So I am a girl, and just got with my first girlfriend. We have been dating on and off for a year. Recently she broke up with me again. The reason she gives is she feels unappreciated. Let me give you a little background.

We were just looking at places to live together, and even talked about come January to start saving for in vitro. I already have a 6 year old so we were a family. Whenever she breaks up with me so says very mean things and tells me to leave her alone. Normally I do beg and plead for her. This time I left her alone. However she was contacting a family member for her belongings, so I told her to message me, we are adults, and of course she has nothing nice to say.

So yesterday I messages her and said I put a letter in your bag please Read it. She said she probably won't and to leave her alone. So we kind of argued back and forth, she said she hates me, and doesn't want to care about me anymore. She cares about herself. Seeing my name just makes her mad and she hates me and is jaded.

Normally when she has broken up with me it's always when were about to take a next step in our relationship . I love her more then anyone ever In my life. I don't want this to be the end and not contacting her, its killing every part of me. Normally she is rude with her words and she has said way worse things. Its Christmas time a time for the family :*( .Any advice someone can give me ?)

The first break up was 8 weeks and 2nd was 5 Weeks. Help please, is it done??

More than likely if the pattern holds she will be back in 5 to 8 weeks if you beg and plead like you always do.

Unless she has grown tired of the off, and on, or doesn't want to take the next step in the relationship.

Seems to me you would have grown tired of this crap yourself, with all the begging, pleading, breaking up, especially for the third time in a year??

I would be sick, and tired, and long gone myself.

When someone doesn't want you & says all of that, then split.
That should be all you need to hear, honestly.

Go NC with your head held high.

What? Do you want to keep begging?

That's disgraceful. Screw that.

There's other girls that will appreciate what you have to give.

I'm sorry to hear about that! YOu need to just let her go. She's obviously not as ready as you are to move things that forward. Just don't contact her anymore. If she is being mean and distasteful towards you, you are only going to be hurt even further. There are other women out there who will respect you, especially when there is a child mixed up in the whole issue. It would be hard on your child to see you so hurt. Just put one foot forward. It's been 8 weeks now. Go another 8 weeks. Things will get easier.

Yes, the holidays are coming. YOu do have a family that loves you. YOur child... your parents... any other relatives and friends. Good luck to you, and take care!

Posts merged and edited/T

Thanks guys!! Well she has finally came to her senses and is going to be around for my daughter which is most important as she doesn't need people in and out of her life .

However she said we need to be friends first before anything can happen which I totally agree with. Cause when you are with someone you need to be friends with them as well as a partner. She said this break up is the final one however then she said that... So I'm just wondering if this is a good sign ?

So what's up with this back and forth, make up/break up behavior?

Well we spoke yesterday and she said we need to be friends first before anything . I also agree cause we kind of got lost in ourselves last time .I just don't know if that is a good or bad sign :s? Were not going to talk about the past as it doesn't do anything so for now I guess we will start as friends ? Do you think this is a good or bad sign ?

What do you mean by move to the next level since you already say you are family? Sorry for all the questions, but the more details, and info, the better picture you paint, because to be honest it seems you really overwhelm her sometimes for whatever reason, and don't relent. Or she cannot commit to what YOU want for whatever reason.

Personally something tells me you want her to take more responsibility for your daughters well being, am I close, or shooting blanks?

Im not going to pretend I'm innocent and something's that I did was let my past control my present which did cause some turmoil between us . Im not holding her accountable for my daughter at all she goes her own pace and Im not looking for her to do more then she is willing .She is the one who wants to still be I her life . We were a family Yes and her family was involved too so its hard on all involved. I think you're right though I did overwhelm her and not give her all the space she needed so that could be another issue and my fault as well. However Im seeking counseling now for my past issues. I was in an abusive/controlling relationship for 6 years before her and As I said I let some of that come between us.So she's not happy with me I'm that aspect and says she doesn't trust my words anymore.So I hope my actions will show the change . So I think that is why she would like to be friends first so we can build from there .I hope this helps and ask all you want I love feedback

How much time passed before you got with your GIRL friend, after you left your MAN?

