Hi

How do I start and keep this simple. Ok here goes! I was with my ex girlfriend for 2 and a half years. The relationship started of as a friends with benefits type of relationship. It was all great, however I found that her life was pretty poor, and she had been let down quite badly by guys in the past. Her first marriage failed, in her second marriage, husband left when she had her youngest. Fell in love again, and this guy, promised the world and she followed him, nearly married him,until he threw her out. She had very little money, and I kind of felt sorry for her. I helped her, raised her self esteem, and unfortunately I began to fall in love with her. However it was complicated from the start. A) I was 18 years younger then her and she couldn't give me kids. B) I am from indian family background and sooner or later would have to marry someone at least my own age and possibly my own culture. I tried walking away, every six days would run back. Then the inevitable happened, and my parents had found someone who I was to speak to and get feelers of how it would be. I was honest with my ex from the start. However she then went of with the first available guy. I was still in love with her. So three months later we left our partners and got back together.

However she became nasty, knowing now that I had feelings for her, she used me for christmas broke up with me, I kept persisting got back with her. She had been diagnosed with hepatitis B, but she was always horrible to me, walked away again, got back to gether again. Only the night before she had slept with someone, however she thought I wasn't coming back. Anyway got back together, went on holiday, I had lost my previous job, but got a new one, where I would be on a training course for 4 weeks, things were rocky, but just the usual. Went on the training course, a week into my training course, she said that she wanted us to finish. I asked if there was somebody else, she said no. I later discover that she was with Mr. Rebound. She rings me a week and a half later to see if I was OK. I told her to #### off. She got rid of Mr. Rebound or he used her I don't know. Anyway a month later I discover she has found someone else. This person in the past had been in prison for beating up his ex-wife, so I am concerned for her. I did the smart thing and stayed away from her, knowing that this is another rebound. Anyway she got rid of him. This is the confusing bit.

I went back to her, to try and fix things, however it didn't work, So I walked away. She now had another friends with benefits friend. Anyway OK. Its over I get it. But WHY THIS, ladies if your out there done similar or know somebody doing similar, maybe I can get some clarity.

3 months later, she bumps into me in the hight street, literally walks in my direction. What was suppose to be a five min conv. Ends up being a conv. Going for 1 hr and a half, would have carried on but one of her friends kids who she was baby sitting was playing up. (In my head: Things are looking well right?) a week and a bit later, it was her birthday, so I sent a text to say happy birthday. Message back: Thanks, my mums passed away for I would let you know. Phoned her gave condolences, met for coffee, all going well, I said maybe we should go out on a date, and she said after the funeral (Ok, things are looking well, so far). Ring her up after the funeral, and she is nasty to me on the phone and said something hurtful (now I am confused), barrage of nasty text messages kick from me to her and her to me. Ok quits.

3 months later, her friend who doesn't like me very much, ( I think is a bad influence on her) puts on her Facebook probably knowing I will take a look, says that she and my ex will be drinking at a bar that I have been barred from (long story about the being barred bit). So I am curious, I walk pass the bar, intentionally bump into her and ask why is she drinking in my bar. She goes its your ex-bar, so she obviously is asking about me from people who go there. Anyway her friends is pulling some strings I think. She walks away. What is going on, why is my ex behaving this way. I love her to bits and would love to get back with her. What's going on?

Ladies please explain.

My question to you is why do you want to be with someone who has treated you so badly, for so long? How many more times of being cheated on and her being nasty to you will it take? Reread your post and think about what you would tell a mate if he told you all of this as his story.

I think you read more into the conversations on the high street and texts. Maybe she sent the wrong message, maybe you perceived something different, who knows, but her behaviour should tell you that she isn't truly interested. She may not know what she wants, but if you continue to get mixed up with her, you run the risk of more of the same.

Find yourself a nice girl who doesn't treat men so badly.

I agree with Doula 100%. Why do you want to be with someone who cheated on you, let you down, dumped you and is mean to you whenever she wants? She has more rebounds, ex-boyfriends and friends with benefits than I could count.

Sorry if it doesn't help you, but since you asked, I'm not like that nor I know someone like her, and I'm glad I don't.

Don't you think you deserve better?

She hasn't ever cheated on me whilst we were together, the rebounds if you look at the question have happened after we broke up? I guess maybe I also have major self esteem issues, never had much luck with women. I am sure there are very nice beautiful ones out there, but I guess they don't want me. What can I say? Do you think I would entertain if I had a pick of the bunch...

