Two threads merged together for the entire story


Ok, I've been in a relationship with this Guatemalan man for almost 4 years, we don't live together, I have a 10 year son and he has no children that I'm aware of, he's great with my son and nephew who lives with me. When we first met he would say I love you all the time and I would laugh, and tell him you don't know me how can you love me. It was hard for me to love after a 13 year gone bad relationship, but now I do love this man, when I tell him sometimes he'll just kiss or hug me, others he'll say it back. He told me he doesn't say it much because I use to laugh at him.

Well he never takes me around his family, only his brother because they live together. He just lost his sister in a car accident and she was close like a mother to him. He called me to come to hospital when they were deciding to turn off life support, I went, we then went to see her 8 month old baby who was in the children's hospital. It took 3 days to get her body to the church for her funeral, which he invited me to, so I took my mom so I wouldn't be alone, when we walked up to say our sympathies to the family I told him I was going to leave in a few minutes, he told me no to go downstairs to eat, I stayed upstairs and watched the rest of the prayers, mainly because he asked me to.

After they took the casket out to the hearse, he came back in and was standing and talking to me and my mother. He then asked me to come back to the front with him so I did, where he then officially introduced me to his family, some friends and pastors. One pastor had asked if I was going to his country with him and I said no, he then asked will do you love him? I didn't answer because I was sort of surprised, considering I had just met this man and had no clue why he would even ask that sort of question, but he then tells me well if you love him, you'll follow him. I said no I don't want to go to Guatemala, but he can follow me. Now my boyfriend is upset not because I said I didn't want to go to his country but because I didn't answer if I love him.

I'm so confused, I don't know what to do so he'll realize I do love him, I miss him when we're not together. But to top it off he called and asked if I would go to see his niece in the hospital today with him and I said yes when I got back from taking my son to the doctor. I then emailed my teacher to tell her I wouldn't be in class and she explained I couldn't afford to miss my test and that we were getting ready to take mid terms, as soon as I found out I told him he was mad and said I let him sit around for a hour waiting then changed my mind.

After trying to explain he said he understood, I said bye I love you and he said no and smirked, that's why you didn't answer the pastor. What should I do?

Is he messing with my head?

I know he's going through a lot right now. But is he trying to play with my emotions. I love him and would like nothing more than to move in with him. He tells me he's not my man because I won't, but I can't. I live at home and help take care of my mom and dad financially, I've told him to move in with me, but his pride won't allow that.

He's of a different ethnic and I guess that's why he feels he won't be a man if he lives with me, but my ex lived with us and he was of a different ethnic also. I'm torn between the situation. He'll called me the next day after telling me this wanting me to come over to his house, but I had no way, so now he doesn't answer my calls.

I think you let him come back from the visit to his country, then see if things can be worked. I doubt you will bridge the gap with the living arrangements, but you can get on the same page to see if this relationship continues.

Sounds like you both have your separate individual lives to live, and maybe it's a good thing you can't live together. The real red flag is after 4 years you cannot resolve your differences to the benefit of you both, and that's never a good sign. But wait until he can get his head on straight, and not be so needy, or demanding. Its kind of selfish to think he can even make those kinds of decisions when he has just lost his sister, and her baby. That's a huge loss, and will take a long time to get over.

Screw his pastor for getting in your business, but it was a cultural thing I think, but meant a lot to him. His ego is fragile, so it going to take some time.

I feel the living arrangements are mostly my fault, he has said on several occasions "move in with me, let me take care of you and your son" But I just can't leave my parents while they need my help. When I asked him about his country, why would his pastor say that was he thinking of going home, he said not right now, but one day, of course he's been telling one day for 4 years. So much confusion, and guilt on my part, it really really saddens me. And I had promised myself after my relationship with my son's father to never get this attached again, and I have. I didn't date for 5 years after my breakup to prevent this, now look at me. I feel like a teenager again at 34.

Love, and intense feelings are like that. But at some point you have to make decisions based on FACTS, and not just feelings. I think you have, and have just run into a glitch, and obstacle to over come, a problem to solve. That's all. Just give the situation, the relationship, and your life some time and relax, and don't feel guilty about anything.

Try and enjoy yourself, and see what happens. Didn't you say he lives with a brother? Seems you both are in the same boat.

Why are with him? To begin with?

Sorry, that's a good question. Ive been asked that.

All, I can say is remove drama. False BS expectations.

Get your agenda straight.

Time is on your side. No rush.