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View Full Version : Newly reverted Muslim in distress; having a lot of problems


muslim84
Nov 6, 2011, 09:51 AM
Allah (swt) soothe my troubled soul.
Whomsover is reading this I beg you to be patient with me for I have a lot to ask. I'm am a recent convert to Islam (Allah (swt) be praised) and I declare that there is no God worthy of worship except Allah, and that Muhammad (peace be upon him) is Allah's (swt) servant and messenger. Now I've been a muslim a little over a week now and I've been doing my best to remain loyal to God (swt) and my newfound faith. I've been giving up everything in my life considered haraam (day-by-day: I don't watch as much t.v. due to its graphic material, I've given up pork, music, broken up with my girlfriend (under good terms of course)... I stay steadfast in prayer (five times a day), I fast regularly during the week, and I do my best to keep with the messages/commandments that were presented to us in before times). Now here's my problem... I'm in a state of unease... you see my parents are christian (baptist) and they don't so much approve of my newly lifestyle change. In my opinion I wouldn't even much refer to them as christian (just as I wouldn't refer to your "everyday christian" as a "true christian") but more as christian minded (as its more of a cultural thing; like a social norm). Nonetheless they say they are trying to be understanding and I do thank them for that but well I know for certain their patience won't last very long. Nextly concerning religion: with me being new to Islam there's a lot I don't know about. I don't know how to read, write, or even speak arabic; I'm still fairly new to the qu'ran so I'm still reading (I bought one online by the way {english translated}). At the moment I'm still learning how to pray even though I can't speak arabic I just say it in english (I don't miss any of my prayers though {fajr included}). Due to my limited knowledge of what is required of me and what is not I usually end up feeling guilty and that gives birth to my uneased state. Another problem: from my knowledge there isn't a muslim, or mosque around me for miles (Shahada was recited in the privacy of my home); I live in a small town located in Louisiana that is basically in the middle of knowhere (so I can't find any help except from offline, plus I can't seem to find anyone to relate all this to except offline). My most recent problem is that concerning of hair. See I'm still in high school (senior graduating in may, seventeen yrs old, african american). Now my school has this dress code policy that states "males must be clean shaven" and I've been hearing around the net that its haaram to shave your beard. Now no-one(teachers/staff) has yet to say anything to me yet as I've been using the duck & dodge method but I know this won't work for very long. I've heard around school in my previous years concerning this policy that a person who religion prohibits them from shaving won't have to do it but I'm not to sure if that's true. I know for certain because I'm a minor that if this is true that I would have to bring a parent to school conferming that I am in fact muslim and that I cannot shave but here's the thing: I cannot ask my parents to do this because I am at least 97% percent sure that they are going to get mad with me (as they always do when I ask them something) and tell me no and then they're going to fuss with each other and then me and then each other (its a never ending thing whenever I bring something to the table). So right now I don't know what to do cause I know for a fact there going to tell me to abide by the schools rules (even if they may have the power to tell them not to make me shave) but I don't want to commit haraam by shaving. My next problem is more of just a question: I have dreadlocks and I would like to know is this haraam; should I cut them? And my most final problem/question is this: since I'm graduating soon I need to pick a major and I need to decide on a college. Now I haven't the slightest idea on what I should do but all I know is I want to live a life that pleases Allah (swt). I want to work in a job that isn't haraam; a job that doesn't mind me praying when its time or asking me to do haraam things like shaving my beard. This well all of this has been causing me a great deal of anxiety, confusion, and depression. If anyone I mean anyone can help me with all of this then As-Salamu Alaykum to you and God (swt) bless. Thank you for your time.

oneother
Nov 21, 2011, 04:32 PM
I have to wonder what you were looking for when you chose this particular religion. You are losing yourself in the what I am to wear, how do I look, and getting rid or distancing yourself from those you have been close with. I guess what I am saying is if you are looking for spirituality what you wear (beard/hair) has nothing to do with it. Also as far as Islam goes there is everything from a progressive muslim to an ultra-conservative muslim. Beware of those who tell you differently. Remember to keep you mind open and don't lose yourself to the words. Learn the history of islam, as well as christianity, judism, etc. This will broaden your understanding of the religious discourse. All holy books were written in a timeframe very different from today so it is wise to look at the pros and cons of passages. It is best to look at works from scholars and archeologist as well. I will tell you now that there are numerous Christian denominations and numerous teach completely contrary to scholarly teachings. Never go into something with blinders on. Always broaden you knowledge in all area both pro and con. This will help you keep things in balance. As far as college goes, go talk to a school counselor. Many times the first two years of college are general and then you can declare a major. I hope this helps.

