My boyfriend & I have been seeing each other for just over 4 months. He is 42 & I am 29. We live about 2 hours apart, so we are not seeing each other often. The 1st month & half he was super lovey dovey & called/texted all the time! He really showed his interest. Then it seems he quickly fell into comfort zone. The calls dwindled to every other day, which is OK because my life isn't that crazy to talk for extended times every day. Also September & October, because of work & family obligations we were not able to get together except for every other weekend. The month of October I really started to feel disconnected from him (my perspective & point of view. He probably is just in comfort zone & doesn't see anything wrong). We couldn't see each other much, he wasn't asking when can I see you again like he used to (its just assumed that when it can happen it will). And our phone calls were very superficial because we are having difficulty integrating each other into our lives due to the distance.

Then, about 2 weeks into October he called me & said "I just wanted to let you know that I'm not blowing you off, I'm sorry I haven't called as much as usual but I just found out my mother has pancreatic cancer & spots on her liver & lungs. Also, her brother has it too! So this is what I am dealing with & I will probably be spending more weekends out of town with my folks." I thought it was really considerate of him to call and tell me that.

Now, I was feeling the disconnect (from my perspective) prior to us having knowledge of his mother's illness. My grandmother died from pancreatic cancer. Fast forward to now, the beginning of November. I spent last weekend with him, Friday, sat, Sunday. We had a snow storm, he lost power for days & it was a cold crummy weekend. But we made the best of it, seemed to get along famously as we always have. I know he was stressed about his house & pipes bursting & being too cold. I noticed his father calling often, & over all he has a lot going on. But he had not shut me out.

Then on nov 2 his mother had a biopsy on her liver & lungs. We exchanged 1 text the day before. Since then he has disappeared. This is the longest I haven't heard from him, nearly 5days. I am not the kind of girl to blow up his phone with texts & calls. I sent one text on Friday morning. I had forgotten about his mothers procedure so in my text I asked how he has been & did his power come back on. Later that evening I was trying to figure out what changed between us & I remembered his mother's medical procedure. But my girlfriend's say don't pressure him so just send a simple xoxoxo text & let him be. That is what I did. Last night, Saturday, I sent xoxo :) and now its Sunday morning and I still have no idea what is going on.

I don't know what came of his mothers procedure, I don't know if my BF left town to be with his parents. I don't know if he has been going to work like usual, I don't know if this has anything to do with me. He seemed like the type of guy to tell me if he decided he didn't want to see me anymore, this ignoring thing seems out of character for him. I'm a little concerned.

Do I let him be & when he gets back to me try to understand what happened to him? What if he tells me he's just been busy at work? If that is the case I will be pissed because 4-5 days with no contact in a long distance relationship isn't enough for me. If his mother's health is worse than they thought how do I support him without emasculating him? How can I support him when I am so far away?

What is going on?

This all sounds like you aren't really a priorty in his life. His mother and brother are sick and I understand that. If he isn't lying one would think you would be his go to gal about it but that fact that he isn't letting you in isn't a good sign. Being worried and hurting is one thing and some like to do it alone however him complelty ingoring you isn't good and there is no excuse for it. Im not really sure how much I believe his family members are sick either. One person possibly having cancer is one thing but two, at the same time with almost the same problems seems far fetched espically given the vast age diffrence. He may be trying to blow you off without being the bad guy.