All right I should probably break it down nice and slow for y'all. I'm a self respecting individual. Real smart according to my teachers. I see the world for how it is, I'm a guy that's going somewhere. I'm a black guy if it helps you any. I've been told I'm funny, drop dead hilarious but that I'm a huge *******, and I've gone through it all with a **** it attitude someone would pay for. The only people that don't hate me are my homies, and that's the dorkier crowd you wouldn't expect me to roll with. But I hang out with them because they get me and I can relate, and that's how it is I got to follow how I feel right?

Well I have retrospective doubts in the foresight of that phrase, because a couple of years ago I met a girl that had it all. The first thing I noticed was her personality, so bubbly, but not too bubbly. She was smart as hell and she wasn't laid back but I liked that. So suddenly in this world without value there's this girl... but that's where the problems start isn't it? Yah, that's one thing I'm not asking about. We never spent any time alone, but I would talk to her if there was a crowd around us. She was breathtaking visually too, I won't even lie on that. But I saw her... for her.

So I waited. Made her laugh, talked to her a little bit, did it all.right how I see it. As I expected, she said that she liked me while a group of our friends were in the city off school and I was in a hotel, over text. And I dug that. So I we texted, didn't say how we were digging each other or nothing like that, just talked about things. Then I left the hotel and got a beat back to the city. We happened to hang out once by the pond when we got back to all that school stuff. She said she had changed her mind, that she didn't really lime me. I didn't say anything, just allright.

But when I got home it hit me. What in holy **** was that? I ain't playing games like a kid here... I really dug her. But as I tried to shrug it off and move on I realized that even though we were just aquaintences in a sense I couldn't help but feel a surge of feeling that was never there. I mean NEVER there... it was from another planet or something because I wasn't even digging her like that before. But maybe I made the mistake here, I told her how I felt, about these new feelings.

She got mad, like real mad. She got freaked. I don't even say this **** like a creep I just broke it down to her! What the hell *****!. but Naw. I liked her too much. This is where my memory gets fuzzy here, but it feels like I got in the friend zone about here.we hung out like a girlfriend and boyfriend hang, but we were friends. I told her how pretty she was a lot, and she was flattered, giggled a lot. And we were friends. She was soooooooo cool, and I wanted to be her friend but my feelings for her were itching at my soul. But it was all right, you know, I had feelings but it wasn't that bad. I told her how I felt, how much she meant to me, how amazing she was. Whenever I called her beautiful she would say "I'm not beautiful" and when I said she was amazing."not as amazing as you think" and naturally I wondered if she didn't realize how amazing of a jewel she is...

when I realized I was falling in love with her it was a but too late. It was an internal battle not to love her, one that hurt me like hell. But jealousy drive in the stake. She started dating this cat, this ghetto *** Mexican cat who was a pervert and a real joke about August 2010. She told me first naturally and I knew who he was, but this is where my feelings kicked in. This cat pushed dope, Eben if we were in the Chicago suburbs Latin King influence was traced lightly in our neighborhood.

So anyway she broke it down to me that she liked this cat, and I didn't like it. She was too good for him, he was a joke! And I broke it to her softly like a true friend would, but she didn't give a **** what I said and yelled "look, I'm not your girl and you never will be!" And left me sitting on the park bench by the pond. That hurt. What, was she into bad boys now? It was freaking me the **** out that she would do this... we never fought much before this... but when she said that it cut deep. I couldn't stop it, they went out.

He tried to **** her. She said no. He got pissed off once that she wouldn't grind him at a party, and I was about to kick his *** back to pollo loco if she didn't dig this cat do much. She could take care of herself I suppose... and I continued to be her friend. I never supported them at all, but she said she loves this cat when he treated her like ****.

I know peeps, this is a long story, get yourself a snack, take a piss, do what you got to do. Intermission, were only partway through.

