Two years ago I had the worst summer of my life. My father died of cancer, and then shortly after, I found out that I was pregnant and had an abortion. At the time, I was so numb to the pain I was feeling. All I knew was that my father was dead, and that I was in no position to raise a child. To be honest, I'm not even sure that I have yet to allow myself to feel the full extent. My question is this:
How do I know where I stand in my grieving process? I can't tell if I'm healed, haven't even begun the process, or maybe I just don't have the mental capacity to full comprehend the things that I've been through. It's just so confusing, and all I keep asking myself is, "what can a therapist truly do for me, when I have no idea what I'm truly feeling?":confused:
Within the next couple of years I will hopefully be getting engaged to the man of my dreams, and I have no desire to bring my demons into our marriage. I don't even know exactly what I'm asking here...

I'm not sure what you are asking exactly but if I were you I'd let the man know what happened. If you don't it can cause problems later on in you married life. You will probably feel the most of it once you are pregnant with your child from your husband. You will start thinking about the baby you never had. Your husband needs to know. He will be able to help you through it better if he knows now and not when you are pregnant.

A therapist can help you figure out what you're feeling. That's what they're trained to do!

You need to talk to see a counselor.

I'll keep you in my thoughts... you probably have some serious grieving to do yet.

Therapists are trained much more than you are accounting for. If you feel stuck in this, I would be the first to encourage you to honor your feeling about this-- you probably are stuck. That's not good and warrants seeking out the help of a counselor. There is no shame in seeking that kind of help - I have done it off and on my entire adult life.

You can't really tally where you are in the grieving process, I don't think anyone can. But I do know this, when someone dies you go into shock, you don't realise they're gone etc, so it doesn't really sink in for a while. When it does some people can feel angry at them for going, at the hospital or whatever, or angry at themselves... or the world. Some people might even make rash decisions, or constantly cry. I don't know if I'm touching on anything you're feeling? The grieving process however, can be different for everyone. In my experience, the end of full blown grieving ended when I felt a weight gone off my shoulders one morning after I had been crying constantly. I had my energy back and everything, so that's how I knew I could carry on. Have you felt like that? I'm sorry for your loss though. I'm not a therapist or anything, but maybe that might be a good step to take. Even if you don't know how you're feeling, I'm sure they will know by little things you say. Good luck :)