rd--my mom took me out to a carnival thing where we rode rides and did a bunch of stuff. Then when we were getting off this ride, we saw Jamie and his daughter Isabelle. I freaked out and I just froze, and my heart just stopped beating all together. He greeted us with a welcoming smile, and tried to give me a hug. My mom had filed a restraining order against him so I was REALLY scared. He told me to go on a ride with Isabelle, and then my mom did too. I was waiting in line and they were holding hands; I could tell she still loved him.

So when I got off the ride, he wanted to talk with me. He said he was sorry for what he had done. So I told him he needs to go f**k himself. Then my mom invited Isabelle to spend the night with us, and my stomach dropped. Jamie walked us to our car, and then gave my mom a hug goodbye. That whole night I could barely look at Isabelle without thinking about her dad. I wanted to throw up. Then my mom drove her to a gas station where he picked her up. (Oh yeah, I forgot to mention my mom got a DUI as well. Sorry, didn't mean to confuse you--that was before this, though).

Then on the 4th of July, my mom went missing. No one could find her, and her car and purse were still at the house. She was gone, and no one could find her, so we eventually contacted the police who tracked her phone. She took off by foot to some random place, and she was hard drunk. My neighbors didn't want me to miss out on the 4th of July celebration, so they took me with them--me and all of the neighborhood kids went to this celebration. I tried to have fun, but I was having troubled focusing.

By the time I got back to the neighborhood, my mom was at the house. All my neighbors wouldn't let me see her because she went a little crazy. So my sister came to talk to me, and she told me mom tried to kill herself. She was really upset by seeing Jamie, and she wanted to die. I was horribly struck by this, and I didn't know what to do. So my mom's friends Dale came to come and get me, and I spent the night at his house. In the morning he drove me over to my house, and told me to be aware.

Last night, my mom locked herself in her room, so someone had to kick the door down. So now she has no door, and she kicked a pretty large hole in her wall. So our house is kind of destroyed. When I walked in, my mom was on the couch crying. I laid next to her, and we talked.

When all of that somewhat blew over, my dad moved back to Colorado, and I now had visitation. So we would go from motel to hotel back to motel again, just really whatever he could afford. I didn't mind living in hotels, personally. I just loved being with him. Now pretty much this whole story is up to date, except now my mom thinks my dad is an unfit parent because she thinks he is an alcoholic. And my dad is trying to take me away from my mom because everything in the past is making a unstable environment. So I fear there is a chance I won't be able to live with either of them.

Thank you for reading my terribly long story.

P.S.- Everything in this story is 100%, and this is not a made-up thing. This is what has actually happened to me. And I would like advice on how to deal with everything that is going on. Thank you.

joypulv
Dec 25, 2011, 03:52 AM
It's early Christmas morning, Canterra, and I hope you are OK and able to enjoy today in some way.
I can't believe no one replied to you, but maybe because you said you just needed to share. But at the end you said you wanted advice.
You don't say how old you are. You write well and sound intelligent and aware, two attributes that will help you later, if you can keep your emotional state on an even keel.
Often times when both parents can't get along, can't be responsible, can't take care of their children because they can't take care of themselves, the children grow up fast and prove to be very responsible.
This sounds like you.
How are you now, today?
What thoughts do you have about your life, your future as an adult after you leave home, wherever that may be?

Canterra
Dec 26, 2011, 12:59 AM
Thank-you joypulv I am thirteen... And merry late Christmas to you to... Today was a fairly emotional day but I can always deal, its not like this hasn't happened before. My mom made my dad take a drug today on Christmas so I didn't get the opportunity to visit with him. My mom said that I won't be able to see my dad until he gets a apartment or any stable home. He has been sleeping at the office where he works at for the past couple days. He spent his Christmas working and non-stop working. And that was the thing that put me down the most. I want everyone to have a Merry Christmas, especially someone as important as my father. Thank-you for replying and so far my plans are definitely to go to college. And possibly be like a photographer or something by those means. I think that is what you were asking, but I'm not sure haha.

Canterra
Dec 26, 2011, 01:00 AM
Drug test not a drug...

joypulv
Dec 27, 2011, 08:20 AM
That was a funny slip.
I meant whatever you wanted it to mean, career, plans, thoughts, anything. Sort of a way to disentangle yourself from having to raise your parents all by yourself.
I do feel bad for your dad. At least he has a job and loves you (right?). Do you think he is an alcoholic/drug addict or just your mother?
Do you think you have any good attributes of either parent?
Photography actually does have as good job possibilities as any. I know people who've done it for a living, either self employed or as an employee. One friend's daughter went to an intensive school just for photography (not college) and got a job taking pictures from airplanes. I have a nephew in an arts program in CA and takes incredible pictures (just when I thought no one could see something new out there). Good luck.
Too bad you didn't take a picture of your dad sleeping in his office on Christmas morning.