I've been with my husband for 12 yrs. I have a chronic illness and suffer from depression. Husband has a friend that one night we all got too close and had a threesome with this girl. It was my fantasy and my idea in the beginning. It carried on for a few weeks.

I became jealous and felt left out and so ended it. My mental state was just not ready for it. A couple of weeks ago I lost control after keeping secrets and lies, and said stuff to a friend that I shouldn't. Dark secrets came out and I was made to look like a liar after my husband backed up the friend so he didn't lose his marriage. I know I was wrong. I have lost a few good friends.

The girl from the threesome constantly phones my husband and he is constantly on msn with her. They were like this before anything happened. He says they are just really good mates and he would never cheat. Her husband found out and I have apologized for my part. He said he has been told it was all my doing so I defended myself, saying we were all adults. My husband has said I have now not to talk to him because he has to move on.

My husband and this girl are talking constantly and my husband is blanking me out. They are going to start a business together and he makes me feel like I just don't want to be here. He won't talk to me. Yet she phones every hour and he talks very loud, happily.

We have two teenagers who know the atmosphere is bad. The only thing good in the relationship is bedtime. No matter what we have relations every night and it seems to be the only thing holding us together. This girl and her friends that I upset have all advised him to leave me.

I don't know what to do. I feel so very alone. Please help.

I'm very sorry

No one should be in a situation like this.

Unfortunately things starting to go wrong after the threesome huge gamble there.
I get the feeling that he is not just friends with her. He feels something much more.

My advice is to sit your husband down and talk with him let him know how this is making you feel and how you feel so left out
And for your marriage and children sake to cut off communication with this other women and focus on your family.

If he fails that

Then I'm sorry he is not worth your time and I would divorce him. Yeah it will suck and some might say don't do it in your state
But honestly you don't have long on this earth why spend it in a loveless home?
Go home to the people that really love you.. Like your family and take your kids with you.

Life is way to short for us to torture ourselves

All the best

I've tried to talk. He says the affection is gone and he can't forgive what I did. I have tried to ask him to stay and help me get better, but I really don't know if I can. He says his friends are his life at the min. he says he's been completely faithful but will not break any friendships. I've not asked him to. He is completely addicted to Facebook and I'm getting a very horrible sinking feeling. I don't know how to hold on. I feel I have nothing and nobody

I'm confused - you say you had a threesome with another female AND it was your fantasy idea in the beginning. It carried on for a few weeks. Then you say you attempted to defend yourself but your husband didn't tell the truth because he didn't want his friends' marriage to end. Are you saying it was your idea, you said that it wasn't, your husband said that it was?

Threesomes and the problems they created are posted regularly. Some apparently work very well; others do not due to jealousy and other issues.

I think you need to speak to a professional to sort all of this out.

It is entirely possible that your husband is "just friends" with the other woman. It's also possible that they continue to be MORE than friends.

What exactly did you do or say that your husband finds so unforgivable?

You feel you have nothing and nobody?

What about your kids!
Love breath for them!

Sod the husband! He is nothing in this. Yeah. Ok you lose a bit of affection but come on you are so depressed in that household and he is not making any effort to change. So it's time you step up and make a positive change for yourself and your children.

I get very annoyed when mothers think they have no one
A very selfish view.

Do it for your kids but most of all it will make you happy!

Who cares how and why this started point is.. It has and from what you have told me 1 person can not fix a relationship
It takes two to do it.

You are in control. Right?

No one twisted your arm. In all of this. Cheating? All relative.

"he can't forgive what i did"
Don't believe his crap. Hes blaming you for his exit. Of course he"s carrying on. Makes it easy for him. But that will backfire.

I would get to a lawyer fast, file asap, send papers. For the kids.

Don't let this get messier. Keep being his slave.

There's no one to blame.
Especially the kids.

That should be your priority.

Sounds to me like you've been and are still jealous of her. I would be too.
And a threesome was a last attempt to get close to him. Bad idea. His too.

Now that's his biz partner? Income, family, etc..

You've all crossed the line. Now the lines are blurred. Total perversion.

What hits me in all of this is that he blames you.
Think about that.

Sounds like that's always been the way.
12 years.

Is it her or is it you now? I would lay down the law or split.
And take the kids. Ultimatums.