My mother has a lump inside her and has to go to hospital for a few days. My father lives in Queensland and wants to come down to look after me while and after she is in hospital. I really dislike my father and he doesn't understand. I guess I should add to the picture the fact that I was adopted and am nothing like either of my parents.
My mother wants me to start accepting my father again, but I can't. I resent him. Even the thought of him makes me angry and upset. I get so cross I could do something I might regret. Ever since I was young he used my mum and yelled at me and told me I was pathetic and worthless. Now I'm older he wants to be a father again. I used to feel sorry for him and hope that he would change, and every time I saw him I would get my hopes up and then realise he wasn't going to change. I went through this so many times that now I don't want anything to do with him. My mother is a peacemaker, a lovely lady but a pushover when it comes to him. Completely different from my father. She wants him to come back while she is sick, she makes me talk to him on the phone, she lets him do what he wants. I can't take it if he comes back at all. I don't want to see him. When he is here I cry EVERY NIGHT. What do I do? How do I stop him from coming back? What if something happens to my mother? I have no one

First: It is your choice on who you like and do not like. This so called father of yours as you are concerned is not your father. He is abusive and you prefer him not to be around. Well that is how you feel. Does your Father know you feel this way about him, does your mother know exactly how much this will hurt you if he comes to stay.

How old are you, because age has a lot to do with whether you can take care of yourself or not.

Second: You should be there for your mother, have you said this to her, that you wanted to be with her? It is only for a few days right.

Third: You need to have faith that your mom is going to be fine. If something does happen then deal with it then, but right at this time your mother is here so make the best of the time that you do have with her.

Fourth: There is no reason to cry, if he does come. Just try to stay out of his way and it would only be for a short time right?

Joe

I don't know how old you are, or how long it has been since your adoptive-father left, and while I agree with Joe above, there's the other side of the coin to consider:

Could it be possible that he realizes what an a$$ he was to you and your mother so many years ago, and is now looking for a way to get back into your life so he can make reparations for what he's done? Maybe you are hanging on to the memory of a man that no longer exists? Maybe he feels terrible about what he did and is just looking for a way to talk to you again?

Maybe he is a perpetual loser... I don't know.
I'm just trying to make ensure you are not shutting out someone that may genuinely deserve another chance.

I know this is a trying time for you and your mom. It sounds like there is no time right now to deal with this and that you'll have to live with your dad coming down. Its only to get past the crisis of your mom's surgery. Remind yourself of that often. Avoid him, if necessary.

Later after he leaves, gently insist that you and your mom have a long candid conversation about your dad. Be lovingly clear with her how strongly you feel and help her to accept that its really a no-go with you and your dad. Ask her to make other arrangements for someone to take care of you in the future, should something (God forbid) happen to her again. When the pressure is off, she is in a much better place to deal with this.

Thank you so much for your answers. In response to some of the things you said: I am not sixteen yet, maybe he has decided to change, but I have got my hopes up so many times before and I've been let down. I don't want this to happen again. My uncle told me not to get bitter, but what if I already am bitter? I try not to take it out on mum (which is hard) because she doesn't deserve it on top of everything else, but when it really comes down to it, it's her say what happens to me.. and she refuses to admit that the worst could happen, so if the worst does happen we will not be prepared. She also doesn't like standing up to people :( Luckily my aunty and uncle are doing what they can (as they live far away) but it's all so uncertain for me.. and my schoolwork is slipping because of it all. Also, mum does know how I feel, and if I did tell my father, he wouldn't listen anyway, but I am writing him a letter for mum's sake. Although I'm struggling finding what to say to him in the letter. Thanks again for all your help

For your letter -- stick to simple stuff. Like this ---"When you do xxx, I feel xxx. I wish you would do xxx instead because then I would feel xxx." If you make it a big emotional rant, he'll just close his eyes like he already closes his ears to you. Try to show him where the door is to succeeding with you in clear terms. And plese please sleep on it one night to reread in the morning. I had a very difficult father too. This may or may not begin any changes but its worth a shot. You seem like a smart kid with a great grasp of the big picture already. I am sorry for your difficult situation.

Thank you, I will try. Having the only person who loves me for who I am going into hospital for the first time is hard, and it's hard to have that while dealing with my father and all the problems that a teenager has, but I guess if I am given all those problems that means I can deal with them. When I write the letter, I will read it again the next day because emotions do get in the way of things a lot, especially when you're a teenager.. it's just hard to open up to him, knowing that he's only going to pick at it, his maturity level is that of a teenager (although, I found out recently he has a mild case of Klinefelter's Syndrome, if that has anything to do with anything).. Thankyou all very much, it's nice to know there are people out there who care

Thankyou, I will try. Having the only person who loves me for who i am going into hospital for the first time is hard, and it's hard to have that while dealing with my father and all the problems that a teenager has, but i guess if i am given all those problems that means i can deal with them. When i write the letter, i will read it again the next day because emotions do get in the way of things a lot, especially when you're a teenager..it's just hard to open up to him, knowing that he's only going to pick at it, his maturity level is that of a teenager (although, i found out recently he has a mild case of Klinefelter's Syndrome, if that has anything to do with anything)..Thankyou all very much, it's nice to know there are people out there who care
Okay, then use that information to forgive him what you can and lower expectations and wear a little armor around him.
You'll be okay. You sound like a good kid.