First off, I'm 19 years old and only want the best for my mom as well as my dad.

My mom has has been fighting cancer for the past six years, she has the BRCA1 gene that predetermines her to have breast and other types of cancer. She developed ovarian cancer, had a full histarectamy, radical/extensive chemotherapy, double mastectomy, a golf ball sized ovarian cancer brain tumor in her right occipital lobe that had metastasized into her brain, gamma knife pin-point brain radiation therapy two times for the golf ball sized brain tumor, various other metastasized ovarian cancer brain tumors varying from 1mm to I'm guessing 6mm and has around 7-8 tumors, another round of gamma knife pin-point brain radiation and now she had two or three weeks of full brain radiation.

My mom and dad didn't tell our family how bad full brain radiation is really like. The third week of her full brain radiation, she started to develop severe dementia to the point where she could barely talk or think straight within the course of three days. She stopped taking her medication to keep her brain swelling down, anxiety pills and wouldn't eat or drink that much at all.

My dad didn't tell anyone about my moms symptoms, I guess because my mom didn't want to worry anybody. My mom couldn't talk in full sentences, but anytime our family would call and ask how she was doing all she would say is "good," nothing else, or would start saying things that didn't make sense at all. She would also just stand there and not do anything, or stop doing what she was doing for five minutes with a blank look on her face and then finish what she was doing. Her thought process has changed to where she feels guilty about everything... things that shouldn't make you feel guilty. She thinks that bad things will happen and believes that going to the hospital or doctors is bad and refuses to go.

Things were getting worse. I read that full brain radiation causes radiational necrosis, or shrinking of the blood vessels in the brain, which kills off brain cells... and if untreated causes permanent brain damage.

My dad won't make my mom do anything she doesn't want to do, that includes eating or drinking, taking her medication or going to the hospital because her condition was and still is pretty bad.

It got to the point where I had to do something, so I sent an email to my moms parents and family about my moms condition (they were already wondering why she was acting weird and were wondering what was up) and gave them the story straight because I didn't want my mom to be left untreated or left alone for any period because my dad and I both have jobs. Our jobs work out to where my mom would be home alone for a few hours or alone an hours in the family car at the parking lot in front of my work if no one was here unless one of us quit our job or skipped some work hours.

My relatives finally convinced my dad to take her to the hospital, even though my mom didn't want to go and was met with protest from my mom. They did a brain scan and said that nothing severe was happening to my moms head, but the i.v. helped hydrate her and she started to talk a little bit more, started eating, and regained just a little bit of sense.

Now my mom is slowly returning back to normal, you can talk to her and she doesn't use sentence fragments. She is eating and drinking and taking her medications (I believe) although she still can't think right, and can't make decisions for her own health or safety.

Sometimes my moms mood changes, and she goes off on tangents that don't make sense. The other day she said she couldn't get something because she said something would go wrong, but I said that nothing would go wrong. Then she got mad and tossed everything around and made something go wrong because of what she did.

My mom and dad sleep on a bed that's four feet high and my mom and dad also have stepping stools by the bed to step up and down from. Just now my mom had to go to the bathroom, but our medium sized dogs were in the bedroom. So she figured that if she ran fast enough she would out-run them to get to the bathroom. She got up before my dad could do anything and fell down hurting her ribs and possibly hitting her head. Her eyes were open but the impact caused her to not know what was happening, kind of like when you faint.

My dad was upset and kept saying my moms name while crying and picked her up and sat her down on the side of the bed in-the-moment and went to get the dogs, not thinking about making sure to support her and be by her side in case anything else happened until she stabilized. Well, my mom fainted and fell from the four foot high bed and hit her head pretty bad on the left back side. My dad picked her up and started to sit her back up again and I told him to lay her down, so he picked her up and laid her sideways on their bed (in the recovery position).

Now, I took first aid training and know that you shouldn't pick someone up when they become unconscious until they're stabilized, and that you should call the emergency if you hit your head and get a concussion.

I told my dad that she had a concussion because she couldn't remember falling down the second time (a common symptom of concussions) but he told me I "wasn't a doctor" and said that a "concussion is when someone can't think properly and can't talk right." We let my mom rest for an hour, my dad helped her up slowly and I was with my dad this time, but she lost consciousness again after standing up and lost bladder control. My dad picked her up and carried her back to bed again, and she didn't remember fainting, again.

My mom cancelled all of her doctor check-up appointments a week ago, with my dad right there, my dad didn't intervene though and won't make her go.

My mom didn't give the doctors any good reason and called back and my aunt and/or dad told them what was happening, but my mom refuses to go to the hospital or get checked up again, even after mom just fell down twice and hit her head hard.

I worry so much about my mom, and I don't think my dad is making the right decisions for my moms best health at interest.

I can't make my dad or mom do anything, so I don't know what to do!

I need advice!

If this just happened you can call for an ambulance.

What can make all the difference in the world is having a family doctor, not just a bunch of them at the hospital. You don't mention one.

Although it's good to be informed and aware, don't try to diagnose. Neither you nor your dad can determine a concussion, for example.

