Okay let me first introduce myself to the help desk board, I am 20 years of age. I AM the insecure boyfriend, my girlfriend and I have been going out for 8 months now.

Coming into this relationship, I was a pothead and my girlfriend was in high school and she is 18 years though. But anyway.. She had A LOT of guy friends. But her history is, she was mostly raised by her older brother because her parents don't really love her, and she was a tomboy most of her life. When we met, she was a virgin and I did take her virginity, so I guess its safe to believe she never did anything with her guy friends. But me now, coming into this relationship, I was cheated on twice before. I walked in and saw my ex-girlfriend giving head to another guy. I walked out and cut her out of my life. I have no problem cutting people out of my life if they hurt me deeply. I also was molested by a guy when I was a little kid, he forced me to let him give me oral sex. This happened in the old country.

But anyway... When we first started dating, I was already showing signs of a insecure boyfriend, I would get mad if she texted another guy. Even the fact that she had other guys' numbers in her phone. I would get mad if she had anything to do with another guy. She even had a school project to do, and was placed in a group with one guy, they were supposed to switch numbers but I told her not to put his number in her phone. I am a skinny guy, 140 pounds (track runner) and 6 feet tall. Whenever she puts an eye on a muscular guy or another guy, I throw a fit and get angry at her. She says she wasn't starting just her eye movement went that way and he happened to be in the way. When her old guy friends see us in public, they say HI but she ignores them.

Two days ago I promised her I would fight my crazy boyfriend thinking and insecurities and let her have her guy friends back, because it shouldn't be a big deal she loves me and only me. I told her I would give it a try and try to fight off my insecurities and if I don't succeed that she should dump me, because she doesn't deserve someone like me.

I forgot to mention. I have been insecure, self conscious and negative my whole life about myself. But everyone around me tells me, I'm cute, handsome and one of the nicest people they met. I just can't get that into my head, I think the other way around about myself, it sucks. I feel like she could find someone better and just leave me one day.

Note* I am not a pothead anymore LOL, I work full time and am currently enrolled in school full time. Sober for 4 months. Not going back.

I am tired of being the insecure, crazy boyfriend. I am tired of being self conscious.

So far... In my positive mindset I have told myself, that I won't let myself be all that but when I think about her hanging out with other guys or other guys smiling with her, its like a knot ties around my heart. I know its wuss talk, but it's the truth.

I love her to death and I would do anything for her.. That's why I am trying to change for the better.

How do I keep on track with this and not let myself fall off?

Congrats guy with trying to get on a good life path. That in itself is a very positive sign.

We all can have negative thought, but over time if we take the time to THINK before we act or speak we stop being impulsive with our feelings and the actions we undertake because of them.

In your case I recommend patience, and perseverance as you continue to work on yourself, and do better. It will take time, and just like staying clean, and sober, its one day at a time.

Smile every day at the face in the mirror, tell him you love him, and will always be good to him, and he will return that promise, and you will never be alone and helpless over your feelings, or your actions. Remember that promise, all day, and in every way.

Always THINK first, and be responsible for your actions, and be willing to forgive yourself, and make amends when you do screw up. Be grateful for the chance to do the right things for yourself and others, and share the blessings of doing the right thing with others.

In this way, you will feel great about yourself, and your life, and trust me, people will notice this positive personality, and want to share it with you. That's true power my friend, use it wisely.

Bosnian,

I agree with talaniman, the more you remind yourself that you're good the way you are, the more you will believe it and the less doubts you'll have. It sounds like you're trying to get her to tell you how amazing you are and how happy she is with you, when you yourself aren't happy with who you are. You can't be happy with someone else if you're not happy with yourself first. You both are young and are learning so much about yourselves yet. She's 18 and has so many curiosities and questions, both about herself and the world around her. Try to be a positive influence in her life, and she will want you around, I guarantee it. No one ever wants to lose someone who puts a smile on their face, who encourages them and supports them.

Think of her as a bar of soap. If you hold on to the bar of soap with an open palm, the soap will stay in your hand and not go anywhere. If you squeeze on too tight, however, the bar of soap will slip away faster than you can say 'oops'. Remind her you care about her and be there for her, but give her some space to breathe a little. If she truly cares about you and loves you the way she says she does, she won't go anywhere... if she doesn't, her actions will one day tell you so. Better to know sooner than later.

I understand that her having 'A LOT' of guy friends is irritating you, but until SHE decides to stop talking to them - or at least to cut down drastically the amount of time she spends with them - it's best that you don't force her into that decision. She will resent it and it may backfire.

In time, you will learn from all of this and it will make you a better person. But start loving yourself now. Once you do, truly and sincerely, others will begin to do so as well.

All the best to you buddy.

Wow! My ex used to be like that, but thing with him was that he never saw it,at least you see your error GREATf! Its hard to trust someone else again, but listen to this,
YOU can't KEEP PEOPLE WITH YOU FOREVER, YOU CAN'T FORCE THEM, if she is
Still with you, why do you think that is? Look my ex loved
Loved me, but he was so insecure, he has his self steem low
I helped him see it wasn't like that! And he would do anything,
I mean it anything in the world for me to see me happy, and the things
I couldn't solve he managed to solve easily! I did love him too,
However I broke up with him, because after a while it gets tired of showing
Someone you love, your loyalty, showing him my friends, well you are kind of obsessed with her! My ex was too much, I could't eeven text my guy friend! One time I found out that he got my cell and texted my guy friend pretending to be me, sent his a text and said I hate you don't you ever call me back! It took time for me to know why he didn't talk to me! Look, truth is you gota accept there are tons, thousands of people out there and you are one out of the thousands, millions, etc. She picked you, be calm k? And if she were to break up with you, make sure it wasn't because of this! Don't squeeze her, if you love each other you will have the rest of your life, you are young so is she enjoying life is also with other people!