View Full Version : File for family abandonment?
jenniferlopez12
Oct 22, 2011, 02:42 PM
My mom left 3 weeks ago we heard she moved to NY with her sister but we are not sure we haven't been contacted by her in anyway she left us with my dad by us I mean me(17) my brother(15) and my sister(7) my dad doesn't want to remove anything of hers from the house yet. My question is when is it considered family abandonment and when will my dad be able to take out all her stuff from the house?
ScottGem
Oct 22, 2011, 02:47 PM
You are asking the wrong questions. What you need to explain is what you want to do about her leaving. And this is more a question your father needs to ask.
One question I see is what to do about her stuff. Again this is up to your father, but I would try to contact her and ask what she wants done with her stuff. Give her a time frame to respond and if she fails to meet the deadline, her stuff will be given to goodwill.
The rest depends on what you father wants to do. Does he want a divorce? Or what.
Finally, ANY question on law needs to include your general locale as laws vary by area.
jenniferlopez12
Oct 22, 2011, 02:52 PM
She wants nothing to do with us I want to know that if we throw away her stuff is it legal? Or if she decides to come looking for her stuff lets say 2 months from now and doesn't find it here can my dad get in trouble with the law? My dad wants divorce but doesn't want to be the one to file it. We live in California.
ScottGem
Oct 22, 2011, 02:58 PM
You can't just summarily throw her stuff out. Your dad has to do what I suggested. Make every effort to contact her giving her a deadline by when she has to remove her things.
And I think your dad is making a mistake, not filing first.
jenniferlopez12
Oct 22, 2011, 03:00 PM
Since she flew the state and has been gone for 3 weeks is it considered abandonment?
joypulv
Oct 22, 2011, 03:05 PM
You cannot throw out her stuff.
She hasn't given any indication that she is gone for good, and it could just make a divorce more costly for your dad.
Since it seems to bother you (and I don't blame you, it probably hurts to see it all around you, and I'd feel angry too) why not get some boxes and big bags and start packing it and putting it all in one corner?
Once your dad can get in contact with her, he can give her some sort of deadline about it and put it in a storage place for one month in her name. But even that is harder these days, because the storage place will go after your dad for future payments.
Your dad should be the one on this site asking, since you are under 18.
Fr_Chuck
Oct 22, 2011, 03:05 PM
Abandonment is merely a word used to file motions normally in family court for divorce, for custody and more.
In some states it is failure to pay court ordered charge support.
No you can't just throw her stuff away, I will say this, often children even teens don't know all the things going on with their parents, what may have been happening that you were not aware of.
Your father will file for divorce, he will file for division of property, and after that is settled he can give her time to get it out of the home. Next he will file for custody of the children, and file for court ordered child support.
If your mother is still on the lease or if you own the home, still on the deed, she can even still just show back up and have a right to come back in the home. So in divorce court, your father can file to get rights to the home alone with mom not allowed to come back into the home.
At times, a parent may take a few weeks off to get their head together and parents work things out. So it is hard to say what will happen.
It is all up to your dad now, to file in court for what he wants to happen
jenniferlopez12
Oct 22, 2011, 03:09 PM
Yes I understand my dad seems to not be any better with the situation and I am just trying to see what I can do to help out my dad. Hes at work all the time and to me it seems he has no time to think about the process of separation but I think the more he waits the more complicated it will get.
joypulv
Oct 22, 2011, 03:36 PM
As Fr Chuck said, you don't know what went on. If your dad did something that really hurt your mom, he may be hoping she comes back. The two most common problems between husband and wife revolve around sex and money. Fact, from countless surveys.
Since you are 17, I'm sure you realize some of this - affairs, pictures on their cell phone or texts or emails, or a large debt not agreed on together - usually something specific and dramatic sends a spouse out the door with no notice, leaving 3 children behind.
If you feel able to talk to your dad, find a moment when the younger ones aren't around.
You need him, he needs you.
It isn't fair to turn you into an adult at 17, and you don't have to be one, but you might be able to help both of you get through this. Starting with all her possessions might not be the way to do it. It makes you feel better for a moment (the classic scene of all the things thrown out of a 3rd floor window) but it doesn't last. Talking does.
jenniferlopez12
Oct 22, 2011, 03:51 PM
Yes well I can tell you that for the past 16 years since I was one my mom left the house plenty of times, last year in December she tried committing suicide. Around march she stopped cleaning or cooking she would barely do anything she spent her time on her cellphone I saw several text messages from a guy and the night that she left my dad asked her for her phone my mom refused to give it to him and started slamming her phone to break it and I got in between them and my mom told me a lot of unnecessary stuff and when she left she yelled at me saying whatever happened to my sister for good or for bad will weight on my shoulders.
ScottGem
Oct 22, 2011, 04:10 PM
As Chuck and I said, asking about abandonment is not the right question. Abandonment MAY be used as grounds to get something else (like a divorce), but by itself it doesn't matter.
joypulv
Oct 23, 2011, 05:43 AM
Jennifer, this is no longer a Family Law topic.
Start over (copying your last response) in another category. You need people to talk to. What your mother did wasn't fair to you. You are taking on too much responsibility.