Some background:
I've been best friends with this girl since we were little kids. Our families are best friends. I'm very close with her family, and my friend and I, let's call her Rebecca, spend a very large amount of time together - we go to the same school and hang out on weekends, after school, and whenever we have time.

She just transferred to my school because her old school closed, and we're in the same grade, but in none of the same classes. Even so, we spend some time together during school.

Lately, since about 3ish weeks now, she's been extremely, uncharacteristically critical, hypocritical, and controlling.
For example, she's called me a baby about 10 times in the past 3 weeks. In one situation, I said "I'm so tired, ugh, I feel like I won't be able to function today" because I got 5 hours of sleep that night, and it really affected me because I usually need 9 and my body responds very sensitively to when I lose sleep. She said "you're being a baby. Wake up."
In another situation, I accidentally leaned back and hit my head on the hard back of her couch. It hurt - not terribly, but it hurt. I said "ugh, ow" quietly, and she asked me what was wrong, and I told her. She said "_____,you're being a baby." she called me a baby for having the normal human reflex of expressing pain. I didn't scream or anything - if she wasn't right next to me, she wouldn't have heard me mutter "ow".


In another situation, we were talking with a neighbor about babysitting. This neighbor asked me if I'd be able to babysit on Saturday nights or sundays. I said "I'd rather babysit on saturday nights - on sundays I'm usually busy with homework." and my friend said "______ (my name), don't tell her you're so busssy with hommmeeworkkk on sundays", sarcastically, implying that I couldn't possibly be as busy as I say I am. She doesn't believe me when I tell her that I have to work really hard on homework, that it's difficult for me to study for tests, and that I lose sleep and get stressed over schoolwork. She thinks it's my fault or something. I have a lot of work because my teachers give me a lot of work, and maybe hers don't. But when this friend can't relate to something I'm going through, lately she assumes that it's because I did something wrong, or that what I'm saying isn't true - that it couldn't possibly be as difficult as I say it is.
And later, she refused my offer to go see a movie the next day because she said she has to study for a big test. So, in this situation, it seems like she thinks it's unnacceptable for me to refuse something because I'm busy with schoolwork, but it's fine for her to do it.
She's being very unsensitive, overly critical, and lately she has been patronizing me - telling me how to do something as if I don't know how to do it, or because she thinks I'll do it wrong, and treating me the way she treats her little 5 year old sister. It's terrible, and it makes me not want to spend time with her when she acts this way, but I'd never want to lose her as a friend because she really is the best friend I've ever had, we're extremely close, like sisters, and I don't know what's causing her to act like this - maybe it's something I've done, or something else that's causing her to act like this.

Please tell me how to resolve this, how to talk to her about this, and what you think I should do. Ignoring her or being mean back to her is not an option. We need to work this out calmly, rationally, and sensitively.

Thank you.

Anonymous001100,

Welcome to this beautiful site, first!

Do not read too much into it. Girls often try to dominate and dictate terms to boys; nothing unusual about it. What are your ages, by the way? You seem to be a child yet, but it is just my imagination or guess, which can be wild, no doubt. But, I want to tell you that at teenage, the girls (even boys) are passing through very roughs and tumbles in their body. These changes make them dominating, and when they get a chance, they do so, and as you tolerate her dictates, you become an easy prey/victim or scapegoat. Do not look too much into it. It is normal, my dear.

Umm, I'm a girl, by the way. We're both 16.

Anon,

I mistook the relationship as gf-bf stuff. It is different ball game, altogether. Still, my answer is same - I mean - it is in the form of a question, "Is not it possible, that she calls you 'baby' only to express her love?" It may be a case of TOO TOO much love. Have you thought of it, from this point of view? Sometimes, we fail to read between the lines, could not see through the faces/relationships. Relook into it!

Good luck!

Kahani Punjab - interesting way to think of it. I sort of see what you mean, but I don't exactly understand how this criticism could be out of love - it doesn't seem to be constructive criticism at all!

Hi Anon',

She sounds like she's taking something out on you,maybe your spending to... much time together and perhaps she has her eye on another friend she'd also like to spend time with, even a boyfriend, but maybe feels that now you are both at the same school you expect her to always be with you.

I think this could well be the case,initially, you both went to different schools, so there was some time apart from each other enabling both of you to be your own person,now that you are together at school and at home,I think you are both suffocating each other.

At 16 all kinds of things are developing with in your bodies:hormones will be a big factor,chemistry between male and female, the need to develop your own personality not to mention the pressures of school studies,very important at this time for both of you.

I think you should suggest a break from the regular pattern that your lives have taken,maybe only hang out a few days a week and every other weekend or what ever suits you both best.

Both of you need some space away from each other to develop other friendships, whether they be male or female.By instigating this move you will strengthen you friendship between each other in the end.

I am sure once this is put foreword to your friend the bickering will stop and you will both look foreword again to spending what will then be... quality time together.

Some times even our best friends can irritate us, or even make us mad with their ways. That's okay, as who gets along perfectly all the time. There are always glitches and conflicts.

I think you just accept her as she is, and tell her when she irritates you. Friends accept friends, the good, and the bad, and all their annoying habits. Sometimes to avoid conflicts we let things pass, and forget to be honest with others about our feelings. Friends have to be honest, good or bad sometimes or what's the point of hanging out as a friend?

That doesn't mean go off all the time, just when its appropriate, as maybe she sees herself as a bit more mature, or knowledgeable than you. Maybe she is going through something, or YOU have ways that irritate HER. That's why friends talk, listen, and understand. Because its about being honest, so you both know where you stand with each other. Pay attention, and be straight about how you feel, so you won't be friends in name only.

Be nice to each other. Irritated or NOT.

My advice tell her how you feel and how she is making you feel


If you don't like being treated a certain way don't accept it.
We only get treated by how we are allowed to be treated.


Tell her if she wants to keep on being your friend she must respect you.

Simple as that

Simply tell her she needs to stop. Tell her u love her lik a sister but she's being harsh and critical.

Maybe she is emulating behaviors/biases based on her existing relationships with her parents and her younger sister. Being "critical by nature" is never truly a natural state of being IMO. I would rather believe it's a learned behavior... Just my humble opinion.