Threads merged

:confused:
well shortly after our 2 year anniversary just this past October. She broke up with me, sayign she was unhappy. A week later some guy she works with wa sin the picture. We were both crying at the break up and I still pine over her. At first she seemed to resent me somewhat... then as time went on she said she would come back... "but i just need space" she would tell me. The first month she would tell me she doesn't want to be with me... then one day on the phone she said she is still in love withme. Christmas rolled around she says not to read in who she's spending time with she will fix us and see's clarity about us... I moved into a new apartment after we broke up and she came by and I told her I didn't want to see her unless she wanted to gte back with me... she came by anyway... I have been a compekte wreck since then. It has been almost 4 months and I still miss her evry day. I met with a friend of hers one day and she had no idea about all the things she would tell me over email and text message.
my question is is... after 2 years of a relationship with a woman who saw her whole future with me, talked about marriage and everythign else, going cold turkey with a break... will she ever come back? Even though she is dating some new guy, she says she doesn't love him and she still loves me and I still have her heart? What the F*** is that all about? She tells me space and time with bring her back. Her family absolutely loved me and her fam and friends aren't too crazy about him. However, I haven't gioven her the space she askes for.. thats my fault... I just hate not contacting her you know? What should I do to get her back... she is the only woman I have ver dated who I saw my whole life with... most days I feel lost with out her and depressed most of the time... CAN ANYONE HELP??

You got to get your life back. Go down the archive and you will find several good post that will relate to you and help you understand things better. Never underestimate the value of time. When you are missing someone and really hurting for them 4 months can seem like 4 years but in reality its not. Time can do interesting things to women especially if you were a good boyfriend. The ironic thing is that letting her go is probably the only real chance you will have of getting her back down the road. Not saying that should be your reason to let go. Try to get her off your mind, it won't work, keep trying. The worse shape you are in, the more damage contacting her does. It can throw you into decovery faster than a mack truck! She's got a boyfriend right now so you have all the time in the world. Work on yourself and treat yourself like you are the best thing to have ever happened to this planet. You'll start feeling so good you won't be nearly as concerned with whether you guys get back together or not!

It sounds like she may be having second thoughts. But, if she'd have had FIRST thoughts, she wouldn't have met the other guy. So, it sounds like she's setting you up to be the backup guy. After all, if you're her guy, you wouldn't have to write things like

"christmas rolled around she says not to read in who shes spending time with"

And if she really cared about how you felt, you wouldn't write stuff like:

"i told her i didnt wnat to see her unless she wnated to gte back with me...she came by anyway"

If you want to be her back up guy, keep talking to her. If that sounds appealing to you, please consider this problem: she left you once, so why wouldn't she leave you twice?

I'd suggest strict no contact and just don't answer when she calls, writes, texts, etc.

Good luck.

Cut the contact. If she contacts you don't respond. She knows she still has you and it seems like she's keeping around in case things don't work out with the new guy. Look how she's treating you... she's messing with your head and you don't deserve it. Eventually you'll realize this and move on but you'll do yourself a lot of good by not keeping in touch with her. Look at ither posts like this and you'll see the advice is always the same, no contact. And you know what... it works

LJ, I swear this is the most common question here. As Copperhead said, read our archives and you’ll see that your problem is not unique. I think you’ll also learn something about your ex. She’s a user. She uses guys good and well intentioned emotions against themselves. Of course your answer to that is, “No, she’s different, my ex would never do that to me. She loves me too much for that.“ I’m going to attempt to show you, but hopefully if you read some of the other posts you’ll be able to see what were talking about. Because those posts will be from other people and you should recognize right away what’s going on. Many times we can see in other situations but not our own.



:confused:
well shortly after our 2 year anniversary just this past october. she broke up with me, sayign she was unhappy. a week later some guy she works with wa sin the picture.

So what that really meant was she had emotionally left you months prior. Well she was emotionally leaving you (but not physically leaving you) she was letting other people know she was available. This guy came along and she was interested so she gave you the ax.


we were both crying at the break up and i still pine over her.

She was crying because she’s a woman and they are emotional. You were crying because you were hurt and in shock. The act of crying and the interpretation of what it means between the sexes is night and day. Right or wrong (and quite frankly I think it’s wrong) women see guys crying in these situations as weak. So that probably did not help your cause.


at first she seemed to resent me somewhat...

Because you were hanging on and asking her all kinds of questions. You couldn’t accept it and she had already accepted months before she told you.


then as time went on she said she would come back...

She sure did. She saw how emotionally wrapped up in her you were. She knew that she could have you at anytime. So you became a back up plan. This guy from work or any other guy was not a sure thing. You were.


"but i just need space" she would tell me.

Exactly. She needs space to date others. When those don’t work out then you’re right there to help her pick up the pieces.


the first month she would tell me she doesnt wnat to be with me...then one day on the phone she said she is still in love withme.

She’s playing with your emotions. Women are emotional and understand emotions a hundred times better then men do. Your logical mind interrupts that as having a chance. Her emotional mind does it to keep you hanging on, and confusing you.


christmas rolled around she says not to read in who shes spending time with

How kind of her. She spent the holidays with someone else and then tells you not to worry about it. Come on you know that isn’t right.


she will fix us and see's clarity about us...