And who will be the one carrying this child that the in vitro is intended for?

Like 8-9 months. However that relationship was horrible and I wasn't in love with him I was scared and when we finally left it was the best day of my life.

I can appreciate that sentiment, but jumping into another relationship before you have fully healed almost always puts your new partner at an emotional disadvantage. As you are learning better ways to be better, she has to be patient and capable of dealing with you as YOU unpack your baggage.

As you are seeing its not an easy or quick process, and can be overwhelming, and quite difficult for someone that has only a small clue to what you have been through.

Now about that baby you both want. Wait 3 years, at least. To plan such a life changing event, or even think this is a healthy decision is plain crazy at this point. I get love, and be loved, but YOU have to fully love yourself first.

I respectfully submit that your own feelings are based on NEED of support, and a fear of being alone more than a healthy love.

Just be friends until you are healthy, and ready for a healthy partner, and not a doctor or a nurse to get your full strength back. Mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

No wonder she runs when you want to move to the next level.

Thank you for the response I really apperciate . Iam working on better me for me and my daughters sake no one else's... But in it I still don't want to lose her I love her and we have a really great relationship minus certain issues... So Im not sure what to do...

Be friends and work on your issues, and know when to back off, as any good friend would. I assume there is sex, but don't get carried away by intense physical feelings and presume you share the same feelings.

Love is more than words, they are actions, and its obvious from her actions that her love is much more different than hers.

Honest calm communications, and patience is what gets you on the same page, and gives direction and purpose to the friendship. Even if you find you are not on the same page, at least you can make decisions based more on facts, and not just feelings.

Depending on love is a lot different than being able to COUNT on it. Healthy adults who love themselves can count on being happy. Those that are NOT healthy, or happy with themselves, depend on someone to love, and love them, to be happy. See the difference?

Ask yourself, do you have a happy life without them??

Wow that's amazing advice and I'm going to do exactly what you have said and hope for the best!! I'm happy without her but at the same time I love what we share so I miss that .

Do you think that this could bring us back together though? Is it a good step ?

Of course you do. Who wouldn't. Just keep it real and stay with friendship as you work on yourself. As you see, I have merged your posts together to keep the WHOLE story, and ALL the facts in one place.

Posts merged and edited/T AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


So I posted on here confused last week if you read that then come read this.

My ex and I broke up over 2 weeks ago. She picked up her stuff from my cousin and in it I put a letter. She messaged me and told me she read it, if we could meet up and talk, not about the past? Then that same day she came to chill with my cousin and I. It was nice it did open a lot of stuff and I miss her more now. When she was here she was nice, and in her actions she showed she still cares about me and even slipped up and called me babe.

Well when she left yesterday she kind of seems like she's pulling back? Since we started talking slowly on Monday I've been letting her message me rather then me message her. I'm not sure if this is good and she's just playing hard to get? I'm a girl as well.

Please any help would be great! What should I do next ? I mean if she didn't care for me, why would she come to chill at my house?

Broken Nicks,

Firstly, welcome to this great site!

She cares about you, and that's why she came. She cares about you, and that is why, she sms'es you. She cares about you and that's why, you SHOULD care her. She cares about you and that's why you should not forget her.

Time is a great healer. Communication has great power. Wait and watch. Everything will turn up fine.

Good luck!

Awww Thanks you for your response. I'm just nervous I don't
Want to lose her and how she knida is
Pulling bcd scared me . But I guess I should
Just let it unfold .

Posts merged and edited/T, AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why not relax and enjoy the friendship, and act like a friend, not a needy desperate person who wants to be chased, and is in a rush to get back to being an official couple. Stop worrying about if she cares for you or not.

Be friends, not partners. Get "partners out of your head", that's clingy, insecure, desperate, needy, overwhelming, and way out of control. Just friends with separate lives and things to do who hang out sometimes.

