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peacefulwanting
Oct 21, 2011, 11:42 AM
My boyfriend and I met about four months ago, and started dating three months ago. In the first month of our relationship, he got suspicious of a guy in my life, who is like a little brother to me. He reacted very distant and confused and hurt, until I explained to him the nature of our relationship. He was fine after that.
The next month, he came to my graduation ball and saw me with the guys (and girls)in my class, getting drunk and dancing together. He got SO angry with me thereafter, saying that I was acting badly and disrespecting him. He doesn't want me to hang out with them when there is alcohol. He shoved me away when I was trying to calm him down. I was scared. We later resolved it and I promised not to dance with the guys when I'm drunk. I was not dancing like a stripper. We were having shots and singing, and dancing in couples. He thought it were unacceptable. Is it?

Later that month, I told him that my class and I are going away for a weekend, after we write our final Masters examination. We are going to party. He was mad again, saying that I pretend that I'm not in a relationship, and that I should be behaving like a woman who is going to be married to him. He says I 'cheapen' the relationship by calling him my boyfriend, when he is my soulmate and future husband. He thinks I am a wild child, and that I need to curb my ways. He says I act like a 'student' (of which I am!). I am a virgin, I don't do drugs, and am going to be a doctor in a few months time. Yet he thinks I behave badly. He says he is going to now start going out with 'his' friends, who are female. He doesn't have any, and I am pretty much the only person he spends time with. He feels like I am the only one who makes him happy. He has admitted that he is lonely. I am a very social person, with a lot of responsibility with organising functions for varsity and the daily life of my peers. I have many friends, and am very loyal to the best friends.

I feel he is possessive. He says he feels he has to protect me from other people. He says he trusts me, but not anyone else. My boss is dating a girl who is my race, and my boyfriend feels that my boss might like me as well.
I am always honest and tell him what I'm doing all the time. I haven't lied to him, or treated him badly.Once I almost didn't tell him an ex sms'd me. I was so scared of the way he would react, but I thought to myself that I'm not a liar, so I'm going to tell him. I told him, and he kind of got mad.

I told him he needs to change, and be more accepting of who I am. He says he will. He kept at the good behaviour until today. He fought with me again, using the same traits he used the night of the graduation ball... Which means he hasn't changed in a month. So I told him that, and he says that that's whohe is, and that he is not going to change'. He also mentioned that he is giving me 'permission' to go away with my classmates, of which made me so mad when he said that. I told him it was wrong for him to say that.
I am abit confused about what I should do... I love him, and have met someone who is very close to being the one, except for this.. Help please :(

JoeCanada76
Oct 21, 2011, 12:07 PM
You should not need permission from him. Four month relationship and yes very pushy and controlling and possessive. Please end it, please get away before it is too late. He is wrong in treating you like this.

I think you should end it. It sounds like it might even get physically abuse at times.. So this is no good.

That is my opinion about what I think. He does not trust you. With behaviors like that.

In the end, it has to be your decision on what you do. Hope you get more opinions on your issues.

talaniman
Oct 21, 2011, 01:50 PM
If he is this paranoid, controlling, possessive, in the first 4 months, imagine the next 6 when he really shows his true colors.

Leave while you can, he already says he ain't changing. That masters degree doesn't make your heart smart, so use your brain, and leave him alone.

Aleighprettyme1
Nov 12, 2011, 08:10 PM
I understand completely what your going threw. First of all I hear you say your scared of him and how he'll react, you shouldn't be with someone your scared of, how can you be happy with someone who scares you, Also he is very controlling and to me he sounds like its not just your friends he doesn't trust, he may say he trusts you but it doesn't sound like he does.
Guys are naturally protective of their women, its who they are, but it goes a little to far when they tell you who you can and can't hang out with. You have a life to live, Don't let someone else make your decisions in life because its yours.

richardsal
Nov 13, 2011, 02:43 PM
Yes I do not think that you should have been dancing with other guys... and then when you were and he came there you were unaware of him being there so that looks to him, that you act different when he's not around. Honestly sounds like he caught you acting flirtatious when he is not around. I would be upset with my fiancé if I walked in on her dancing with some guy. Especially if it was a guy I already had suspicions of. Also with you going away... how come you don't ask him to go with you? I mean you are together right? I wouldn't go away without my fiancé and neither would she. Sounds to me like you are not ready for a serious relationship, and if you are you should change some of your ways. They are not conducive to a relationship. Either that or you need to find someone more like you. Someone that likes going places without you and who likes flirting with other girls and dancing with other girls and who doesn't think these things are problems. There are plenty of guys out there like that and sounds to me that's the kind of guy you need. Not the guy your with. You obviously don't understand each other and are probably not meant to be.