Then why is she just talking and not taking any action towards it. The only clarity is her lying.


i moved into a new apartment after we broke up and she came by and i told her i didnt wnat to see her unless she wnated to gte back with me...she came by anyway...

Yeah she did and she knew you couldn’t resist her. You should have told to leave at the door.


i have been a compekte wreck since then. it has been almost 4 months and i still miss her evry day. i met with a friend of hers one day and she had no idea about all the things she would tell me over email and text message.

Of course she didn’t. She’s not going to tell her friends that she’s stringing you along. That doesn’t make her look like a friendly person. It makes her look like a user, which is exactly what she is.


my question is is...after 2 years of a relationship with a woman who saw her whole future with me, talked about marriage and everythign else, going cold turkey with a break....

First talking about marriage doesn’t mean anything. It’s a way for her to get you caught up in her emotional game. In the future if a woman brings up marriage just shy away from it. Let her bring it up several times before you really commit to just the COVERSATION about marriage. By going along with her in the early stages that just tells her that she can have you at a moments notice.


will she ever come back??

ABSOLUTELY 100% NO, NEVER.

You need to accept this reality now. This is what you should have accepted months ago. I’m not blaming you because you didn’t know but when a woman wants a space you give her all the space and don’t talk to her at all. This woman is a user. The only time she’d ever consider coming back is if someone she actually like dumped her and she needed a doormat to dump her problems on. But that would only last until she found another girl.


even though she is dating some new guy, she says she doesnt love him and she still loves me and i still have her heart?? what the F*** is that all about?

She’s a user. She’s a player. She’s strings your emotions. You her puppet.


she tells me space and time with bring her back.

She forgot lottery winnings. That would actually be the only thing bringing her back.


her family absolutely loved me and her fam and friends arent too crazy about him.

You can’t listen to family and friends. This is between you and her. That’s just stuff people say for emotional leverage but it doesn’t matter. They can’t change anything.


howver, i havent gioven her the space she askes for..thats my fault...

Yes that is your fault but the space should be for you, not for her. She’s gone. So give her the space and heal yourself.


i just hate not contacting her you know?

Yeah I know. I’ve been there. I think many guys have. But look at it like this. What has being in contact with her given you? Nothing. Dare I say, it’s made it worse. She has dragged out your emotionally healing progress for the last four months with false promises and flat out lies.


what should i do to get her back....she is the only woman i have ver dated who i saw my whole life with...most days i feel lost with out her and depressed most of the time...CAN ANYONE HELP???

First thing. Quit contacting her. Then lose all the photos and any other reminders you have of her. Then focus on several other things you enjoy and keep doing them until this emotional rollercoaster comes down.
I think then when you look back with a clearer mind you’ll see this was over months before you actually found out. I think you also see quite clearly that she is toying with your emotions for her own gain.

Originally Posted by LoveJones
i moved into a new apartment after we broke up and she came by and i told her i didnt wnat to see her unless she wnated to gte back with me...she came by anyway...

If this doesn't illustrate who is in control and who is being controlled then you will never get it. Not healthy, and I was going to say pathetic, but I'm trying to be compassionate to your feelings. Better pay attention to what chuff has written.

:confused: Ok so this girlt hat some of you may know of is on my mind every single day. We dated for a bit over 2 years and have been broken up since mid October... that was her doing. So yesterday we spoke on the phone and she ends up crying towards the end. However if I make a point that is hard for her to argue she will start yelling at me and I never sa that side of her the whole time dating. She tells me that space will bring her back?? She claims when we don't talk she thinks about what she really wants and misses me more and more... saying she wants to be with me but not right now. She tells me that we are soul mates and that god has a plan for us... ever since then I have become very religious asking god to return her to me. We work out at the same kickboxing place and she tells me we will see each other on mon and wed, like she's doing me a favor? I said well I want more then just a series of mon and wed and memories of you. She said we can get back she can't guarantee when? Of course some other guy is in the picture and she tells me it s a girl thing? I dotn get how this happened and she did a lot of things in this relationship I never had beofre. She had a friend who who are both friends with and her and her boyfriend broke up and got back after almost 2 years and are back together they said they realized they weren't as happy w/o each toher. My ex still tells me not to think she won't come back and that I still own her heart and this was something that needed to happen to make our love stronger then it was? I hate waking up every day missing her and going to bed every night wnating her... still. What should I do? Why dores she give me false hope? She says I see everythign onesided and I just see all the negative and not the positive that can return for us? Will she come back? Should I take her back if she does? Please help??

Well you guys sound pretty serious. I've never really had that relationship with a girl yet, but my suggestion is start small. Maybe some flowers with a note that says I miss you. And eventually, I think you need to grow some balls and show up at her house. From what you've said, it's pretty obvious that she wants you back. You just need to show the same affection towards her. Now you don't want to over do it and barge into her house. I'd say that the worst you could do would be keep calling. It sounds like she still really likes you but she's either embarrassed or can't express her feelings. I mean the best thing for you would be, I know it's going to sound cheesy but just follow your heart. Honestly, if you do that you know you can't go wrong.

Man you need to grow a pair and man up! Soul mates don't lead each other on! Sounds to me like she knows you are great long term material but she wants to have a little fun before she settles down. Either that or she is just trying to let you down easy. Either get yourself together and have a little self respect or just wait for her to kick you to the curb or decide that she is ready to give you the time of day. Once again, if you'r settling for a soulmate that does this too you you are seriously selling yourself short! You need to change your attitude! Good luck!