So my ex and I broke up almost a month ago . We were together for 13 months off and on . I let some of mh issues from the past interfere with us meaning trust and stuff . She Is very mad with me right now . We Hung out Thursday then yesterday she told me that she can't even be myfriend cause I hurt her so bad and she doesn't trust me . Before I had said I would change those things but I obviously didt . I know see a counsellor and am trying to fix them . However I still want to be with her and I've asked her to give me one more chance but she says she can't trust me . I've let her down and she is so mad that I allowed my issues to break us up . I Don't what to do . I thought us being friends I could show her through actions however now she doesn't want too . Everything was fine when we hung out so I'm not sure what happened?? And she said her feelings have changed yet we texted for 3 hours last night about us so if he didn't care wouldn't she have not entertained the conversation? So at the end of conversation I said please think about it and she said whatever which isn't no . So I sent a long message today o hope I get a positive response from it . I need help please let me know what you feel from this...

Ask her a good reason that she is so made nobody can hold a grudge forever

She says she is so mad cause I have hurt her so bad by allowing issues to come between us and ruin us.She said last night she has lost love for me .That actually really hurts however I feel its just hidden behind all the anger and resentment for whatever she feels she has a right to be this way.If anyone shouldn't trust or being mad it should be me this is the 3rd time she has left me and gotten so rude and mean with me .Im at my breaking point I can't always take the blame for everything that goes wrong it takes two... Yet she has still asked my daughter and I over for xmas but she hates me?? And she needs to think if we can be friends.

Time to give it some space. It sounds like you were letting issue get in the way and now of course want to pass the blame to her. Often if we hurt the other one two many times, there is no fixing or making it up.
You may try no contact for one week, then contact her one more time asking her to talk ( really in person talk) none of this text, email and the such.

Thank u for your response however I wa doing my best . She is far from perfect and always blames me . I'm not saying I'm perfect however if anyone should be mad it would be me as she has put me through hell in kore ways then one . Verbal an emotional abuse always blames me for everything in life . However I still lie her and would love for us to workout... She has my daughter today and after I'm going to cut all contact

I didn't see your response till now .Thank you , This is what IM trying not to talk about "us" or anything like that and maybe in the future it could lead to "us" again .Im just worried that she might get with someone else however I can't stop that if its going to happen it will right... Do you have any great tips for me as to show her IM just keeping it at friends??

Friends don't have an agenda for more, nor do they do things to get more. Friends accept friends for what they are and don't look for plans to show them they are friends.

As long as you hope things work out, you will never be a true friend, and if she does get with someone else, instead of being happy for your friend, you will be devastated.

That's the folly of keeping someone you want more with, as a friend, and maybe making this a clean cut would allow you to heal, and accept, she doesn't want to give you what you want. Then you can deal with all your baggage from the past without her. That's a good thing, that's much needed for you to let go.

True , I guess you are right . Well Ill let you know her anger and verbal abuse has pushed me away now . Im a wreck however I can't take it anymore .Everything that ever goes wrong is my fault , Im this and Im that . She has issues she needs to deal with and I was willing to deal with it all cause I love her more then anyone ever. Im still in love with her after all the hurtful things she has said to me . AT first I could tell she was pushing me away on purpose now Its just gone too far . Iver allowed her to control my mind and through all the evil words I was nice a couple times Id call her a ***** and so on but this is too much... I donbt even plan on going there for xmas dinner anymore forget that ! She can eventually worry about how she lost me! Her whole family told her constantly I was the best thing that ever happened to her ! And she was amazing to me too however she has a lot more issues then me . I still think down the road she will try and come back to me cause its what always happens just each time it gets worse and worse so this time she said her feelings have changed , I don't believe it cause just before she ended it we were looking to move in and so on .So I'm not sure if it's a defense mechanism the anger ! Ive now had enough and Im depressed cause I still love her and want plus my xmas is ruined my faimily is ruined :( ANd no one believes me they all think Ill go back

Threads merged yet again.

After Xmas my ex started contacting me on a daily basis so we started hanging out everyday. She said she's giving me a chance to show her why we should be together. So I've been trying. She's been calling me babe, baby, calling things "ours", randomly kissing me.

So this has been since Xmas.Then all of sudden last night she's like all I'm seeing is talk, and no change, I can't be around you right now :s I'm so confused cause things were going fine, so I'm not sure what changed?! Maybe I need to back off and not be so open to her? I love her like no other and would do anything for us again. Were both females, my first like this. And even sometimes she won't respond to my texts and say some hurtful things.