You don't say what her prognosis is, and that is crucial to how SHE and your father want to proceed. If she has been told that she will die she has the right to stop treatment. Your job is to stop at the grocery and buy tantalizing foods and drinks, prepare them for her, perhaps lower the bed to 20", and move away small scatter rugs. All the things one does at home to make life safer and easier. Love her and hug her and tell her how much you care.

I appreciate what you are going through. It isn't easy making decisions about someone close to you who is seriously ill. When my dad was over medicated and slowly dying in a (very nice) nursing home, I took him home and he died 5 grueling days later, but it's what he wanted. Me too. I'm not saying your mother is terminal! Just that the big picture needs to be looked at before dwelling on each little medical detail. Aside from making the home safe, encouraging drinking (such as watered down juices and tea) and eating, talk to the doctors, and change doctors if you are brushed off.

We don't have a doctor that comes to our house, but she does have a usual doctor she visits (not when you go to the E.R).

I was just talking to my dad about what happened and the symptoms, and we agreed that both of us aren't doctors and wouldn't know/can't diagnose.

My mom and dad have been keeping me out of the loop, haven't let me come with them and be there when they talk to the doctors so I don't know what her prognosis is exactly.

The full brain radiation treatment was kind of a last case treatment, because she couldn't do pin-point radiation again.

I've been gorcery shopping lately, and making yummy foods for my mom and everyone. I know I haven't helped around the house as much as I should have, but I'm working on changing that. I tell my mom and dad I Iove/care about them and I help out when I can.

My mom doesn't want anything to do with any doctors, and I found out she stopped taking her medication without the guidance of her doctor to ween off it. Her medication help with brain swelling, blood circulation, and deterioration.

Our doctors have never brushed us off, in fact, they want my mom to come in just for check-up appointments to see how she is doing but she cancelled all of them. I asked if she had a reason why she cancelled and she said she didn't have one.

My mom said there are people worse off in the E.R. and that they don't need her because there's a lot of people that are hurt on the holidays. My dad said that they'd probably have to wait to get in if we didn't go by ambulance, so my mom and dad haven't done anything.

She hurt her left ribs pretty bad and hit her head two times, she can barely sit up without fainting or feeling severe side pain so she took and advil.

My mom is really tires and my dad said she needs rest, they're resting/laying down right now.

You sound very caring and thoughtful, and I know this is tough.
Caring is a struggle between our wishes and the wishes of the one we care about.
There are no easy answers.
I would go talk to her doctor, all alone. You have that right. Call the office and tell them who you are and ask for 10 minutes just to talk.
And what's with the 4' high bed? How hard will it be to lower it? Is it on the ground floor, and if not, can you bring it down or put a twin bed in the living room? I'd be worried about stairs.
Again, a lot of what you can do is around the house. Preventing future falls is very important.

I don't believe she was told that she's going to die.

My dilemma, and the rest of our families, is that my mom isn't in the right mind to make decisions right now in her demented state... even though it's slowly getting better (getting better only after my family and I talked my dad into dragging her to the doctors to get her back on her medication, got an i.v. in her to get her re-hydrated which helped her to start eating and drinking again because of her medication and treatment).

If it weren't for me for informing my family and my family urging my dad to take action, my dad would have just let her do what she wanted and not forced her to do anything because he won't make her do anything she doesn't want to do even though her decisions aren't based on any sound logic, reasons, or emotions due to her post-radiation demented state. She probably would have had much worse brain damage if she wouldn't have been checked up and had been left untreated... she probably wouldn't have even been able to talk right now.

My mom and dad cancelled the last three days of my moms full brain radiation because of what was starting to happen to her, because my mom would rather choose to be herself and not have that kind of radical treatment rather than becoming 'mindless.'

But now my mom believes that going in to see the doctors will make things worse, and she said she "can't face them" for some reason even though she would have gladly gone in for a check up if she was acting her normal self right now. She won't even go in for check ups to make sure she is doing okay and to regulate her medication accordingly. She cancelled all of her check-ups, and didn't give the doctors any reason at all because she couldn't even talk right and would only say things like "you know" or approximate things to what she was trying to say. She believes that going in for a check-up will be met by some kind of treatment as well.

My mom doesn't want to take her medication for some reason. The doctors said for her to stay on her medication which has been helping with her brain, thought process, swelling and deterioration; that they had to keep an eye on her and how much medication she was taking because if it was taken improperly it could lead to more complications. But my mom refuses to take the medication and my dad has just gone along with it, taking it into their own hands to get her off the medication (which she quit a little bit ago even though it was helping her) even thought this isn't how my mom would normally act or be like. She isn't herself right now, at all.

I actually think it's a 2'-3' high bed, but it's a wooden post one that they've had for a long time.

Before her full brain radiation treatments, the doctors said that many patients become different when it comes to their personalities... that they stop caring, become mean, etc. and that planted the seed in her mind that has made her feel guilty about everything and anything and has made her think she's an "evil" person.

I am starting to resent my dad because of his decisions, that he's going along with what my moms wants in her demented state even though it's not how she would normally act or what she would really want... but I still love him because he's my dad and I always will love him.

Now that I think of it, I don't resent my dad... I'm just really upset with how things are being handled in this situation.