Hey I bet I can count your girl friends, ready... 0

LJ, did you read any of these posts? Did you read Copperhead's post? His stuff was right on. How about losts? Short and to the point How about my post? Not to pat myself on the back but I thought I was very careful to take the time and spell it out for you. Did you see Tal's post. He points out that your getting used. Now you post this and I have to ask did you read anything prior. This whole post is about her manipulating you. Because she is that girl. She's a user. She sleeps with other guys. She detests you because your weak. This girl will string you along until YOU decide enough is enough. That should have been in October. It's now February. FIVE MONTHS! Five weeks would be bad enough but FIVE MONTHS is absurd. She's trash. I hope you go back and read the posts prior to this one. You got a very good version of me yesterday, and it didn't seem to change your mind so today you get the real deal.


:confused: Ok so this girlt hat some of you may know of is on my mind every single day.

She's on your mind because YOU CHOOSE to punish yourself into thinking that if you hold on like this she will see how much you love her and she'll realize that and come back to you and live happily ever after. That's how it works in every movie. If you take out the actors every movie follows a same procedure. So you've been conditioned to believe that what works on TV and in the movies, plus you throw in what women say they want, and you've been conditioned to believe that the good guy always wins in the end. Sometimes she even goes out with the jerk who she slaps in the face or knees in the balls and returns to good guy and the audience leaves happy. Well this is real life and the movie ended 5 months ago. Now your stuck sweeping popcorn (emotional pieces) and let's get real that chore should be done by now.



we dated for a bit over 2 years and have been broken up since mid october...that was her doing.

Yes it was her doing. She dropped you for another guy. SHE TOLD YOU THIS! She doesn't see you as anything more than a doormat for her personal problems. To be blunt she sees you as another woman. You are acting like another woman would act. She's a woman so she isn't attracted to that.


so yesterday we spoke on the phone and she ends up crying towards the end.

Good.

Let me be clear I'm not telling you to ever purposely go make a woman cry. I'm not telling you to be a complete jerk. But she can cry at a moment's notice to get you to respond.

You should have flat out said, “Of course your crying, you've lost a great guy and now you'll never get him back.” She wouldn't have expected that. Or how about “do you have a towel?” For a manipulator like her she didn't deserve your time but since you insist on giving it to her those would have been appropriate.


however if i make a point that is hard for her to argue she will start yelling at me and i never sa that side of her the whole time dating.

It's funny how she can manipulate your emotions through her own. It's like she is a woman and has a complete understanding that you react the same way to anything she says in the same way. In other words you have behavioral patterns and she figured them out and she manipulates you based on your response with her emotional states.

If your not going to leave, which you should, the next time she yells at you flat out tell her that if she wants to be a then tell it to her boyfriend. If she gets more upset talk back to her. Hold your ground. The problem is you never have. NEVER. So she manipulates you emotionally.

She probably tries that with her boyfriend, you remember him - the guy she cheated on you with then dumped you for, and is having sex daily with. Well anyway she tries her little games with him and he doesn't put up with it. But you do don't you. You are her emotional doormat. That is exactly how she sees you.


she tells me that space will bring her back???

Doormat.


she claims when we dont talk she thinks about what she really wants and misses me more and more...

Doormat


saying she wnats to be with me but not right now.

Doormat


she tells me tht we are soul mates and that god has a plan for us...

Doormat.


And I don't like speaking for God but the big guy is channeling me to tell you that if that skanky, slutty, stinking, two bit, nickel and dime whore is using God's name to keep you hanging on then she's many things I can't write because it would get edited right off the page. Let's just say the words start with the letter C and I'm not being overly critical because she's used God as a way to keep a good man hanging on and she's done this for 5 months after the relationship ended and 2 years prior to that.

I'm sure I'll be in trouble again for that but hey, it's the truth.


ever since then i have become very religious asking god to return her to me

Okay seriously. Do you think God created you to punish you like this? If anything God put her in your life so that you can see what some woman are like if you don't stand up for yourself. If anything God put this obstacle in your life so that you could learn from it. Are you?


we work out at the same kickboxing place and she tells me we will see each other on mon and wed, like shes doign me a favor?

Switch your classes to Tues and Thurs.


i said well i wnat more then just a series of mon and wed and memories of you.

Why? What about the memories of her screaming that other guys name when she's nailing him. What about the memories of her cheating on you? What about the memories of the emotional torture she's put you through? What about you? Why does she matter at all? Have you ever once stopped in the last 2 and half years and just said “How does this make me feel?” And if the answer is, “It sucks” then how about not following through and doing what you want for once. There is give and take in a relationship, but not at the expense of yourself. You get something back in return.


she said we can get back she can't gaurantee when?

Doormat.

Of course she can't. Because then her game is over.


of course some other guy is in the picture and she tells me it s a girl thing??

The guy she dumped you for. Remember that's what happened. Get a clue here.


i dotn get how this happened and she did a lot of things in this relationship i never had beofre.

Yeah like end so she could screw someone else. Good times.


she had a friend who who are both friends with and her and her boyfriend broke up and got back after almost 2 years and are back together they said they realized they werent as happy w/o each toher.

