I have been with this girl for more than a year we have a distant relationship.
We were really serious and she is crazy in love with me she came to my country after 2 months of being with her and she was crazy about it and we had a lot of fun.

Then we spent 2 months apart and then a month together in her country, our feeling for each other got stronger and stronger to the point we talked about living together and maybe getting more serious.

At the summer I when to her country again and spend about 3 months together and I was going to leave the to go back to my studies and I got a flat for us to be in because she was coming to stay with me and she was 100% sure she wanted to do that, she even booked her ticket when I was there for one way. After I went away in about a month she called me and she said she was not sure for coming for a year or two to stay with me and it made me feel bad but I told her that I am not pressuring her and its her choice if she wants to stay for less, she also said she was scared about coming because she said it made her feel like that she had to come and be with me and she had to give up everything and I told her that its not like that and that my feeling for her are clear and not a doubts is in my mind, so she said its OK.

After two days she called me and told me that she is thinking about canceling the ticket and as you understand I got sad and scared, I asked what is the reason for that and she said that she doesn't want to leave and go and stay with me because she is not sure that that's what she wants to do and that is she is going to come she has to be 100%. Even though she said to me when I was with her that she was 100% to come, now she has changed her mind in like a week. Its insane because a week before everything was OK and perfect and then a week after everything became crazy. I talked to her and try to figure something out and she told me that she is not sure and she need some time to think about that and she asked me not to think that it has nothing to do with us and that she loved me.

Next morning she called me and she was crying and we tried to talk and I did my best to make her feel better and I did. Then next day we went on and talked again and it seemed that the problem was still there and she was still confused about everything and then she became distant from me and barely messaged me but she did tell me that she loved me in her messages. I talked to her after 3 days but during those 3 days we were sending about 4 messaged a day and no calls or anything. I was worrying insane but I didn't show it to her and after 3 days I had a serious conversation were she told me all the problems and droughts that she was having and most of them were like, I don't want to leave everything behind, I was just standing to get along with my brother, I didn't really get to hung out with my friend a lot this passed year. She was crying when she was talking to me and I asked her, were are we going with us and she said she didn't know anymore, she said that she was stressed and she needed time and I asked her is she wants to break up with me because that what she made me feel like the passed week and she said that's not what she wants at all, she said that she loves me and doesn't want to lose me.

I told her to be honest and truthful with me and tell me if the way she feels for me actual love and not just a friendly love or just words, she told me that she does love me and that is not the case and that was she is trying to do is figure things out to see if she truly wants to take a risk and do that with me because if she is coming to me she is coming with no doubts. I told her that what she was telling me I understand and told her to not make her decision based on fear because all she is doing is adding doubts from the fear she has.

Then after that conversation we had we just made it clear that we love each other and that we want to be with each other but still she needed time to figure out if she was ready to come. She keep saying that if she cancel the ticket she might make it for coming later or next year and I told her that if you stay away from me for 5 months I don't think you will feel the same way as you did when it was just 4 weeks to come to me and when she will sit down and think about it after we have been 5 months away her decision will be based on false feeling at the time because distance can make thinks seem really distant.

I told her that maybe we shouldn't talk at all this time so her feelings for me can come true in her mind and I know they will since the last time she call me and was crying and when we were not really talking for 3 days she was ****. She easily gets scared and I understand her fears but I told her that sometimes some sacrifices have to be made and she didn't have to come for a long time she could come for a month and then go home and then rethink about coming again.

How much time do you think I should give her and if she messages me what should I do.

I tried to say things as best as I could. If have not understand something tell me so I can reply giving a full explanation.

Any advice would be good.

You never got off on the right foot.

Rushed into things before you really knew her or had a normal, close relationship.

And transitions, long distance and such, is a difficult recipe. Causes stress.

The point is, she's not willing to commit & isn't as serious as you.
I don't really blame her. These are giant decisions.

Ive been in my share of LD relationships. They are nothing but trouble & heartache.
Mine have never ended being together.

Spending the majority of your time missing someone is no way to live.
Even though you care about her.

I would put the brakes on.

Well that was the thing if she is not sure yet I just tried to tell her to come for a month and she made it clear that she doesn't want to break up. Do you think I should wait and see and if she says that she might come later what should I do ? How long should I wait before I end the time she needs.
Her coming to be with me would have been the idea to see what she actually wants but if she never comes then she will never know.

Honestly, I wouldn't wait.
Never put your life on hold for someone else.

Like I said, you guys never had a real relationship.

When I say "real" I mean actually being together.

Long distances relationships are always up & down.
Like a nice vacation filled with fun, then not. Missing & being uncertain as to the future.

I wouldn't press it. She may say she doent want to break up, yet doesn't want to commit.

Again, LD's aren't "real" just wishy-washy.

If you just want to see her, have fun from time to time, that's one thing. Then enjoy that.
Just don't make any serious plans at this point. Or have serious expectations.

She sure doesn't want that.

