My boyfriend and I had an argument yesterday about my lifestyle. We were both at the pub, and we were both drinking, but he always drinks so much more than I do and goes overboard and acts like an idiot.

I went outside for a cigarette (I only smoke rarely and socially), and my boyfriend got angry at me, even though he often smokes socially. He soon became mad and changed the subject to me not having a very good lifestyle. He said I didn't exercise enough, and criticized my weight (and even I know I'm thin).

Then he had the nerve to ask me to come home with him? So I said no, and he stormed out of the pub. I waited for my lift, and when I got home, I rang him up to make friends, and that's when he said it.

"You're intellectually unstimulating".
Well, me being stubborn and argumentative, I got extremely angry and rude. He also said I was boring. Apparently he's "reading 4 books at the same time, reads the newspaper, watches the news, and plays guitar" whereas, I don't do anything.

Personally I don't believe that. I am, granted, going through a patch where I'm not motivated to do anything creative, but I do play piano and draw. I am just going through a creative lapse at the moment. I feel like my boyfriend is making me out to be someone stupid because I don't read 4 books at once, or anything like that. I don't think I'm stupid, as I'm studying psychology at uni. I'm also going overseas for the first time at the end of the year by myself, and he says that I'm not even interested in going.

Somehow we came to the topic of my birthday and I asked when he thought it was and he getting it wrong, after 2 and a half years of being together, so I told him to get ****ed.

Did I do the wrong thing? I also sent him messages that were quite rude, but he called me boring and intellectually unstimulating, and he says it wasn't an insult? But, I know if I said that to him, he'd be upset. I don't like fighting, but if someone says something to me that pisses me off greatly, I will argue back and get mean. So, I got mean and ended up telling him I didn't want to be with him anymore.

So, now he's not talking to me. I didn't mean to say that I didn't want to be with him anymore. But I'm thinking if my boyfriend thinks all of these things about me, what really is the point? Was I right to say that I wanted to end things? The way I see it, if he's bored with me, then he can go find someone else that's not boring.

What do you think? Can someone please help? I'm so confused.
April

Bunty Brown (alias April?),

First, let me welcome you to this beautiful site!

About your query, I want to first inform you that you are not alone to have faced or felt such situation. It is the commonest of the commonest feelings in the world, which the lovers in particular and people in general are destined to face.

If he does not find you 'intellectually stimulating', you do not find him up to you, sometimes, even though. If he fails to remember even your B'DAY, what's the fun of going with him? Even as forgetting B'Days is not a big deal, but its not even a big deal to remember. Boys do often forget. But the other things, put together, alongwith this, make a convincing point to forgo him.

If he can smoke, why can't you? Tomorrow, he can ask you not to SHINGLE hair... can't he? (Even as I personally feel its bad to smoke, but on issue of liberty I am against him)

If he has the nerve to ask you to go his home, you should have the nerve to say, WHAT YOU WANT.

To your "Was I right to say that I wanted to end things? The way I see it, if he's bored with me, then he can go find someone else that's not boring," I would say, YES. You are not inferior to him in any sense. You have got your own basic, fundamental I mean, and legal rights.

Is this how it is a lot of the time, or is this just a temporary thing that popped up?

Let the emotions cool off and talk calmly, when you both are for sure sober.

Who in there right mind would argue with a drunk?

I think you did the right thing, probably not in the best manner though. Over two years together and he can't remember your birthday, my dad can't remember my birthday. They're not a great type of people. I was once with an angry drunk and it was horrible. You are your own person don't let anyone tell you what you can and can't do. You shouldn't have to put up with being with someone who nit picks at you. (your intelligance, your habbits, your anything)
You made the right choice, and I feel that you should stick to it. Best of luck

People often do behave in ways when they are drunk that they wouldn't otherwise... that includes the things they might say.

I agree with talaniman. Speak to him about it when neither of you have been drinking. If the behaviour is a concern when drinking is involved, then perhaps you both should reconsider your limits for drinking.

If you find yourselves having these sorts of "conversations" with each other even when not drinking, decide if you want to continue a relationship like that. You both made mistakes in how you spoke to and treated each other.

He sounds like a prissy pants. You don't want to stick around that your whole life cause it will never stop and they will always treat you like a child. 'No no lets not do that' kind of attitude towards you. I think he's just trying to get a stir out of you, boys like to do that, push our buttons. I had a man tell me I was boring cause I wouldn't have sex with him,(wanted more insight on this issue from the internet people) yah right like I want a disease. But I realized he said this to me to get me stired up to see if I would change my mind and prove to him that I wasn't boring and have sex with him. I also had my step-mom say I didn't know how to party. Since when is partying with stripers, gays, getting wasted on who knows what and screaming in the streets till 6am not knowing how to party? Sounds like someone is just jealous cause they got old, and someone else was jealous that I wouldn't drop my pants for a penis. Hmmmm? People want to see how weak you are and try to break you.

In fact he sounds like a boring book worm, how about take me on a motorcycle ride instead. To answer your question I would say good for you, stick to your gut feeling on what you feel is right even though you may question it later. If he can't handle you telling him off then he isn't a real man. Usually men don't like mind games not honesty. You're a powerful person to be able to stick up for yourself when your instantly hurt or offended especially against someone you love.

But whatever you do best of luck and he's the boring one, except for the guitar that's cool. And I w o uld be very disappointed is my man forgot my birthday too, as if you never said anything about it coming up, most individuals do.

You suggested something, he took the idea, congratulations. Let that undeserving guy alone and redo your life with someone that at least find you a tiny bit interesting, it seems like this guy was just with you for the sex, if there was any, if not, for the hell of it.

Psychology major? Well this may be his lucky chance to get a thorough psycho analysis from you... this guy is an ! Being called boring or as you said "intellectually unstimulating" is an extreme insult apart from the other junk he threw at you. Drunk or not your boyfriend should never speak to you like this its down right insensitive and selfish. Your reaction is what any woman would or at least should do! Maybe not everything you said was great, but you stood up for yourself and that is a woman with a fearless strong heart. Giving him another chance to keep walking all over you with nasty insults is like refusing to stop eating everyday until you eventually are accustomed to this "unique" taste. Plus girl I'm not only sure, but positive that there is a gent out there just waiting and anticipating the moment to meet a girl EXACTLY like you. He'll make you feel like you are anything BUT boring. Keep your eyes set on the horizon and never look back at what once bit you in the ! All the best... peeeace

Sadly I just realized you get colorful lingo deleted... "this guy is an a***h***" and "refusing to stop eating sh** everyday"... ok now I feel like its complete haha.