Big deal. Those are two different people. Did the girl in that relationship use him for 2 years then drop him to have sex with another guy? If so I feel sorry for that dude, because history repeats itself.


my ex still tells me not to think she wont come back and that i still own her heart and this was somethign that needed to happen to make our love stronger then it was??

For the love of God. Do you have a pair of balls?

Dude, I'm an extremely emotional guy and most guys would find it pathetic some of the stuff I've done and allowed to happen but I've never let a girl string me along for 5 months then tell me that a break up that involved her screwing another guy, and telling me that it was for my own good to strengthen our relationship. I've never let it get that far.

IT'S F**KING OVER! IT WAS F**KING OVER MONTHS BEFORE SHE ENDED IT! QUIT TALKING TO HER!


i hate waking up every day missing her and goign to bed every night wnating her...still. what should i do??

QUIT F**KING TALKING TO HER!!


why dores she give me false hope?

SHE'S A WHORE. SHE USES PEOPLE!


she says i see everythign onesided and i just see all the negative and not the positive that can return for us??

Of course she does. It's all your fault. It's your fault she dropped you. It's your fault she's a whore. It's your fault she's sleeping with that guy. She had nothing to do with it. Good God. And not the God she cites.


will she come back? should i take her back if she does?? please help?!?!

No. Never. She's gone, and your lucky but you don't even know it. Your lottery winning lucky and you haven't the slightest clue.

Hey Chuff, that is great! I think you put the nail in the coffin! I need to figure out how you guys are doing this quoting stuff! How about this cat disagreeing with me an taking a shot at me! Too funny! Lol

Chuff, I just went back and reread what you wrote and that my friend is excellent! Pretty hardcore but sometimes you just got to beat it in there head! Great work! Occasionally you have to get a little hard on here to make sure they get the point! Nice!

Hey Chuff, that is great! I think you put the nail in the coffin! I need to figure out how you guys are doing this quoting stuff!

I hope so. This guy needs to wake up yesterday.

As for the quotes go to the quote user button at the bottom of the post. That will give you a quote for the whole text. If you want to separate quotes like I do then you have to move the text in between the "quote boxes." I have no idea what there called but you'll see what I'm talking about when you do it.


How bout this cat disagreeing with me an taking a shot at me! Too funny! lol

That guy is a tool. He hasn't a clue what he's talking about. Fourteen with no experience in the real world telling you that you don't know about women when he's never been with one. Pathetic. I only wish I had a resource like this site when I was that age.

You were dead on the OP does need to grow a pair because this woman is killing him slowly each day and he doesn't have the slighest clue it's happening. I really don't think he knows how lucky he is not to have her, I wasn't being sarcastic when I said he was lottery winning lucky not to have her. I hope someday he'll see that.

Chuff, I just went back and reread what you wrote and that my friend is excellent! Pretty hardcore but sometimes you just got to beat it in there head! Great work! Occasionally you have to get a little hard on here to make sure they get the point! Nice!

Thank you. To be honest I know some people (including myself at times, believe it or not) cringe when I say some of the things I do but sometimes people need a verbal slap to the face to wake up. I don't wish any harm on that guy at all. But I, nor anybody else can say the same things he's been hearing for 2 and half years and especially in the last 5 months and make him wake up. Sometimes you just have to come out verbally swinging. You have to jolt somebody into realizing what is really going on.

I'm an emotional man and I've never been as far gone as he is. So I really feel for him. He's hurting but being a hanger on isn't going to help him at all. In fact it just makes it worse. Getting dumped is one thing, we've all been dumped in the long run it's not that big of a deal. It is in the moment but in the long run it's not but this guy has been holding on for 5 months and she wasn't worth it to begin with. She left him for another guy.

I tried to be nice about it in my original post and I as I pointed out so were you, lost, and Tal but he then put up another post and didn't get it at all. So the gloves were off. And when I say that I'm not trying to fight him, I'm trying to fight his emotions to get him to wake up. I think I'm misunderstood at times but if I say the same thing that stupid kid says then this guy will hold on with false hope until she gets married to another guy.

Sometimes you have to be the bad guy to be the good guy and I guess that's what I was trying to get across.

OK so I was with my girfriend for 2 1/2 years. We wre what most people considered the happiest couple ever. We recently broke up back in late October of 2006. I was shocked when she broke up with me and went through depresion sadness didn't eat, lost weight all that. Its been almost 4 months and I have the gardest time dealing with it still. We talk here andther ebut tis mostly my initaiting the calls texts emails etc. she tells me she needs space from me which I feel is ttoal bull. But says space will bring her back. Is that true? I have tried and most days can't go a day without feeling some neeed to contact her. When we do talk she makes all these promises of coming back and if I get a little stern she will cry and say she wants all that and is confused. However, there eis some other guy involvee in the picture... pretty much immediately after we broke up. Over christmas she said she had clarity of us and was going to fix us. Well that came and went and here we are. Today was icing on the cake... her grandma is in the hospital and I just always thoguth after all we been through she would want to coem tome for support? So I touched on that how I want to be there for her and then we ended up arguing and I said you are never going to coem back and I keep trying and nothing work... so ill stoip trying I know you dotn want me back... she screams out yes I do. Then text me I care about you so much sweet heart. Then I get home I have an emai, from her explaining her terrible day then she tells me she will call me tomorrow. I texted not to bother because you don't treat people you claim you are still in love with like this? Well erlier I had asked her to dinner and she said oh not tonight I'm tired just want to go home... but all along its because she refuses to tell me this ahole is coming over? So during this time why does she repeatedly tell me she wants me back and does nothing about it... and... is it possible she wants to come back but just not rready... and should I take her back... even though, I relly want her back! What the hell should I do?
Tjheres way more to it, but that's it in a very big nutshell

