My boyfriend and I have been together for over 2 and a half years. When we first started dating, sex was at least twice a week, we went on dates, we were in the regular "honeymoon" stage.

Over the last year or so, the sex and dates have dwindled. I asked for us to have a date night jar, where we each put in dates we'd like to go on and pick one every other week or something and he didn't like the idea. I've asked to watch movies or to just cuddle and he gives me an excuse. He thinks that us being in the same room is spending time together. For instance, if I'm on the computer and he's playing video games, that's spending time together in his mind.

As for sex, I'm lucky if we have sex once every two weeks or so. We've talked about it and he says he's "not in the mood", or "tired", or something along those lines. I've tried letting him pick out lingerie and surprising him with some but lingerie isn't his thing. He says I don't respect him when I do ask for sex. He says I need to be patient and wait for him to come to me. The bothersome thing is that he's masturbating at least twice a week. When I asked him about that, he told me that he just looks at it. He also says it's easier to masturbate than to come to bed and have sex with me.

I don't know what to do. I feel ugly, unwanted, and worthless. When I tell him how I feel, he gets upset. When I ask to cuddle, I have to beg and he'll groan or sigh before cuddling. We barely kiss each other anymore as he says he only did it because he knew it would make me happy but he's content with not touching me or kissing me.

May I ask how old the two of you are please?

26 and 23

How long have you been living together?

Do you have 'me' time where you go out with friends or pursue hobbies/interests on your own? Having a support system outside the relationship can help you feel more secure and able to handle the problems in the relationship.

If he won't sit down and talk to you (best option), then you can write a letter/note explaining what you are feeling and why. If he will sit down and talk to you, then be as open and honest with him as you can be. Listen to his side and try to find a compromise.

Couple's counseling is another option. However, he has to be willing to go. No matter what he has to be willing to put effort into the relationship and that seems like something he sees no benefit in doing.

I think you need to be honest with him that the relationship is not working out for you. You are partners in the relationship and you deserve to be treated with affection and respect as much as he does. If he thinks otherwise then maybe there isn't a relationship to work on.

I suggest you stop begging for anything from him especially affection and intimacy. Once you let him know how you feel, back off and let him come to you. If he doesn't, then you have an answer and need to start looking at ways to dissolve the living arrangements. Letting go and healing may be all that is left.

Thanks Cat,
We actually tried counselling and he stopped wanting to go. We have talked about it, but he gets upset or turns it around on me. I guess I have my answer I just have to face it.

Thanks Cat,
We actually tried counselling and he stopped wanting to go. We have talked about it, but he gets upset or turns it around on me. I guess I have my answer I just have to face it.

And just think... if he's like that now, imagine after 5 or more years...

Yeah, I think you do know what the answer is.

Here is an example... I'm 50, I've been married 20 years, In all that time the only time we didn't beat your average by more than triple every week (nearly every day), was when she went overseas to vist her family and I didn't go with her (and that's only because I had no vacation due to being in a new job)

"When I tell him how I feel, he gets upset."

This statement should really set off red flags. If counseling didn't help, then you might be better moving on to someone else. It's scary, but in the long run you will be better off. Hang in there- I wish you lots of love and luck.