Give her all the time and space she needs and deal with the distance by focusing on your studies while she makes up her mind.

Stop all this whining and begging and just have good conversations until it becomes clear that you can be together, or you don't want to be any longer.

It's a lot more fun that way as LDR's are hard, so stop forcing things. Relax, and go with the flow, with no pressure, or conditions. Just do what you have to do to get through the tough times.

Good Luck.

Blade,

She isn't ready to make such a commitment. For the relationship to progress, you both have to want it to and unfortunately that may not always be at the same time. The idea of leaving behind her life may just be too hard right now. It is a great deal to give up.

Try not to put any pressure on her. Let her know how you feel and let her know that you can stick with just some visits for awhile still. Give her the time she is asking for to decide what she wants.

My husband and I had a long distance relationship, and at one point I felt that I wasn't quite ready for something more serious, even though I had thought I was. After a few more months, I became more sure of things.

More details DoulaLC.

How did you guys work it out?
What were the circumstances?

More details on how we worked it out.

Well she told me she needed more time after the 3 days we didn't really talk cause she couldn't decide and was feeling **** and sad because we weren't talking a lot. I told her that I didn't sent her a lot of messages so she could understand that having me in a daily basis is good and that when she starts to not have me then more deeper emotions about me will come out and she would feel bad. Its like her heart tells her that she is in love with me with no doughts and then the brain comes and hold those emotions back and feel them with fear. How long do you think I should wait though before I sent her anything and what to do if she sends me a message ?

My girlfriend needed some space and I gave it to her and it was a no contact space for her and after 2 days she text me and told me that she loves me and misses me what should I do?

We didn't argue or fight she just said she needed some time to think about some other stuff that have nothing to do with us. But to if she is ready to come and live with me.

Blade1234,

She needed (yeah, NEEDED) the space, you gave to her, danced to her tunes (LOLS) and obeyed her. Now, she found that you are okay, rather she is okay with you. It happens. You need to understand feminine needs, biological, bio-chemical and psychological ones. The harmones work differently among sexes. Now, when all is normal, and relationship has chances of lasting long, if other intervening factors tend to cypher.

She sent me a message today saying that she loves me and misses me and I replied after she went to bed that I missed her to and I love her and I really missed her. I hope I did the right think since we were in no contact space. She knows she loves me and that she wants to be with me but she said when she needed space to figure out if she is ready for such a step, even though she originally said she was and that she was excited about it

Its still a big step to take, no matter how exciting it may be. Do you even know what kind of future plans she may have besides living with you? Will this slow down her career? What major changes are there going to be for her, and what is she leaving behind.

Besides living together, what are your future intentions? These are things to know, talk about, and consider.

Were we did plan a future that she was really excited and happy about it and we even talked for marriage and she was full on about that. I told her in our relationship that I didn't want her to make big sacrifices and that after I finish I will move there to her country. She said she didn't really care if she was going to stay in her country and that she wanted to travel with me and she was happy and I told her that I don't care were I go and what I leave behind as long as I am with her. But as I said she freaked out when she had to leave her country for some time and she started to worry and fear a lot so the space that I gave her was for her to figure out if she was ready for it and I told her not to let her fear mess with her head and that I believe in her and that I believe that she will make the right choice. So now today we are at the point that she has sent me a message saying she loves me and misses me after 2days of no contact at all, since I was giving her space.

Plans and talk are fine, but reality is scary. You have only been together a year, and she may not be as ready as you are to make such big changes, so try to understand that, and be more practical, and more patient, as this is a chance to build, and get to know each other better, and no need to push.

You still have much to learn about each other. So learn and enjoy, and see what happens. What's the hurry? I know love! Slow down and pay attention.

More details DoulaLC.

How did you guys work it out?
What were the circumstances?

Vanheart:

We continued to talk on the phone and online daily as we had before. He had proposed on a trip over, and while I thought before that time that I was ready, when it came time to give him an answer, I didn't feel quite ready to make that jump just yet. I think it surprised both of us.

He went back to the UK and we just kept talking like before. A few months later, I felt ready and asked him if the offer was still open... :)

Our circumstances were different in that he was the one making the move to where I was. We also both had our respective children to consider as mine in particular were a major consideration since he would be moving to marry me and living with my four children as well.

Blade: I think it is important to keep in mind what was said. It is one thing to get caught up in the idea of being in love, traveling together, spending all your time with one another, as it is exciting and full of good feelings... :) It is another thing when you look at the reality of such a change. Living with someone, or marrying someone, is enough of an adjustment. Throw in a major move to a different country, a foreign culture to get used to, leaving behind family and friends, etc. it can be quite a different matter, and a scary one to consider.

It doesn't mean she doesn't love you or doesn't want to be with you. She may just not be as comfortable with the idea of such a move as she had thought and needs to go a bit slower.

I think you are doing fine by just continuing to talk as you did before. Skip the talk of a move and living together. Maybe just see if one of you can plan another visit before too long and see how things go.

Thanks Doula.

Appreciate that.