WELL... umm have you tried listening to her? Like actually giving her space, it sounds like there's A lot of confusion in her life and its easier to straighten things out when your not directly being faced with the problem. She obviously has really mixed feelings about you and she needs to sort them out, and with this other guy she also doesn't know what she wants. You really need to give her space, if you don't she will resent you for it. I know its hard but just try, keep busy try to get your mind off stuff. Then when she contacts you BE SUPPORTIVE, being a jerk and acting like it will get you NO WHERE in her mind, she's really fragile and just a little thing can totally turn her opinion of you around in her head, so if you nice she will like you if your not she will hate you.

As for you, you really need to find something to get your mind off her, mabye if you get involved in something productive, like frisbee, or friends, anything really, just something that keeps you occupied and such.

Dude it may sound harsh but wake up... this girl is treating you like crap. She doesn't love you. She may care about you but she doesn't want to be with you at all, especially with the way you've been acting... being all needy and all. Screw her and the other guy you don't need them, focus on yourself. You said she wants space... fine give it to her, give her all the space possible space you can by not talking to her. No contact, at all whatsoever. It's the only way you'll get over her. She messin with your head and is probably only saying those things because if things don't work out with the new guy she knows she has you to fall back on. Sorry if it sounded mean but I was in your position before and I needed to get yelled at (many times) before it actually sunk it. Ask yourself... is she really worth all your going though. Honestly if you think about it and about what she's put you through, you'll see that the answer is that she's not. Cut contact, walk away and keep your head up... there's many more and much better girls out there trust me

She says she needs space, because she's confused. Give it to her. Will she come back? I don't know, but I do know that it worked for me. I left my boyfriend of two years and moved to Jersey. Sadly, we decided to sep, but continued contact. We both ended up dating other people (without telling each other), BUT we BOTH found that we are madly in love with each other! Sometimes women start to feel lost in the relationship like that is "who she is", and if you're not able to be EVERYTHING she's ever dreamed she starts to resent you and push away. It is an excuse, but not intentionally. Let her go and figure out who she is. Figure some things out yourself. It is only then that the two of you can move forward in this relationship. She needs a change. He more you smother her, the more she will stray. Give her space, and she will be crazy to know how/what you're doing with your time. It will be good for both of you.

Honestly, it sounds like another woman too afraid to tell the truth... Best walk away, and fast. If she loves you, she'll come back. If she doesn't, you'll know you did the right thing.

ok so i was with my girfriend for 2 1/2 years. we wre what most people considered the happiest couple ever. we recently broke up back in late october of 2006. i was shocked when she broke up with me and went through depresion sadness didnt eat, lost weight all that. its been almost 4 months and i have the gardest time dealing with it still. we talk here andther ebut tis mostly my initaiting the calls texts emails etc. she tells me she needs space from me which i feel is ttoal bull. but says space will bring her back. is that true? i have tried and most days can't go a day without feeling some neeed to contact her. when we do talk she makes all these promises of coming back and if i get a little stern she will cry and say she wants all that and is confused. however, ther eis some other guy involvee in the picture...pretty much immediately after we broke up. over christmas she said she had clarity of us and was goign to fix us. well that came and went and here we are. today was icing on the cake... her grandma is in the hospital and i just always thoguth after all we been through she would wnat to coem tome for support? so i touched on that how i wnat to be there for her and then we ended up arguing and i said you are never going to coem back and i keep trying and nothing work...so ill stoip trying i know you dotn wnat me back...she screams out yes i do. then text me i care about you so much sweet heart. then i get home i have an emai, from her explaining her terrible day then she tells me she will call me tomorrow. i texted not to bother because you dont treat people you claim you are still in love with liek this?? well erlier i had asked her to dinner and she said oh not tonight im tired just wnat to go home...but all along its because she refuses to tell me this ahole is coming over? so during this time why does she repeatedly tell me she wants me back and does nothing about it.....and ...is it possible she wnats to come back but just not rready...and should i take her back...even though, i relly want her back!! what the hell should i do??
tjheres way more to it, but thats it in a very big nutshell
It's up to you to make a decision and either still go for her or just give her up. She seems to be really confused about her love life right now. Try and give it some more time. If she decides to have you back then she'll come to you. She already seems that she doesn't want you out of her life. She just wants some space right now so that she can think. Hope all ends up well.

I honestly feel as if all she is doing is stringing you along, she wants you around just in case things don't go well with the other she has you to go to and by the looks of it you will be there with open arms. She is playing you and your to blinded to see. If she really cared about you she would have explained why it is that she needs the space and she would have also of told you about the other. You sound like a really nice guy don't waste your charms on someone who is taking it for granted. Move on it will be hard but you don't want to be with someone who is going to play with your heart you need to learn how to suck it in and not show your vulnerable so much when a girl is not interested but you are they will use that to there advantage take care and I wish you the best you deserve to be happy therefor be.

Your driving this women away with your clingyness. Man she asks for space and you call her everyday? Space huh??

