It's been a long time since I've posted on here (which I personally think is a good thing!), but alas, it seems that I would like some of your help once again.

I met a girl about two years ago, at my best friend's party. We had an instant connection and were both attracted to each other. Unfortunately at the time I had just been heartbroken by an ex, so was not in a fit state to start a relationship. After that, we saw each other very occasionally until approximately August of last year. She started becoming more included in my immediate social circle, and we started seeing a lot more of each other. It was apparent that the connection was still there, and we began flirting, etc. It culminated in an inebriated night out (not the best time I know) where we both made our feelings known for each other. Unfortunately, she had been sexually assaulted about a year before then, and felt that she was still not ready for an intimate relationship. She could not bring herself to kiss me, and ran off crying. I spoke to my best friend about this (they are now very close friends themselves), who said that she was incredibly frustrated with herself, as she wanted to make a go of things with me, but was still too emotionally traumatised.

After that point, we stopped talking as much, although it was hard to remain 100% NC, as my best friend (who is female, fyi) & her had become so close, so we would often bump into each other on social occasions. My best friend planned a holiday trip for a group of us in October of this year, and invited both myself and the other girl, along with a large group of others. I didn't think anything of it at the time.

About a year ago, I met someone online through a dating website, and although we both had worries about the distance between us (not huge - about an hour), we started seeing each other. We became physical too fast (in my opinion), but at the time I just it as nothing more than harmless fun. We got on very well when we were together however, and eventually entered into a relationship (FWB -> "let's see how this goes" -> relationship). From the off, I only saw it as a short term thing, to see how it went, maybe in the future, etc. She still lives at home as she has about 5 years before she can fully pay off all of her student debt, and due to the distance, we only see each other at the weekend. The problem that has always been nagging me at the back of my mind however is that although I love her, I have never really been "in love with her". I wouldn't do anything for her, no matter how much that I do care about her. There has never really been that "spark" for me.

Fast forward to the group holiday in October. At this point, I'm already slightly doubting the future with my girlfriend due to not being able to see her as freely as I'd like, knowing that she's tied down to her debts for five years, knowing that of course the relationship could grow some more... there just wasn't the initial big bang start to it all.
I had been avoiding the other girl as much as I could before this point, just in case any emotions resurfaced, and it would cloud my judgement. Of course, we were thrown together on the flight out, and spent quite a bit of time together with her on the holiday, even though I purposefully tried not to. We got on incredibly well, and that sparking connection was still there. Fortunately we were never put in the position where anything could happen between us.
Since the holiday, I have been increasingly doubtful about my girlfriend and our relationship. I've made sure that we've spent more time together, done more things together, experienced more, but it just feels... hollow. That I'm fighting an upward battle against a sand dune.
I spoke to my best friend about this, and she said that the other girl (great name for her, right?) is trying really hard not to influence my decision with my girlfriend, and is trying to avoid situations where we're alone, or when my girlfriend comes up in conversation.
Last week, we were supposed to have a film watching gathering at my house, but everybody cancelled at the last minute, aside from the girl in question. Again, nothing happened, but we spoke together for a few hours and found out that we had even more in common etc.
This weekend, I couldn't see my girlfriend on the Friday, as she was seeing some friends in another city. My friends and I were supposed to meet up and go out, and *again* they all cancelled aside from this one girl. It almost feels as if they are cancelling on purpose. We went out, had a fun time, had a few too many drinks, and ended up almost kissing a couple of times, but stopping before it got that close. I went to see my girlfriend on the Saturday, and it felt as if everything had shifted. Hello, guilt.

The question I'm asking is; what do I do?
I guess I can see the options, but they're all incredibly hard:
[a] Break up with my current girlfriend, go NC with both girls so that I can heal, then see where the land lies a month or so later.
[b] Stay with my current girlfriend, work harder at the relationship, and attempt NC with the other girl as much as possible.

I've always been one for not wanting to hurt anyone, but all I can see at the moment is that I'm hurting both girls, without really realising it.

If you are not in love with your current girlfriend, then definitely break up with her, you are only leading her on and on top of that it is a long distance relationship? I think this is doing more damage than good to you. As far as the other girl goes, take things slow, let her know that you are single and let her know what your intentions are, see her reaction, she might be wanting to do something that she feels is unmoral if you have a girlfriend.

"[a] Break up with my current girlfriend, go NC with both girls so that I can heal, then see where the land lies a month or so later."
No. You got NC all wrong.

"[b] Stay with my current girlfriend, work harder at the relationship, and attempt NC with the other girl as much as possible."
No. Again.

Be single. For a while.
Get you priorities in order. First.

How about both of them break up with you instead?
That'll solve your dilemma.

Sounds like everyone will be better off.

I thought that NC was about healing, re-syncing oneself, and re-establishing/taking stock?

That would indeed solve my dilemma. I am not sure that everyone would be better off, but there would be less negativity in the short term.

Thank you for your reply though vanheart, even if it does appear a little curt.

If you thought Vanheart was curt, no telling how you take what I will say, but here goes.

When you live by "any port in a storm" mentality, you take your chances how things end up.

I would say being single and dating for fun would be your best path. Explore many, but obsess on none. Do your thing without depending on any one else, as rebounds from one to another is a good way to bring out the worst in you.

Using others, and allowing yourself to be used is not a healthy way to be healthy. You have no dilemma, you just avoid the work by looking for the easy way out, and chances are, you will run head first into an emotional disaster.

Just curious as to what your female friend says about this? Seems she would be telling her friend to leave you alone. I would be. But to be fair some thrive on these emotional quandaries. Its safer for them, and always wonder why they can't be with someone that the feelings last, and something meaningful can be built. They never figure out its better to take time and be honest, with themselves and the ones they are with and making the tough decisions that are required.

You really have no business being with the FWB, but are hardly ready for the new girl, as good a port in a storm as she seems to be, and to be honest, I doubt she benefit from being with you either.

Leave them both alone, and get yourself healthy first. Then you have a chance at a healthy adult relationship, with another healthy adult, instead of just a rebound.

But I see you latching onto the new girl, and you break each others hearts. Another emotional quandry waiting to happen.

I thought that NC was about healing, re-syncing oneself, and re-establishing/taking stock?
Yes to the first two, but the third is move forward and don't look back.

All I know is that I would rather be with no one, then be with one for the wrong reasons.

Just don't play 2 girls. Either decide or exit. Not fair to yourself in the long run, cruel actually.

If I were you, I would leave this. Take a chill. There's a lot of girls you haven't met yet.
You have to know yourself first, though. What you want. Who you are. What you bring.

Curt? That's my style sometimes. Usually means curtains. Or opening them up at least.