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View Full Version : How to deal with a break after a 2 year relationship


elmo123
Oct 20, 2011, 02:18 PM
Hello Everyone. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years and it was going great until he started school this semester and went into it full gear with 18 credit hours! What didn't help was the fact that we started working through our differences and it was really stressing him out on top of school. He tends to close up when he's under a lot of stress which made it even harder on me because he started acting distant with me and did not want to deal with us arguing and fighting.

I started taking it very personal and suggested a break, he didn't like it and begged me to stay and understand that he was under a lot of stress and that after this semester was over it would go back to normal.

I understood but he became even more distant right after the talk which hurt me even more. The next day when I let him know how I was feeling he turned around and said that we should go our separate ways because it would be good for both of us. He said he still loved me and cared about me but he needed time for school and didn't have time to deal with us arguing.

It's been three days and it still hurts but I understand now that I should have given him his space and just be there for him. He texted me yesterday and asked how I was doing and we had like a three text conversation. Today he told me he still loved me but that it wasn't a good time for us.

I'm determined to give him the space he needs but I fear it might be too late and he won't come back to me.

poploll4
Oct 20, 2011, 03:04 PM
Whether he does or doesn't come back, its in the past. It's so so so hard to move on from something like that. Just eat ice cream and watch a movie, that helps me. Also, try to think of other things, or go over the situation in your head, like what could have happened to make things different. Life will get better (:

talaniman
Oct 20, 2011, 06:15 PM
He is still texting you so be cool, and act like you can give him space to get adjusted, and focus on school without overwhelming the poor guy.

That has to be a drastic step to dump someone that's needy as you were, but I think if you can control yourself, stay busy and have some fun without him, then maybe he will see that you are cool, calm, and collected enough to handle an mature relationship.

Find some outlets for your emotions, and relax. Don't panic even if 3 days turns to 4.

elmo123
Oct 21, 2011, 08:50 AM
Hey Guys! Thanks for the input. I understand now that I was being somehow needy, reason for this was we used to spend almost everyday together and do everything together so I was kind of spoiled with his attention which the reason it was hard for me to understand why all of a sudden I wasn't getting it. Yesterday he found out through one of his friends that my overprotective brothers were talking about him and saying how he was giving a lame excuse for our breakup, that definitely heated things up! He took his anger out on me last night telling me that I needed to control my brothers otherwise he wasn't sure if he'd be able to come back to a family that hated him. My brothers don't hate him they just don't trust him especially after the breakup. I explained to my brothers that he just needed his space but they still got upset. He texted me later that night and apologized for yelling at me and taking it out on me, but I never texted back as I'm still hurt for him saying all those hurtful things over a situation that I had no idea was going on. Btw... I can't control my brothers at all.

talaniman
Oct 21, 2011, 10:28 AM
You are right, you cannot control your brothers, but I can imagine you made them quite aware that you were not happy about this break up! What else could cause such a reaction?

Is this another example of how you need a lot better control of yourself, your words, and actions? Only you can control YOU, and its something to think about when all the males in your life are angry.

When you calm down, I bet they all calm down.

elmo123
Oct 21, 2011, 11:52 AM
So true @talaniman. I ended up texting him back and told him I forgave him and also told him I had made my brothers well aware that I was very upset about them talking crap. I told him they wouldn't talk anymore. And yes I did make it very clear to my brothers that I was very upset about them talking like that. They promised they wouldn't talk anymore. I understand where my place is in this situation. I love my ex-boyfriend very much and he told me last night he still does too. So I am being very careful to preserve what little we have that still ties us together. I feel like he still wants me in his life.

elmo123
Oct 21, 2011, 12:00 PM
To clear up that last answer to @talaniman. When we broke up I was very heartbroken, my brothers noticed I was sad and heard me cry at some point. So they asked what had happened, I told them that my boyfriend and I had just broken up because he felt he needed his space and time to focus on his school. I believe my reaction to the break up is only human. Right? I was over reacting or being obnoxious and I never made my ex-boyfriend out to be the bad guy. My brothers have just never trusted him because that's just how they are. Very overprotective.

talaniman
Oct 21, 2011, 12:31 PM
Sorry if you think I was making you responsible for the actions of your brothers, that was not my intention.

elmo123
Oct 25, 2011, 11:45 AM
Hello Everyone,

Yesterday I found out through a friend that my my ex-boyfriend texted this girl while we were dating and asked her out on a date and when she threatened to tell on him, he told her he was kidding. He hid this from me and never told me. Yesterday I confronted him about it and he said he was stupid for doing that and that he still loved me and the past week was hardest week ever for him. He couldn't think about school because he missed me so much and that he was sorry for breaking up with me. He started tearing telling me that he realized what a jerk he had been to me. He said he had every intention to come back to me after the semester was over and that the reason he didn't tell me about this girl was because he knew that I would leave him forever. On top of that I found out he was talking to another girl just last week we broke up and he took her out on a date and stuff. When I asked him why he had done that he said that he was trying to replace someone that he knew was not replaceable. I feel like he truly is sorry but I am deeply hurt by his actions and I'm the one who needs the space now. I'm just afraid he won't want to fight to win me back or he'll leave for good.

talaniman
Oct 25, 2011, 12:24 PM
Instead of getting carried away by your own emotions and acting from impulse, and fear, why not wait and see if his words, and actions match?

Maybe you need to know if he will fight to get you back and is serious. Fact is he never would have confessed had he not been caught dating others, and if it had worked out with them, he would still be doing it.

Get better control of yourself, let the dust settle on your feelings, and think this through. I mean who needs a partner you have to worry about if he doesn't call or respond fast enough, and that's just what you will be facing if you act without thinking.

elmo123
Oct 25, 2011, 12:55 PM
So you're saying I shouldn't give him a second chance just because I'm afraid he'll leave for good, but rather wait it out and see if he fights to win me back?

talaniman
Oct 25, 2011, 01:24 PM
That's exactly what I'm saying. Afraid to lose someone who has demonstrated bad behavior, by dumping you to date others, ain't my idea of a healthy love. Even if he did fight to get you back, would you trust him?

You want him a lot more than he wants you, and that's never good.