Anyway, not that I think it matters because it appears that she is gone but is just having trouble doing the dirty work of actually letting you go completely. Probably because she feels guilty. It is unfair of her but you aren't making things easy with this constant contact and demands your placing on her to come back to you.

She has another guy. Are you happy to play second fiddle to him? When she's done with him you want her to come running back to your accepting arms?

You sound a little selfish as well. Her grandma is in hospital and your ringing her and abusing her because she isn't treating you right and because she doesn't want you with her at this time. How selfish can you get. Do you think she wants your tantrums while her grandmother is sick??

Grow up please and accept that she has asked for space. Whether it is the mature thing of her to do or not is not in question. But you need to back off and work on your own issues for a while. It sounds as though you have probably pushed her to this position with your demanding ways!

Good luck!

Leave her alone and I mean completely alone as this thing you think is love has deteriorated into something so gross that you no longer respect yourself, and ain't enough love in the world worth losing your soul over. She has moved on so should you.

Someone once told me "always give people what they want". As hard as it is, this gift has helped me heal.

Well it has been almost 4 months. Things at the end were good with occasional fighting, tyoical couple stuff. When she broke up with me she said I was always going to be the man she loves. And that turned into a solid month of depression and heart break. We stayed in touch over thanksgiving and christmas. Since then she said she had clarity about this after talking to her mom and realised I'm the man she wants and would fix this but needed space. Well me being a dumbass called her every day asking how can we get back togther? I will send her a text at least once a day asking how she is or sayign sorry I pushed you away... she will respond you have not pushed me away. And then told me when she's not tlkign to me she's thinking of me and when she doesn't hear from me she wants to know what I'm doing but then will say I dotn want to be with you not right now. She says this will ake our love stronger? How can you need space when she has some other in the picture clouding her up. She had been askign me to move out of my parents and into my own place and go back to school. She's 26 I'm 29. Well sinc eour brakup I moved out went back to schooll. The guy she's seeing is 23 lives at home and is about 25 minutes away. Me and her live about 3 minutes away. How is that better? I understand when you like someone you do whatever. But come on? Anyway we had talked about marriage a lot so I don't know how we went form good to bad? I have tried to get her back so many times and nothing works. And it so hard to give her space because I miss all the time how we were and I feel if I dotn call/text/email or hear from her, my would is fallign apart. Most of the day I spend thinking about her, and I feel pathetic ovver it. Anyway she says she will come back in time but needs space for us to heal and see what happens in the future. She said with all the things she has told me in text and email and fone has NEVER been a lie, but I need to give her space so she can make it work again? I tod her well the more time you spoend with someone new the more you might realize she may not want to coem back? I guess that's why I feel compelled to still stay in touch and tell her nice things? I live in MI ad have thought about movign back to FL where I'm from. I thought bmaybe something drastic will mke her change her mond... like holy he left me. I know right now she has 2 guys fighting for her mainly me because ei want to be back, but I'm wondering if I did move wpould she be miserable knowing her "doormat" is no longer around. The thing is I know she knows she has the upper hand, how do I gte that power back. I'm alwas the one to innitiate contact. How do I make her want me again??
Please help!! :( :confused:

Okay, here goes. You are the puppy dog trying to catch that bone dangling on a string and your girlfriend is the one holding the string. Not much fun is it? No, it stinks, cause you never ever going to get that bone. She is manipulating you, twisting her own words to confuse you and it is working isn't it? Look at what she says - to tell you she needs her space and then out of the other side of her mouth tells you she thinks of you and wonders what you are doing when you are not talking to her. Wake up! She wants it all and right now she has it. She can dangle you while trying to find out about these other two guys. If neither one of them work out, she will still have you hanging around waiting for the crumbs from her plate. Wake up!

1. DO NOT text her daily, weekly, or even monthly. Stop the text messaging NOW.
2. DO NOT call her. Period.
3. Stay in school and get your degree and get ahead in your own life. Do it for yourself, not her. Do it to ensure your own future, not something imaginary with this girl.
4. Stay away from her in as many situations as you possibly can. If you are friends with others who know her, explain to them that you cannot attend if she is there and tell them why. You are being played by this girl. You do not need more reminders of it.
5. Get involved in other parts of life away from this girl. You are back in school, that is wonderful. Find things there that can interest you. Get out in the community. Find some activities to take up your time and energies, like volunteering. Start going to church and meet people there. The more involved you are in life, the less you will dwell on this girl.

You will meet people that will like you for you. People who will respect you and that who you can respect. Learning that a healthy relationship has certain qualities that you certainly deserve to experience. If you feel so down in the dumps still, seek a counselor to talk things over with. If you are feeling down, go to your doctor. Maybe you are experiencing some depression.

There is so much out there worth living for but this girl is not one of them. You really do not need her to drag you down and keep you there. Life is too short to be that sad and worried and stressed.

Wishing you the very best and good luck.

