I'm having trouble letting go of some bitterness over a such a stupid incident and I'm afraid I'm going to deal with it the wrong way and get myself into serious trouble. Around March this year I had just gone through a messy break up with a girl, I live in a small island in the UK, in the place that I live it is almost impossible not to run into people that you really don't want to. Nightmare! Anyway, a few weeks after all the drama had settled down I went to a local nightclub with a group of friends on a Saturday night (there are only 2!). After a few drinks and a good time (im a happy drunk not an angry one) I noticed my ex in the bar with a few of her friends.
Letting water pass under the bridge I approached her and we began chatting, very civilized, how are you, what are you doing these days etc etc, I don't like to have bad blood with anyone. Whilst engaged in conversation one of her friend's boyfriends 'Diego', a skinny, rat looking portuguese boy came over and began telling me that I was 'not allowed' to talk with her. I ignored him and carried on my conversation as the ex looked happy enough to do so and even told him to go away, but rat boy would not go away. He began pulling me away and we began arguing loudly in portuguese (I spent 6 months in Brazil as part of university course), I was annoyed as who I talk to has nothing to do with him, he doesn't even know me etc. Finally I got a friend behind the bar to remove him. End of story as far as I'm concerned.
5 minutes later myself and the ex went to the smoking area, still talking. This prick was there with a group of scummy looking friends, I wasn't bothered just kept having a good time. I looked over and he mouthed to me basically offering me outside. For some reason this made me really angry I tried to go towards him, his friends blocked it etc ( one of them was the ex's new boyfriend I later found out, which is probably why the whole thing started) anyway, a whole lot of pushing and shoving went on, before I just left the scene and the club, I knew I couldn't afford to get into any trouble as I was due to start a new life in Hong Kong a few weeks later and didn't want to ruin that. All my friends came out, who had missed the whole incident, and we got into a taxi. My blood was still boiling.
As we began to drive off I saw Diego and for some insane reason jumped out of the moving taxi and approached him from behind, I threw a punch, but slipped in the rain and fell flat on my face without even connecting! He turned around and tried to kick me in the face, luckily slipping as well and he landed on the floor. Apparently was hilarious to all the people who were waiting for taxis. How embaressing!
Next thing I know I'm in the back of a police van being escorted to the station under arrest. ****! They charged me with drunk and disorderely, fair enough really, I was completely smashed. I went to court and got fined ?400.
I can understand that, but I was furious to find out that he .diego, got away scott free despite starting the whole thing in the first place and trying to kick me in the face! I thought to myself **** it I'm moving away, this kid is a loser etc etc. Good thinking! But when I arrived in Hong Kong and was settled I noticed that I just couldn't forget about this boy. Many people had done and said much worse things to me over the years and I've never cared or reacted, but with this boy there was something that really got under my skin. While I was away I kept hearing from various girls that he was telling people in my hometown that he was going to beat me up etc, (he couldn't beat an egg) and this made me even angrier. I like to think a rational person, well educated, good friends and family, but I was furious. I joined a boxing club and began going to the gym day in day out all with the only motive to beat the living **** out of this boy and his friends when I got home. Childish, I know. It's now 6 months later and I'm still in Hong Kong. I am due to fly home for the christmas holiday's soon and I know its inevitable that I will see this prick or/and his friends at some point and I just don't know if I'm going to be able to control myself when I see him.
He has probably forgotten about the whole thing but I haven't. He is an arrogant, unemployed, pot head waste of skin, so why do I care so much? I am now armed with boxing skills and much stronger frame than before, but I know in my heart I should be the bigger person and just walk away and avoid any further trouble, but I just can't let it drop in my mind, I know that even if I tried to let it drop he would again provoke me. So please, don't give me any comments of how immature and childish this whole thing is, because trust me I know, but instead just give me some wisdom into how to let such things go. I don't want to hurt anyone, especially my mother, by getting into trouble, but this boy has pushed me to my limit. Help?

I remember you asking about going or staying...
There are a couple of things bothering me about this story, and one overall theme that I don't think you are seeing, about life in general.
One is how does a messy breakup, which you mentioned in two posts now, lead to a friendly conversation in a bar?
Another is how it is relevant that the guy who came between you is skinny and Portuguese and what he and his friends look like. He was wrong to think it was his job to protect her or the new boyfriend - that's all.
It's interesting that you don't mention what she said when you and he got into this. It's basically ALL her decision, and yet men since time began have ignored the woman while they fight over her. The doe stands there while the males lock horns.
Then you are the one who went out of your way to go after him swinging, when the VERBAL fight was all over. So yes, you got arrested. To blame him for 'starting it' and thinking he should have been arrested too (when he did nothing physical first) is naïve and foolish. People argue all the time and don't get arrested.
Now about life: I know it's hard to let go of stuff like this. But I know from experience that letting go is directly proportional to how meaningful and full the rest of your existence is. You are lacking something in your life. It might be the ability to have close relationships and feel love, or it might be what you want out of life and out of yourself.
This event is really and truly the sort of thing that needs to be DROPPED. No one died or was even maimed, or left with psychic trauma (although it's festering in you). You want to go back and renew the fight because something is missing in your life.

Oops, sorry, delete my sentence about not mentioning what she said - she told him to go away. I stand by the rest of my remarks.

I'm not trying to kick you in the pants or make you sound pathetic (as you had said to my other response). There's no need to go from one extreme to the other. You don't seem at all pathetic. You have managed to do things by age 23 that many don't, such as finish college and live in various parts of the world. You are still at an age when most of us cast about for meaning and a direction in life, and we struggle with how we and the world are different from what our parents did at our age, often settling into a routine of job-for-life and spouse and kids and white picket fence. Find meaning. Find love. This will fade like a puff of smoke.

It's more difficult to walk away from a fight than to actually engage in the fight.

The real fight is interally for you. Be the bigger man and do the rigth thing by letting it go. He's not worth your time, especially considering the way you described him. There are better things to do in life. Do not sink to his level.

Only if he throws the first punch do you need to defend yourself. But even then, do not get carried away in the fight. You do not need to end up in jail again over the same guy, because that would be considered a repeat offence and that does not bold welll for you.