Since my lover died last year, I have been thinking a lot of suicide, to be united again with him, memories trap me , everywhere I go, I see us together and it only leaves me with one feeling, I want to die so I could be with him again, I hardly have hope in anything, or even interest,since I had lost him, living is just so creepy that I cannot wait to be with him... I have been reading about suicide and now the idea of going away or killing myself puts me at ease because I know I will be with him, I am only considered that I may end up in hell and then lose him forever,but I know god is so kind to understand I could not stand living without him , as we had shared a lot of hopes and dreams and made beautiful achievements together... any advice?/

Yes. See a therapist or counsellor. I was widowed, and I know how hard it is to go on, to put one foot in front of another when you are so lost and the world is so dark. I won't give you the speech about the effect of your suicide on the people you leave behind, because I'm sure you've heard it. I'll also skip the "things will get better" speech - I'm sure you've heard that, too.

I think you do "him" no honor if you die with him or over him. I had to pick up my life because otherwise I felt I was not respecting my husband's memory.

You refer to God so you have religious beliefs. Have you spoken to a clergyperson?

What have you been reading about suicide?

Yes it is quite normal. But your lover doesn't want you to do that he want you to live the rest of your life to the fullest.I'm very sorry to hear about your loss.his words were Life is fragile you must not take it.

The memories keep your lover alive... in your heart. I've experienced the death of a sibling but cannot put myself in your shoes. To commit suicide will kill the memory of your loved one also. Try imagining the reaction of your lover if they were still alive and found out that you committed suicide and the sadness that they would feel due to that act. The sun eventually shines after every storm.Find someone you feel comfortable talking to. For myself, writing letters to the person regarding my thoughts and feelings and ceremoniously burning them to "mail" the letter made me feel a wave of relief through time.