SHYGRNEYZS nailed it. Our hormones RAGE when we are in love and they go NUCLEAR when we are in a break-up. And... when we are under 30, it's DOUBLE NUCLEAR. In other words, it takes time to realize this, but the more you date you'll see: when a woman breaks up she expects a man to follow. It's biological. When we resist, we are taking back the control you so wish for. THAT is the control you want. Unfortunately, you gave up a lot of control in your texts and calls. Only do that if she wants to be with you but wants the relationshop validated. I.e. "I don't want to date you b/c I think you are a player..." OR "I need some space because I am not sure you really want one girl..." And even then it's risky. A 20 something woman wants to know you have more going on than her. And you will if you go back to school. Then you will meet a person you really should be texting. Your ex GF is causing you pain, but she also did you a favor. She's forcing you to evaluate your life. And that is how we escape mediocrity and attract women that we SHOULD marry. Hope that helps. Her number is old news. Buy a calendar and mark off the days with 1-2 word adjectives for how you feel. 90 days MAX you will see your in a new mental place. You'll look back at the calendar and smile one day. Cheers...

well it has been almost 4 months. things at the end were good with occassional fighting, tyoical couple stuff. when she broke up with me she said i was always goign to be the man she loves. and that turned into a solid month of depression and heart break. we stayed in touch over thanksgiving and christmas. sinse then she said she had clarity about this after talkign to her mom and realised im the man she wnats and would fix this but needed space. well me being a dumbass called her every day asking how can we get back togther?? i will send her a text atleast once a day asking how she is or sayign sorry i pushed you away...she will respond ytou have not pushed me away. and then told me when shes not tlkign to me she's thinking of me and when she doesnt hear from me she wants to know what im doing but then will say i dotn want to be with you not right now. she says this will ake our love stronger?? how can you need space when she has some other in the picture clouding her up. she had been askign me to move out of my parents and into my own place and go back to school. shes 26 im 29. well sinc eour brakup i moved out went back to schooll. the guy shes seeing is 23 lives at home and is about 25 mins away. me and her live about 3 mins away. how is that better? i understand when you like someone you do whatever. but come on? anyway we had talked about marriage alot so i dont know how we went form good to bad? i have tried to get her back so many times and nothing works. and it so hard to give her space because i miss all the time how we were and i feel if i dotn call/text/email or hear from her, my would is fallign apart. most of the day i spend thinking about her, and i feel pathetic ovver it. anyway she says she will come back in time but needs space for us to heal and see what happens in the future. she said with all the things she has told me in text and email and fone has NEVER been a lie, but i need to give her space so she can make it work again? i tod her well the more time you spoend with someone new the more you might realize she may not wnat to coem back? i guess thats why i feel compelled to still stay in touch and tell her nice things? i live in MI ad have thought abotu movign back to FL where im from. i thought bmaybe something drastic will mke her change her mond...like holy he left me. i know right now she has 2 guys fighting for her mainly me becaus ei wnat to be back, but im wondering if i did move wpould she be miserable knowing her "doormat" is no longer around. the thing is i knw she knows she has the upper hand, how do i gte that power back. im alwas the one to innitiate contact. how do i make her wnat me again???
please help!!!!! :( :confused:
I wouldn't make the drastic move back to Florida, but you should stop all contact with her, it will be hard but, must be done. This is the only way to find out if she cares about you. When she stops hearing from you she will begin to wonder what you are up to, and if she loves you she will contact you in fear that you have moved on without her. Don't even let her see you, and don't go around anyone that can report back to her about your whereabouts. This will work. One way or the other, but you have to be strong and do it.

I know what you are going through. You really need to try for yourself though, you are the only person who can get you through this. Friends and family can help, but it has to be you that decides to move on, and try to take positive things from this situation. I know it doesn't seem that way now.

I keep myself as busy as possible, try to do that, it does help. Even if it helps you for a wee while, then it is worth it. I had to take my ex's no out of my phone. Do this if it helps. Hopefully you don't know the number off by heart. This will stop you getting tempted, it worked for me. The more days go by without contact the better you feel. Each time you contact an ex it is like torture, I know. I got so upset at the cold way he was being. You are better off staying clear, give her space. Although this seems not like the natural thing to so, it is the right thing to do. : )

What is it going to take for you to realise you must have no contact with her at all and be so unavailable that she can't find you, and to finish school for your future. Stop acting like a lovesick puppy and leave this liar alone. Better yet why are you even listening to the lies of a player who has you and others to file behind her like a harem. The power to have a good life is right there in front of you and from the advice given in this and the other three posts you have made, the solution to your problems have been spelled out and before you post another whining, crying, woe is me post, please get off your butt and do something positive for yourself.

You are allowing yourself to be played so to speak. On one hand she does need the time to figure it out and maybe she does want to marry you, but she seems to be looking elsewhere right now to make sure you are the one. And maybe she does plan on marrying you but she knows she can wait as long as she wants and you will just be sitting there waiting for her.

And I don't understand why money should play any other factor then providing for a family. It seems you use that as a ploy and a quality that describes you and as to why a woman like her would want you. Not saying that is all you have to offer but you brought that up in a question that really was only about why is she wishy washy and not exactly sure how you being in a little money would have an effect on her feelings.

I would say take it slow she doesn't know what she wants yet and maybe playing the field. You have made enough attempts and even while broken up you did something for her on v-day, not sure why. Let her make the next move. Go away for awhile and let her be and be busy and find something to fill up your time. THen her come back if that is exactly what I want.