That's it, right there, you have something : self-esteem issues.

But it doesn't mean you won't ever change, nor that you deserve to be treated this way, by cheating and rebounds, I meant that everything you say about her in your post screams trouble, but hey, we all found ourselves in the same situation.

I once read somewhere that we choose people who are like us at some point in our lives and if we don't evolve in the same direction, it puts the relationship in danger and most of the time, it ends that way.

If you make changes on yourself and are happier with your life, you will start second guessing your partner choice, asking yourself if you don't deserve better. But you need to start somewhere. You sound like a nice, patient, caring person. And trust me, it's a good start with ANY woman. There is one other thing that works wonders : confidence. You need to build that up, no matter how you look, what you wear or what you do in life, no one can resist a confident man.

Your post follows your relationship with the girl for over 2 years. I know it sounds stupid because you love her, but don't you think you had enough drama? Don't you ever picture yourself with a loving, caring girl you won't be constantly worried about?

You are correct, you do apparently have some self-esteem issues if you believe she is the only woman who would ever be interested in you. Come on, you know better than that!

Sometimes you have to meet many different people before you find someone who is very compatible. If she isn't even from a background that you could consider for a long term relationship, what would be the point? It is not as though she treats you really well.

Look at it this way... if she were truly interested, and cared about you, she would be with you now. She would never have treated you so badly. She has shown how she cares about men... look at how she has treated the others she has been with as well. She uses them for what she can get and moves onto the next one. She may not have cheated on you, that you know of anyway (although I'd wonder about when you were away to training if she was with someone right away), but she has certainly jumped from man to man.

It wouldn't be surprising that, due to her own past with bad relationships, that she is not able to be in one in a mature way right now. She may feel the need to sabotage it before she gets hurt or dumped again. Who knows...

Think about being on your own for awhile. Let yourself be available to be able to meet someone new who is ready to be in a mature, loving relationship.

That's all fair enough in regards to confidence. But confidence is imprinted within the sub-conscious mind, the problem I have is the world of women has imprinted strongly within it, I am no good! I may have the bravado and capabilities of James Bond, but in a world of women fixed on three things hyped by the media. Number 1-Good Looking Men. Number 2-Rich Men now the worst one which is up and coming, which will properly screw up our world 3. Bad Men, its in our music, its in our films, its everywhere. No space for good men, perhaps your parents and grand parents, but not anymore, not in the western society anyway!

Well you don't stand a chance then do you? You have fallen for the media hype yourself!

Take a look around at the vast majority of couples you see. Look at the people in your neighbourhood. Look at the people at your work and in your town.

Would you consider them all to be good looking or do they come in a variety of shapes and sizes and looks.

Do most live in large houses, drive fancy cars, and go on marvelous holidays? Or do they have homes they can afford, drive 10 year old cars, and spend holidays at the relatives or stay home?

No one can change the way you feel about yourself. Only you can do that. You need to look at what you have, what you can bring to a relationship, not what you think someone is looking for based on the media.

It is not easy to do, I know. It can take a great deal of self-talk to change how you see yourself. Women have the same situation... just look at all the ads for creams and lotions to make you look younger. It's as if women are not allowed to get older. Rarely do you see magazine covers with women who look like the average female on the planet.

There will always be people who are smarter, better looking, richer, more successful, etc. if you look for them... but you are unique. If there is something you would like to be different about yourself, see if you can change it.

For some people it may be to get in better shape, start focusing more on the positives in life instead of the negatives, or be a bit more patient with others, whatever it might be that you have the power to change. If you have trouble meeting women, consider joining a class or group where you would have more opportunity to meet some. Make a list of the qualities you can bring to a relationship... you just might be surprised at how much you have to offer!

Ever think you just choose the wrong women? Don't blame society on the choices you make. As to this one, come on guy, if she treated the other guys as bad as you, you should understand that it must be HER, and not ALL the other guys. They just had the sense to say good bye, and never come back. You keep coming back for more of the same, so its not the worlds faut you give your heart to the wrong female. Her behavior is the way she is and I would rather be single than treated badly.

Hmm she has many to choose from, you have only her. Get out there and get to know some more, and get to know them before you give them your heart. And stop judging a females because of a few.