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View Full Version : Can someone help me deal with my jealous fiancé?


sfd89
Oct 13, 2011, 06:14 PM
Can someone please help me with my jealous fiancé. I've known him for a year. I'm about to have my wedding in the summer to him and I'm crazy in love with him and I will do anything for him. We at the mall and it begun very nice. It has changed now I had to change my cell phone number four times and deactivate my Facebook account. I can not talk to my friends unless he gives me the okay. Even when they are female friends. I can't go out unless I ask him and he only allowed me give my phone number to my mom and sisters and my in-laws just to talk to on the phone. If he finds my number busy even with my sisters he wants a huge explanation for him to believe that I was talking to them. Please can someone advice me or tell me that do? Do I have a future with him or is he doing this because he loves me? I really do love the man.

odinn7
Oct 13, 2011, 06:22 PM
He is jealous of you... controlling who you talk to and when, controlling who your friends are and whether you can go out with them. He also demands explanations of things you do... am I correct?

I have to ask... what, exactly, do you find so enticing about this butt-head? You want a future with a controlling jerk? You do realize that he will only become worse with time, don't you? If you marry him, what he's doing now will get way worse.

You ask if he's doing this because he loves you. Well, I can't say if he really does or thinks he does love you but I will say this... Love means acceptance and giving and taking and blah-blah-blah... Love does not mean controlling someone like he is doing to you.

talaniman
Oct 14, 2011, 11:57 AM
Are you crazy? Or do you look forward to being controlled your whole life, and be kept as a pet, or personal slave?

The future will be even more miserable than it is now if you are foolish enough to marry this fellow. Loving this fool is bad enough, marriage is worse.

vanheart
Oct 14, 2011, 03:04 PM
This is a really good sign as to not only who he is, but you rushing things.

I'll bet you don't want a controlling guy for the rest of your life. Who does?

Take the time to REALLY get to know someone before you start planning futures together.

Your young. Date more guys. Start taking charge of your life.

"is he doing this because he loves me?"

No. Healthy couples put that crap aside. They communicate & work together to meet each others needs.
And plan futures.

Sounds sucky to me. Jealousy, in my book is one of the worst emotions.
Stems from insecurity.

Gross.

JoeCanada76
Oct 14, 2011, 09:35 PM
This is emotional abuse, and guaranteed it will eventually turn into physical abuse. The best thing you can do is get out of this relationship while you can and before you seriously get hurt.
It is of course your choice. Whether you love the man or not. Does not give him a right to treat you like this. There is no way you can change this person or this persons behavior.

I think you can do so much better.

Jake2008
Oct 14, 2011, 10:09 PM
I am curious if you ever make your own demands, or tell your fiancé that there are limits to how much of your life you are willing to compromise to meet his needs.

For example, he is the one that has a need to control who you talk to on the phone. You in turn, to satisfy his need, give up using your phone in normal ways, i.e. talking to your girlfriends.

He crosses a boundary that he has no business crossing, and you allow it.

That is only one example of probably dozens of 'compromises' you make to please him, because you 'love' him.

You do nothing wrong, yet he is accusatory. You walk on eggshells, yet he still finds something wrong with the way you think, talk, act, etc.

He chooses your level of freedom, most likely what you wear, how you wear makeup (if he allows it at all), and holds you accountable to answer to every minute of every day.

Being critical of you, he further controls the simplest of choices you make. What you make for dinner, the type of soap you put in the shower. He checks the odometer in the car, knows all your passwords, and decides what, if any, social life you can have.

He is suspicious, controlling, and angry, and needs an outlet to feel secure. He will not tolerate disobedience, talking back, expressing your own needs and wants. Nothing you say or do is worth regarding seriously, unless of course, it affects him personally, and he'll just up the ante until you comply.

You will eventually lose yourself. The lifestyle you are choosing with this man will suffocate you, and destroy you. It won't get better. He will not change. He doesn't think he has a problem.

Get out while you can.

vanheart
Oct 15, 2011, 02:12 AM
I agree w/Joe & Jake.

Here it is in short form. Screw the reasons.

"This is emotional abuse"

"Get out while you can."