My boyfriend has had the same roommate for over a year now. My boyfriend has a 12 yr old son, and the roommate has a 7 yr old son. The boys have been sharing a room with a bunk-bed. Recently the roomates girlfriend has also moved in with her 5 yr old daughter. So because it is a three bdrm home that leaves all the kids sharing the same room. The 7 yr old boy sleeps in the top bunk, the 12 yr old on the bottom and the 5 yr old girl shares the bed with the 12 yr old boy. I know there are no laws for siblings to share beds, but what about children above 5 that are NOT related. My problem is that the 12 yr old, though he is a great kid, is at the age of puberty and I worry for the girl accidentally becoming aware of the "morning irrection" that boys get. The 12 yr old boy and 5 yr old girl are sharing the bed every night, except every other weekend when they visit their other parent. I feel like my boyfriends son needs privacy, and I don't know how to explain that without offending the girlfriend or even my boyfriend (he takes it as I am saying his boy may do something). I worry that one of them will become curious, innocent or not. I don't know how to approach this so a child protective regulation or law would help back my urgency to get another bed or living situation for the kids. I don't live there because I have a 7 yr old son that I have full custody of and I won't move in until we are married and my son has a room to himself, in his best interest.

Why can't the two boys sleep in the same bed?

That's what I don't understand either! The 7 yr old boy insist on sleeping on the top bunk, the girl is scared of the height and sleeping up there. The bed belongs to the 12 yr old, its been his ever since before his parents divorced and he has always slept on the bottom. The bottom is a futon so it's a little bigger than the top bunk. The girl comes from a phisically and emotionaly abusive home from what I gather, so in my boyfriends eyes this is the best option for them. She gets scared sleeping alone and likes to sleep with the 12 yr old since her mom is obviously going to sleep with the roommate. Apparently I am the only one worried about the situation, am I over reacting? I was a victim of a curious tween(approx. 13) child when I was young(4), maybe that's why this really bothers me...

No, I don't think you're over-reacting. The twelve-year-old may be a perfectly lovely young fellow, but... why put temptation in his bed?

I'm not real comfortable with the girl sharing a room with two boys, but I'm guessing there are no (or few) other options as to where to put her.

What about a futon for the girl? Is there enough space in that bedroom or in a den or room that can be closed off (for quiet)?

There isn't enough space... but if they got rid of the huge TV there would be. I need a reason (like a law or child services guideline) to back me stepping in on their parenting. My boyfriend understands its not the best situation for the girl but thinks its safe and it's the girls mom's choice. I think I am just going to have to put my foot down whether it offends anyone or not. I feel like its not fair to either child. I wish there was a cut and dry law that says non-siblings between 5-18 should not share the same bed.

Do you want me to move this to a legal board, so some of our legal experts will look at this?

>moved and title edited<

Yes please!

There is not a direct law on it, but the other parent could use this ( and very easily) to get the child taken away from them in court. ** unless they have more serious issues**

Also children and family services ( or what it may be called in your area) would also find issues with this, if anyone reported it.

It needs to be changed at once, I am sorry, who cares what the 7 year old child wants at times a parent has to just make things happen anyway.
Or of course have another bed even one that folds away.

I may even have a issue with the 12 year old boy and the girl, sharing the same room.

Also there may be legal issues with two families sharing a one family house unless the zoning on the house is for multi family.

If they rent, is the landlord aware of two families with all these kids living there ?

They rent from my boyfriends parents, and honestly I Don't think they know they share the bed. This is in a regular house in California, not a multifamily home. I agree with you, I was hoping there was just something I could show them legaly on paper before I run my mouth about their living situation. I do not know the girls father, but he does pay child support and gets her every other weekend. I feel like the only parent that sees a problem in that house... its 3 parents against me, that doesn't even live there. Not to mention I am the youngest by at least 6yrs.

... Recently the roomates girlfriend has also moved in with her 5 yr old daughter. ...

The girl's father could make a good case that the mother is acting very irresponsibly. She shouldn't have moved in, thus putting her daughter in this situation, until a more appropriate housing arrangement was made.


... I wish there was a cut and dry law that says non-siblings between 5-18 should not share the same bed.

As Fr_Chuck has said, there isn't.

But why differentiate between siblings and non-siblings?

Only because I understand how hard it would be for law makers to put into place. Especially with low income situations. The way I would run my house is everyone has their own bed and space even if I have to make a wall out of office cubical walls! That's just weird to me to share a bed at that age with the opposite sex, sibling or not!

What you can do is talk to a social services person in the area. Ask if there are any laws being broken in having a 5 yr old girl share a bed with a 12 yr old boy.

Personally I think its wrong. And social services may want to do something about it.

Just to update! I talked with my boyfriend who sat the other two parents down and they had a tal. First the mother of the girl said to put the 7 yr old boy and 5 yr old girl in the same bed and the 12 yr old on the top bunk... I explained how that wasn't solving the problem and I didn't think the courts would be happy with that if they decided to look at the children's living situations. So we contacted a social worker who called CPS and they explained the situation. They were told all the kids can share the same room but they all needed their own beds. Well turns out the mother of the girl said, "ok I can go get her barbie bed out of storage this weekend." My mouth dropped, you mean to tell me she had a bed this whole time, and she just didn't bother to bring it when she moved, and here I am trying to scrape up money to buy one for her! Anyway, that is the temporary solution until they both move out with their kids. And the CPS worker will more than likely stop by now to check things out, thank goodness.

Thanks for the update.

Appears the mother has the brains of a Barbie doll. Appropriate choice of a bed, I guess.