So anyway one day at 12:00 she calls. I was sleeping, but I sleep pretty light and wake up easy so I popped up on the second ring and answered. She had broken up with him and was furious. I was halfway to asking if she wanted to come over when I heard her honking outside my door. She probably saw me laughing my *** off through the window. She ranted and ranted and cried a little bit, and I held her. She crashed on my couch. I spent most.of the night with a serious face on thinking about what. This right here is too good to waste, I couldn't fall in love with her. So I fought myself on it and **** got real hard, her being happy and me trying to stay upbeat with her.

A month later in January 11' she started dating this cat she used to date in 10', a white cat who rolled with the Latin kings. I knew she wasn't a king but I was like what the ****? K hated bad on this one, he was a good guy but he was still dangerous, he took mood stabalizers and had a mom addicted to crack and all that crazy *** stuff. I worried like hell. He was protective of her though, treated her right, I could see he cared, so I backed off a little bit. He was a womanizer, but I could tell she loved him and she told me the soonafter.

Of course this hurt soon bad. I remember this one day that I was at my house and She texted me saying that she had made out with Jim for the first time in a Burger king, that horny bastard he was... it was no big deal, but it hurt me a lot for some reason. I tried to act happy for them though. But the inevitability hit hard, the breakup. He broke up with her this time... she took it bad... she was two blocks away from her house on her way to nowhere hysterical and walking in the sidewalk when I found her. She cried on my car door and I had to carry her into my house. She wouldn't let go of me, and that was okay, I held her as she grasped me tight and she cried.

The first thing I thought was that I don't protect her, and the second was that I loved her. She cried so much for that price of **** that I wanted to rip his head off... she slept in my arms that night. Cheesy, I know, but this **** HAPPENED, on the real. I felt her body against mine and for a few minutes before I drifted off just thought "****, I love her." Over and over. That had to be one if the most movie- like nights of my life, with the girl of my dreams in my arms.

But there's more I woke up awkwardly removing my hands from her breasts as she slept peacefully with dry tears surrounding her. Real cheesy like I kissed her on the forehead and went to make some breakfast for her (funny story, my mom never had food as a kid soil kept my fridge packed) and maybe plan out something to make her feel better, I was feeling so weird after last night. I was half past the eggs when I heard a soft sobbing.

Like the big wuss I am I came rushing to her aid and she cried into my chest for about thirty minutes. I would just stroke her hair and say it was going to be okay and tell her that he was an *** (that last part may have been more to me than her.) And she would cry and look me in the eye. She just fell back to sleep on top of me after that, or so I thought. I stroked her hair and for some reason got really pissed off at her ex.

She woke up twenty minutes later thanking me. Must have thanked me a million times before I made her drink some water and she stopped crying. "I'm all dried out. I can't cry anymore" she said weakly as we hugged. "I know, I know baby. Want me to kick his ***?" I smiled as she tried to laugh and sat up. She only ate a granola bar, and looked real down.

She asked me to drive her over to her best friend Tracy's, the only person who hung out with her more than me. I asked her if she was sure and she said yah. I tried not to let her start crying again as I drove her over there and was honestly hesitant to let her go. But Tracy came out and it was all good so I let her in.

Once she left I felt empty. Smelly as hell, hungry as hell... more proof that when Im with her I'm not on earth. I took a deep breath. Thought a minute, then went to kick that Guy's ***. I found him at his house, and wanted to talk to him alone, so we went to the backyard while he took a smoke. The conversation went exactly like this.
"So man, I been thinking... I mean, you broke ___________'s heart man, what'd you do man?" He looked at me weird. "What'd you say? She was at my place crying all night!"

"What the **** do you mean? She's already ****ing other people or what, the whore" that got ne so bad, I just slugged him in the face and he nearly swallowed his cig. It was a quick fight, and I'm not going to say I dominated him but I won. I wasn't hurt but he probably should have gone to the hospital, I kneed him in the face pretty hard. So at that point I knew I loved her.

