Asy72
Dec 19, 2011, 06:46 PM
This has developed into a draining situation. I can't blame anyone but myself for getting into it though but I am afraid of what sort of decision I should make right now.
Here is the story:
I met Jay a few years ago through mutual friends, we hung out a few times but continued to talk through texts/online as we finished up high school that year. After high school we didn't hang out but we still talked, a ton, and ran into each other randomly. I had the biggest crush on Jay since day one, I later found out he did too (way to late though). Anyway we went our separate ways, me to college upstate and he joined the navy. After boot camp he still continued to talk to me but we hadn't seen each other in months. He'd call me drunk, I'd call him drunk, we'd leave messages, we talk through text, email, phone calls...
I eventually gave up on the idea that we'd get to date, I pushed it out of my head numerous times but it kept coming back. I dated people at my school over this time but in the back of my head I just couldn't give up on Jay, he was different, our personalities/interests clicked more than anyone else I knew(not to mention he was kind of gorgeous).
In October I finally got to see him after almost a year. We went to see a movie and then spent a good hour walking/talking around the city. It began and ended with a hug, we were both nervous, we planned on hanging out the next weekend but it didn't workout. After that we didn't talk much like we used to, I felt like maybe he realized he didn't like me or something. I freaked out inside, in some ways it broke my heart but I wasn't even sure if what I thought was true was actually true. I pushed him out of my head yet again, and then I made a decision... I kissed another guy, Andy, which began our relationship. Andy is a totally different type of guy and I actually didn't even see our relationship lasting more than then a few random make outs. Yet, Andy told me his feelings, told me he wanted a relationship and wanted to be with me. I like him, it wasn't lust/love at first sight but I was being more and more attached to him.
But then suddenly Jay and I started talking again, it was weird. But he was leaving for deployment in two weeks at this point. I felt guilty not telling him about the other guy (Andy), but I felt like it wasn't important since me and Jay were never anything and didn't act like we were. Andy knew about Jay, I told him before our relationship was official that I had some insecurities because I had feelings for someone else. He hid how he felt about it, I guess just hoped I'd forget about it once Jay left.
Its been a few weeks now, honestly inside I'm torn. I am verging on saying that I'm in love with Jay. Isn't that ridiculous though? I'm college student, how do I really know what love is. But all I know is the way I feel about Jay is unlike any other feeling I've had. I care deeply about Andy, I'm just struggling to see a future for numerous reasons.
I'm also feeling guilty, I'm a virgin but I've done some very physical things with Andy after only a few weeks. Yes I know I'm young and its college so some people say it doesn't matter that much but I know he's going to expect sex at some point and I really do not want to because my beliefs on sex are pretty firm (needs to be someone I love and trust enough that if I was to get pregnant then we could handle it, not to mention that's something I personally don't feel like dealing with in college so I've chosen to wait till after).
I need some advice, no one knows this situation at all and I have no one to tell the entire thing to.
Here is the story:
I met Jay a few years ago through mutual friends, we hung out a few times but continued to talk through texts/online as we finished up high school that year. After high school we didn't hang out but we still talked, a ton, and ran into each other randomly. I had the biggest crush on Jay since day one, I later found out he did too (way to late though). Anyway we went our separate ways, me to college upstate and he joined the navy. After boot camp he still continued to talk to me but we hadn't seen each other in months. He'd call me drunk, I'd call him drunk, we'd leave messages, we talk through text, email, phone calls...
I eventually gave up on the idea that we'd get to date, I pushed it out of my head numerous times but it kept coming back. I dated people at my school over this time but in the back of my head I just couldn't give up on Jay, he was different, our personalities/interests clicked more than anyone else I knew(not to mention he was kind of gorgeous).
In October I finally got to see him after almost a year. We went to see a movie and then spent a good hour walking/talking around the city. It began and ended with a hug, we were both nervous, we planned on hanging out the next weekend but it didn't workout. After that we didn't talk much like we used to, I felt like maybe he realized he didn't like me or something. I freaked out inside, in some ways it broke my heart but I wasn't even sure if what I thought was true was actually true. I pushed him out of my head yet again, and then I made a decision... I kissed another guy, Andy, which began our relationship. Andy is a totally different type of guy and I actually didn't even see our relationship lasting more than then a few random make outs. Yet, Andy told me his feelings, told me he wanted a relationship and wanted to be with me. I like him, it wasn't lust/love at first sight but I was being more and more attached to him.
But then suddenly Jay and I started talking again, it was weird. But he was leaving for deployment in two weeks at this point. I felt guilty not telling him about the other guy (Andy), but I felt like it wasn't important since me and Jay were never anything and didn't act like we were. Andy knew about Jay, I told him before our relationship was official that I had some insecurities because I had feelings for someone else. He hid how he felt about it, I guess just hoped I'd forget about it once Jay left.
Its been a few weeks now, honestly inside I'm torn. I am verging on saying that I'm in love with Jay. Isn't that ridiculous though? I'm college student, how do I really know what love is. But all I know is the way I feel about Jay is unlike any other feeling I've had. I care deeply about Andy, I'm just struggling to see a future for numerous reasons.
I'm also feeling guilty, I'm a virgin but I've done some very physical things with Andy after only a few weeks. Yes I know I'm young and its college so some people say it doesn't matter that much but I know he's going to expect sex at some point and I really do not want to because my beliefs on sex are pretty firm (needs to be someone I love and trust enough that if I was to get pregnant then we could handle it, not to mention that's something I personally don't feel like dealing with in college so I've chosen to wait till after).
I need some advice, no one knows this situation at all and I have no one to tell the entire thing to.