I feel like I want to rip my hair out. I am in love or think I am in love with a man who is so wishy washy that I can't keep a stable answer in my head. 10 years, 10 years of feeling on the mountaintop when I'm with him, then he disappears for weeks to months on end. After the 6th year I decided to settle with someone else because I couldn't take it anymore.

Then he began to pursue me and treating me like I had always prayed(literally). But by then I was in a weird place and so afraid of jumping into his wildcard ways that I tried to see him and my current boyfriend. This blew up in my face. Which he was instrumental in doing so, but my boyfriend has had serious issues that have caused me to break up with him quite a few times. Anyway the guy apologized but refused to date me seriously because I had jumped back and forth too many times. But to me that meant he was going to go back to disappearing when I least expect it. So my boyfriend is crazy but I believe, or am trying to believe due to his changing behavior that he really wants to make things work.

Yes I know I should take time alone, but I am not that type I guess. Anyway, my boyfriend did something extra crazy and I had no desire to go back. So I called and tried to start seeing the other guy, but he was kind of treating me like a buddy (no kisses or real romantic vibe), until we had sex. It was amazing, and I fell hard again. Then he left at 5am. He did call later that day, but told me he would call back that evening, but did not.

I let it go and the next day I called, and we talked briefly, and he casually said I could come use his computer because I don't have internet. Anyway it was late and he said he was going to bed and I could watch TV or whatever, come to bed if I want. So I ended up going to bed later on and in the morning we started to have sex... then he stopped midway and said he was tired. I was hurt and left pretty emotional but trying to hide it. He said he would call later on but did not.

I ended up sending an email just telling him how I felt and asked what his thoughts were, but not in a crazy confrontational way. I got no response for a week. He ended up calling with no real reason for not responding in any way for the last week.

While he was gone my boyfriend came back and said he started going to counseling for his issues and really wanted to work on things. He also whisked me away for the weekend. So, when the other guy called he asked where I was when he tried to call the first time after the week went by. I did not want to answer and told him I would call back.

I am so confused in my heart. I am so emotionally and sexually attached to him, but I never know what's going to happen with him, and it hurts me so bad to the point of depression when I feel rejected by him, and him only.

What should I do? I can't go for too long without severely missing him and it's painful. I just feel so caught up in what I want or what I need. Please some advice !

You shouldn't have any contact with him period. If he hurts you emotionally why do you continue to take it? The relationship just seems kind of sexual mixed with a lot of instability. YOu can't have a happy relationship that is that toxic to your mental health.

You may not be the girl that likes being alone... but at sometime you have to be alone. YOu need to rediscover who you are... otherwise you will never know what you want out of life or out of a relationship. Being alone is not a bad thing. It's actually very healthy and very healing. Going and jumping from one relationship to another is just emtionally taxing to your well-being.

Stay away from this guy... Don't answer his calls... Go to the library or a public place that offers free online usage... Don't rush into any relationships right now. YOu need time to heal from these dysfunctional relationships you've been in. Go hang out with friends. Do things you enjoy. Treat yourself to a manicure... a new hairstyle... go shopping with your friends or to a movie. YOu don't need a man to justify who you are as a woman. You need to gain this confidence on your own... if this is the sole reason why you don't like being alone. DO some serious deep soul searching. Start sticking up for yourself. Sometimes you have to be a b**** in life to show people who are not interested in your well-being what your exactly made of. I had to learn that. Otherwise people will take advantage of you your whole life.

Thanks for you your answer. I told the guy the next day that I did not want to play games,and I did not understand why he disappeared for that week. He said he was trying to test me to see if I would go back to my boyfriend or not. And I did, so he said a few choice words. But I tried to explain htat I did not hear anything after I expressed my feelings in that letter, so for all I knew he wasn't really interested. I explained to him that when he disappears like that emotionally I can't deal with it because my feelings are too strong. In the past he used to do that a lot and I never knew when he would call again after weeks or months, and the depressed feelings and picking myself apart always followed. I love him too much for that,and I know that, as much as I hate it.

Anyway, he said that he would be willing to start from scratch like friendly, and then work up to dating seriously, but he couldn't date me seriously for awhile because he didn't trust me. So... I decided to move on with my boyfriend. I told him this, and my boyfriend is doing better. I am comfortable with him,and love him, not for the same reasons but in a different way. I think it was the best thing for me and knowing myself.

I guess my only issue now is missing the fire and passion I had with this other guy. Sexually he is better than most guys I have been with, even with my current boyfriend and this is hard because it makes me think about him more. I know my heart will still sink if I found out he was serious with someone else. What does this mean and why? The thought of him gives me butterflies and I could reminisce on our times together for long periods. My heart still wants and wishes for him, but I feel like reality seems to equal something opposite with him. He's like a dream, but when it happens in reality it is always messed up between us. That's why I think I would be foolish to hold out for him when I have someone in my life who has proven that he really wants me, even under circumstances where I would have left. And I do love him, so I just need to figure out how to get this guy out of my heart. I have ceased contact, and my mind has made the decision, but my heart is running slow...

If he's testing you, then he doesn't trust you. No trust = no relationship.

10 years is not a short period. But don't think you've waited long enough that someone else deserves a chance? I think that you should leave both guys behind, because there is just too much baggage, so even if you start a relationship, it will be so difficult to build any trust.

I suggest you make a fresh start. Be alone for a while and then meet some new people. Use the experience that you've gained with these two guys and apply that experience on someone new who deserves it.

It will take you a while to mend your broken heart. Unfortunately, being with someone is more than just the sexual intimacy. You both have to be able to get along and have fun together without just sex.

It is hard when the sex is awesome but if you talk to your current partner about what you like, what feels good to you, than it can improve his performance. Sexual intimacy requires communication on both partners. YOu know your body better than he does.