Hello, my ex fiancŽ recently broke up with me a week ago. We were together for 3 1/2 years.. we both had bad experiences in relationships in the past, and shortly after we got together realized we had such a unique connection and bond... peoplke would tell her all the time, as well she would point it out also. We both share the dreams in the same profession, unfortunately our profession there is a narrow oppurtunity to succeed. In the beginning she said she would go were I go, and here home is with me.. Later on it got fustrating for both us... I coulnt get a big break and she couldn't get started, which caused a lot of fights. I also haven't been the most responsible person financially, which I acknowledge and am pursueing to get my life back on track and did take care of myself better which she saw. A December ago she broke up with me because she was depressed she wasn't where she wanted to be in life. It was hard, she dated and I left her alone even though it killed me. Later this past march she called and said she was sorry but just missed me and thought we should work it out. For the first month I never pushed the issue of us being together officially, there were times when we had little disagreements and shed say "we're not together so I shouldn't have to expain myself", but when the tables were turned she would demand a expanation and id tell here the same but she would say but we're trying to work things out and then later down the road she would say "but we are back together" all of a sudden we were engaged again because she said it was OK..
This past year has been a huge improvement I had a steady job, took care of my business, and myself which she told me she was so proud of me... there were times she needed help financially and I was there which she also felt confident she could come to me for something like that... I also had helped finally get started in her dreams of our profession, and she told me she would be in thst spot if it wasn't for me and I was her motivation and the only one she turned to... we lived in separate cities about 45 min away which she would be where I was and stay with me out of the week because it was a better oppurtunity where I lived.
So everything was going great, even here family was happy we were together and told her we belong together and a close relative told her he wished she would just finally make the commitment and settle down because I was good for her.
Then she decided in a course that supposedly would help in our line of profession, but it was a bad move which she agreed with me and 90% of people, because she would be regressing instead and start all over, and for 2 yrs would have to pay for the school. She pursued it anyway at first it was a sore subject which I understand, I didn't want to make it seem I was trying to be in here way of her dream, so I started to keep my mouth quiet and supported it.
Later this oct, I had a chance to pursue my dream again but really didn't want to take the chance of being where I was... struggling, and take a chance losing her again, and I was fine doing what I did even though it hurt a bit, I knew I made a better sacrifice and choice for the long road.
She pushed me to pursue the oppurtunity, and said don't worry we were better and both grown stronger and would make it, but I told her I can't do it if I'm going to loose you, she said its OK don't worry.
So I pursued it and the first bit it was good but started to slow down I ended having to give up my apartment due to paying another rent in the place where I tried to work, I was honest with her and she said it was OK we can fix that in my renters history later and would help.
But later it went for a big twist, this November she started to get depressed this winter which she acknowledged she always is plus she was turning 31, and also realized she made the wrong move taking the course but was stuck due to financial aid, she wanted out of there and said she should have listen to me and wasn't progressing and was distant from everyone and me because she didn't want to take it out on me
This past thanksgiving we were apart and she visited her family after that I didn't talk to her for a day or to, she wouldn't answer my calls texts, then she emailed saying she never had a bond and connection with anyone else and never loved anyone as much as she loved me, but wasn't in love with me. And by losing my apartment it made come to the conclusion, even though she wanted to believe I got my life on track, I was still making the wrong mistakes and couldn't feel condident and couldn't picture being married and having kids and resented me for that, but wish things were different so we could be together... I was like WHAT but I didn't really want to take the oppurtunity, you pushed me. And at the same not thinking logically herself because she's in the same position I was in when she would get angry at me
I thought there might have been someone else as well, but she said she's made lots of new friends but it was totally not the case... The funny thing is her mother has been married 5 time and would always complained and looked for reason the guys @eren't good enough, this annoyed my fiancŽ but she's the same way, complained why past exs @eren't perfect for here.I acknowledged and told I saw it from her view, she was happy I did and said shell always love me and would never forget me and I was really her best friend in the world

So sorry for the novel but I'm beside myself and a wreck and had to get it out

If this novel had at the very least told us what profession you are both in, it might have held my attention better. But it's all about Pursuing Dreams and being meant for each other (who isn't at first?), and financial problems, ending with Maybe She's Just Like Her Mother. OK fine. Try again with a bit more substance. We know she's 31, a tough age for many women who have biological clocks, and you just breezed right over the part about 'couldn't picture being married and having kids' but you also are unclear about who's saying that, you or her. We actually know almost NOTHING about either one of you, other than the fact that you wax and wane with each other. Ditch the on again off again stuff and tell us what you want from us. Try to sum yourself up, your personal self, in 3 sentences.
And where in all that are your FEELINGS for HER. Do YOU love HER?

I'm sorry, my profession is that I'm a jockey,I ride racehorses, she would like to be one too, she's the one who said she couldn't be comfortable, I love more than anyone I've been with. I know I can't force her to fall in love with me again, what can I do to better chances to have a relationship again with her, what can I do for the best for myself

Because of your profession and her age, I would just grin and bear it as best you can, being nice to her with tiny spontaneous clues that you still love her, without putting pressure on her. If you can't do that then stay away completely. There IS a chance she'll come back. But if she doesn't make it as a jockey, there's also a good chance she won't want to tag after you, unless she'd be content with a job as a trainer or with a clubhouse job. This must be very hard for her. I wonder how much of this a man can appreciate and show it.

I'm still wondering about the marriage and kids - she doesn't want them, you don't want them, or she can't imagine you having them because you are irresponsible financially?

From what little I know about jockeys, women still have a tough time, right? And have an even tougher time as they get older, tougher than men because of their physiology? I'd be curious to know how many women jockeys there are over 30, relative to men.

I'm sorry but the question is just so long that I haven't read all of it. I can't even figure out the question!

In a nutshell you can't make somebody love you. She may love you as a friend but nothing romantic. As people age their relationships (and likes and dislikes) change.

Maybe you outgrew each other.

Or did I miss the question after all?