Shasaqueove
Jan 12, 2012, 06:44 AM
I'd like to apologize for the time it has taken me to find this.
Asalamu alaykum. Congratulations on your acceptance of Islam and your confidence in it.

I congratulate you also on giving up pork, music and cutting down on television.

I have been a Muslim since birth and I am 18 years old at this very moment. I assure you I am not the person to go to for an account of behavior that is acceptable in Islam- I am, like you, still learning every day, more and more about my own religion. I'm going to speak from experience and insha'allah it is considered acceptable. My family are considered fairly conservative Muslims and I have been taught to conduct myself in a way that is acceptable to Allah. We live in a western country though due to troubles back at home, so I can understand the issues you face as I have lived here since I was 2 years old. I am practically a westerner.

I'd first like to address your issue with having a beard:
-It is true that one shouldn't shave their beard, but in saying that it is not strictly haram. My father and brother are both devout Muslims who do shave their beards, but not entirely. They still leave a little bit of stubble, essentially simply trim their beard. This is considered acceptable by the authority of Ahlul-bayt's Sayid Al-Sustani who has done multiple PhD's in Islam (http://www.alulbayt.com/sistani/bio.htm)

As for your issues with Arabic:
-I myself struggle with it. I was born to a natively speaking Arabic family, although I can understand it perfectly, I fail to speak with grammatical sense and it takes me a while to read in Arabic. It has been said to me the best way to learn Arabic is to read the Quran in Arabic and follow along the translation, perhaps using a Arabic-to-English dictionary at the same time. Reading it is a lot like reading English, the sounds make a word: only like French, different lines at the top of the letters represent different sounds. I suggest you try your own way for learning how to understand Arabic. Masha'allah on you not missing any prayers despite this clear hindrance. Good luck. Know that you are not alone and to keep trying.

For your parents:
-It is not up to you to make them accept you, it is their decision. You can't tell them to accept you. They must see it in the way you behave. If you have made a change for the better and they can see it, then they will accept you for who you have become and if they don't, do not disrespect them. It is very important in Islam to not disrespect your parents under any circumstances. Explain to them your choice of life. Good luck.

For your dreadlocks:
-It's commonly known that in Islam, men should look like men. This means short, clean cut hair. Dreadlocks fall under the appearance of a woman- what with it being long. I'm unsure if this is acceptable or not to have dreadlocks but from what I do know, every Muslim man I have known has never had dreadlocks and has always kept their hair fairly short. Cut it just in case. I'm sorry I don't know more. Please refer to the proper teachings for this.

For your major:
-It is my belief that God can absolutely guide you to a profession. But remember, if you have no other way to make money, you can do just about any job. There was even a prophet who made a living from brewing alcohol. God is very forgiving. I definitely suggest you follow your hearts desire in this one as long as your intentions are pure. For instance, become a game designer if it is your passion, or an architect or what have you- so long as it follows among what is believed to be righteous- essentially avoid any bad deeds, for instance don't become a drug dealer: essentially if you can avoid doing something you have to ask "Is this ok?", then avoid it. Try and choose something that you're passionate about. I myself am in my second year at university, majoring in Biomedical Sciences and specialising in Neurobiology. This is where my passion lies and here I don't have to ask if it is OK or not to research the human brain.

I wish you all the luck in the world and I hope Allah continues to guide you. I am sorry I am not more knowledgeable and I can not say anything in complete certainty. I recommend you watch online Islamic lectures in English:

http://www.usamaalatar.net/pb/wp_9051edd1/wp_9051edd1.html

Here are a couple of links that may help you in your path:

http://www.islam-guide.com/
http://www.islamreligion.com/articles/4360/

Remember that Islam isn't just about following the Quran. It's about following both the Quran and the Hadith, which is a compilation of how the Prophets lived their lives. It isn't until you read both that Islam fully begins to make sense and reaches a new level of understanding. As for which set of Hadith's you follow, it is entirely up to you. My family follows Ahlul-Bayt, meaning we follow the successors of Prophet Muhammed, as it was mentioned in the Quran. Others followed different leaders and different Imam's, hence why there are two major groups, the Sunni's and Shei'is. Ultimately, I believe we are all Muslim and there should be nothing that truly divides us from each other. Do not trouble yourself by focusing on the differences though. You must make a decision as certain practicing differences arise, such as the way one performs prayer. Ultimately, they are very, very similar.

Please, never give up on your search for truth. I assure you, you will become very happy when you are certain. God bless.