I ask why, and she says cause she's hurting so bad... I don't know, please help me!

Poor thing. You want things to work so bad and try so hard that you ignore the obvious. You have latched on to a moody selfish B###H, and don't know how to let go, heal, and do better once you feel better and solved your own issues. That why you are confused because you can never please her no matter how hard you try, unless she is in a great mood.

Kissing her butt ain't going to work, let go!

You're so right no matter what I'm wrong and can't keep her happy . Feel like she is the one with all the issues an have now been put on me and I'm so blind I take them . I need to let go but that's my problem I didn't know how :s and bow I'm hurting again from how she was all good with sleeping over everynigjt and now nothing . That's leading me on and I don't appreciate it at all... </3

IS it a good thing to take things slow and become friends with your ex, rather then jumping into a relationship again?

Why are you wasting time with the ex instead of rebuilding your own life without her?

You just can't quit can you?

Well she asked if we could go slow and start as friends and re build from there.Ive been taking care of me and doing my own thing as has she .I was just wondering if it's a good or bad thing to do things this way

I think it is, because starting over requires a healing period, that for whatever reason you keep avoiding, and interrupting on a whim, or at her request. Just look at this thread and do the math from when this thread started, up to now, and reread the merged threads you have started. Its still a very deep and emotional issue with you about getting back with her. That hasn't changed at all.

You seem to be always reacting to her whims because her agenda doesn't match yours. Lets be real, this is an unhealthy friendship! I don't see true friendship, without much healing!

If she went on a date would with another female would be okay?
Can you deal with her having romance outside your friendship?
Would you be hurt if she was to busy to be friends?

HONEST answers ONLY!

Honest answers would be yes to all those questions . Why am I like this?? It's so hard for me to walk away

I think we all are similar in that we find it hard to navigate through our maze of intense feelings and do the right thing our brains tell us. Hearts often want for no logical reasons, and shout louder than our brains. And who wants to give up what we think is love? That's darn hard.

That's what stopping all contact is about, giving you a chance to manage our OWN feelings in better ways. That does mean some pain, and its not easy, but healing is a hard long process that the reward are not felt until much later.

You are human, just like the rest of us, so we all struggle with our feelings from time to time.

Yup and I always fall weak to her . It would probably
Be best to walk away however here Iam.
She says let's be friends and rake it slow cause
I still love you but I'm scared of going back to
Qhere we were so don't want to rush things.
And here Iam doing what she wants when she
Wants... I'm torn :((((

You are afraid, who wouldn't be. You are afraid to lose the love you have attached to her. That's why you have put staying in her life, on her terms, Not yours. I know that fear very well.

The solution is to put yourself above this situation, and figure out your own plan, that gets you what you need to be happy.

She isn't going to give you what you want, so you have to get it on your own.

What do you want for yourself?

I just want to be healthy and happy in life. I do want real unconditional love. I guess I am scared, cause the love I have for her is deep, and when you are in it, it's hard to believe you will find it again. It's not that easy though, if it was, I'd be gone.

How did you do it?? What made you walk?

You get tired of giving, giving, and they take, and take, and leave you with NOTHING! You just get freakin' sick of it!

Plus you know you deserve better, and will get better if you let go, and leave the miserable BS behind you!

Stop taking the BS, and get the REAL DEAL FOR YOURSELF! Actually if you explored your world, and were having fun, and cared for yourself by doing good things for yourself, no doubt all the opportunities, and options to share that happiness, would blow your mind.

Your world is to small, and needs to expand greatly. It might even make the moody b***h you are with take notice and get real with it, instead of using your feelings, and taking them for granted.

I hear you and you would think That I would be sick of it :S I do feel like she is taking advantage of me my feelings and everything that I do have to offer.I'm not some bum , I work hard to support my child and myself and even her at times.So it kind of bugs me as to why she would do this stuff?? When we were good it was great but bad its badddddd... Its always an extreme .How long did you stay in yours ?

3 months.