I started to talk to Tracy about it, she was going to major in psychology or something like that. She said that if I stopped eating myself about it I would feel better. For a hot minute I tried... and when I came to blows with it I almost felt like before this whole thing started, I was all right. She dated a guy over the summer. No biggie, another Mexican cat. Not jealous. But after him she hasn't dated anyone else all school year.

That brings us to about four weeks ago. I was at a fair with a couple of our friends and I told her I loved her. She said she knew. I asked why and she said "I don't know. I just did. I love you too, just not like you do." I started writing her poetry, and apologized if my feelings made her uncomfortable. She said in a text "it's okay, it makes me feel... good :)" so I told her I loved her every day, and she started dating my good friend.

What do I do? Is this wrong? Unhealthy? I love her and she's digging my good friend... can I have some guidance please I know I'm only 17 but I love this girl more than the oldest couple loves each other, on the real... please help what do I do and where is this going?

Yes 17 love is drama. It will help if you condense this into facts, not a novel, few if anyone is going to read though it, and to be honest with so much slang, I have little idea what you were talking about most of the time.

It seems perhaps you are not the type of person she wants to date at this point in her life and yours. You came on strong, with "I love you" every day, how many times did you ask her out on a date ?

But the thing is, she was not seeing anyone, she knew you loved her and she went on to date someone else.
So that is about as clear you can can be, she does not want to date you.

Get over it, move on, find a new desire of your heart. At 17 you should have many though the next years.

Don't you hate it when you are in love and they ain't?

Then you have to go through all there love and stuff like a puppy wanting for a pat on the head. Terrible, just terrible.

Dude you should have back up at the first rejection and kept going. You still can you know, because enough is enough, and you need something else to do besides be stuck on someone that's not a stuck on you.

When there isn't an actual, mutually loving relationship going on between two people, it is not a relationship. It is infatuation.

What you have described is not even a healthy relationship. When she breaks up, and breaks down, with various boyfriends, she is very needy. You rescue her, she needs to be rescued, and the needs and wants of one, do not come anywhere near the needs and wants of the other.

She crosses the boundaries of friendship, as she calls it, all the while knowing that you have fallen for her. There are no boundaries anywhere. She takes, you give, and keep hoping that at some point, she will see you as her boyfriend.

As long as you are her protector, and keep protecting her, all the while hoping that that role will somehow turn her feelings around to want to be romantically involved with you, and she keeps using you, you will be disappointed over and over again. As you have been, and continue to be.

It bothers me that she would use you in this way. But it bothers me more, that you accept it, even to the point of slugging some guy she broke up with, picking up the pieces after her breakups, comforting her while she melts down. What she is really saying is she needs you, and her version of 'friendship' with you, even crosses the line of what she should expect of any friend.

So you are left with no relationship, clearly, and a one sided friendship where you continue to be used.

She has come to learn that no matter what your feelings are, you will be there for her to help clean up her messes.

Please consider the fact that this is unhealthy, and if it continues this way, with your feelings increasing, and her likely repeating a familiar pattern with boyfriends, the only thing holding you together is a dream. And, if you aren't careful, it will turn into a nightmare.

And while you are busy living your life for her, you are missing out on living your own life. Think about why you allow yourself to be treated this way, and even encourage her to do so. The only result of all this heartache for you would be that she would suddenly decide she loves you?

And if that's the case, could you really trust her to be mature enough to handle a relationship at all? What do you need and want, and can you realistically take a good long look at the time you have been with her, and how unbalanced it has been?

Try to consider telling her that you are finding it too hard to be 'friends' with her. She needs to count on your rescues less, and on herself more in dealing with life's problems. This could go on for years.

Set some boundaries. Find someone in the friendship arena, that could actually turn into a meaningful romantic relationship. As long as you allow yourself to remain with things as they are, you are wasting precious time that you could be freely pursuing other interests.