I'm going to put this simple! Been with my boyfriend a year and some change. Lately he's always going out to bars, chillin with his friends. I understand people need space. But leaving at 9-10 in the morning and not coming back till 9-10 at night I think is too much. He's always with his friends and his friends have no worries and mess with anything that gives them attention. It's the weekend of Halloween and he went to a lake resort party a hour away from where we stay he didn't tell me he was going didn't answer my calls answer my texts nothing. Did I mention he left at 6:00 this morning and he got back at 2am . I checked his phone pockets car and even smelt his clothes didn't find nothing out of the ordinary but still I find that a little disrespectful I feel he's not putting himself in my shoes.

Am I overacting or should I start rethink about the relationship?

Have you spoken to him about this? Does he work?

Also, how old is he? Younger men like to go out with friends more often. How often does he go out like this? It's normal to do so every once a week or so, and since you've found nothing out of the ordinary, I wouldn't worry.

X Dani

Yes we talked about it and he just says he wants space . He is 24 and never went out like this before he's been going out at least every other day or every couple days. And no he does NOT work he's not even looking for work

Its selfish behaviour and a blatant disregard for your feelings. You need to make it clear to him exactly how he makes you feel.
Have you spoken to him and if so, what was his reaction?

Steph


Sorry, I know my post was unclear. I know you said you'd spoken to him, but I mean have you told him you're upset, or did you just point out the behaviour?

You cannot expect to change him. All you can do, if you are still trying to make this work, is talk your problems out with him and see if he is willing to change for the sake of the relationship. You also need to stop checking his stuff, repect his privacy. If there is no trust, then there is no relationship anyway.

You have two choices. One is to accept the way he is and accept of how he is going to treat you. Or the other one, which is to break up with this person and try to find someone who is more willing to accommodate to your needs.

24 not working, not even looking? Parties all the time, and ignores you? That's a guy who can't be ready for a serious healthy relationship, so rethink this whole thing.

How does he afford to party like that?

Sounds like a bit of a loser to me.
If he is not working there is no reason he cannot be spending time with you when you are available.
Why do you stay?

Thanks I love all the feed back

He gets money from his little hustles and from his parents I have spoken with his numerous times and told him how I feel and my opinion but nothing changed

We broke up but he wants me to come over

I'm back... Well last time I was here he was always leaving and never had time. Just a couple days ago we broke up because he never had time, he was going a lot more, and left me hanging. The past couple days have been a fight with him but today he called about his mail then we hung up the phone. He called back less then ten minutes later asking me about my day and what I did I told him about my day. He kept asking me if I missed him, told me he missed me and was dreaming about me and what not. I'm surprised he called because our last conversations weren't to nice. Now he's asking me to go over tomorrow and stay the night with him. I want to because I miss him but at the same time I don't want to be sucked into his game.

Keep yourself busy. You broke up for a reason, right? Have a night out with the girls. And if he asks you again, or for a different date, come clean and say you don't think it's a good idea.

X Dani

Then you need to walk. You don't stay in a bad situation hoping it will change.
Unless he is wanting to change, the situation won't and he is unwilling to change.

You deserve better. He has a lot of growing to do, so let him grow without you. Giving in to his wanting a booty cal is bad news and rewards his behavior. Ignoring him completely, and telling him to change his mail or it gets thrown away would send a message that you are not putting up with his crap any longer.