I would go back to your original post titled:"heartbroken.STILL.would love a womans thought on this?"
might see some good advice there too..
this woman has you spinning so bad you forgot it all.
deep breath. Same rules apply:

as for now, I've put some things in rhyming form - to perhaps aid in the retention potential:

quick attempts at post-break up communication=detonation.

go away=it's the only way

love will last - lust will pass.

get that calendar right away.
let the days go.
and know that relief is on the way.

the answers are here.
can you believe it?
even if there is a lot to fear...

well some of you know my story. been broken up for 4 months now...dated for 2 years. she started seeing soem ohter guy all the while telling me she needs space and will come back when shes ready.......we have been talking here and there so i mention that she just dump him and go back out with me, and she tells me "well i can't just do it over night " she tells me to give her space no contact all the bull....the minute i do...shes texting me wonderign what im doing and everythign else. there was a guy in the picture a week after she dumped me but the whole time if i dont talk to her for 3 days she always finds a way to get ahold of me to wonder what im doing?? why?????? then she sends me this email the other day.....

To my beautiful (my name was here)

Happy 2 years and four months Kevin Michael,

I hate this pain in my throat and in my heart right now, I am sorry that I am that selfish that I call you like that, I miss you I miss your voice and god everything. I miss the feeling of security I miss the feeling I had one summerish morning when we ate fruit on my porch, when you were getting ready to drive away we stood by your white truck and I never wanted to let you go and I told you I loved you and felt it through my whole entire body, I have never felt that way before I doubt I ever will again.

I love our CD in fact I listened to Feels like Home on the way to work yesterday. I hated fighting with you last night Kevin I really did. I never liked going to bed angry or sad, and I never really did babe, so that was why I called back I wanted to fix whatever I could.

I know I confuse you and I could be more sorry for that, you wrote in here that if you don't here form me in a few weeks you will know your answer... well if you don't here from me in a few weeks please know that it is killing me, I know this doesn't make sense but it is like the time that I spend away from you makes me realize everything I am missing, I hate that I temporaily drifted and I hate that there is this road block up right now preventing me from being with you, and I hate even more that there is a fight between my head and my heart. Why is this so hard for me, why do I think about us and it brings me to tears, why can I not even look at you without want to cry and smile and just burst with every emotion imaginable. When Kelli and I went shopping on Monday we were listening to the radio and feels like home came on then about 10 min later we turn on a mixed CD and angel eyes is playing, everything takes me back to you, to us, but why does something in me fight it Kevin. What the hell am I fighting here?

More than anything, I hate how unfair I am being toward you, I hate that you were there last night If I would have know I would have come there. I want you to be happy whether you are with me or not I want you to be happy. I know that when we work again you will not throw this in my face and we will start fresh, I know that because we can be that strong. I LOVE YOU MORE THAN YOU COULD POSSIBLY KNOW THEN AND NOW. I will never forgive myself and I will live with this regret until one day my head and heart collide and (if I am lucky enough) you open your arms back to me. I am sorry. I want things to just be easy again, and just make sense.

I love you Baby always and forever, (her name was here)

She obviously is very confused and doesn't know what she really wants, if she even wants anything to begin with. I wouldn't get my hopes up about this one. She doesn't sound like very viable relationship material. I'd forget about her and move on. Otherwise you're only going to end up getting hurt even more than you've already been.

Sounds like she's setting herself up to not take responsibility for her actions... I'd get away, unless she can give you something concrete.

She sounds very like my ex boyfriend who broke up with me few months ago. She sounds very selfish. Probably she still has feelings for you, but she obviously doesn't care for you enough to consider your feelings.

She's in a confusing stage now and it's best to stay out of contact with her, otherwise you would only get a bunch of false hopes and eventually get hurt further.

Don't you just hate mind games? It is so obvious she is playing on your emotions now.

She wants you to just sit and be depressed while waiting for a word from her.. omg reading this I thought lady from one to another you are so full of crap.

This lady is a major DRAMA QUEEN, expecting you to just to just sit and rot for 3 weeks.

Mail her for the last time and just say guess what forget the 3 weeks it's over, go find some fool of a guy to buy this crap it won't be me.

Back off and give her "her space" Like an old saying goes... " if you love something let it go...it will come back to you if it was meant to be." ( hopefully it won't be just for your inheritance).

Excellent post Chuff maybe if I had a site like this and someone like you telling me this 4 years ago I wouldn't be hear now. This is almost the same thing I'm going through now but I'm 34. Reading this sound just like my ex and yes she played mind games with me because she new I would be waiting for her every time. And came back when ever she felt readt to come back to her door mat (ME). And for anyone with similier problems read this then read my original question Is my Ex fiancé coming back again because yes we were engaged, he didn't have to waste 5 years of his life, a lot of money and misery she put me threw. Because that chick sounds just like my ex.

It's one thing where both sides tried their best and it didn't work out. It's another where one side decides for both that there needs to be a break. After reading all these posts, it has empowered and given me the strength to move on.

If the ex wants to get back together, then it should be on our terms, not their's. We are not beholden to them. They left the relationship, not us. This gives them no right to make us their punching bag.

Be strong, LoveJones. You have the power to do whatever you want. We all do. Live life and be happy

. After reading all these posts, it has empowered and given me the strength to move on.


I hear you on that.

Excellent post Chuff maybe if I had a site like this and someone like you telling me this 4 years ago I wouldn't be hear now. This is almost the same thing I'm going thru now but I'm 34. Reading this sound just like my ex and yes she played mind games with me because she new I would be waiting for her every time. And came back when ever she felt readt to come back to her door mat (ME). And for anyone with similier problems read this then read my original question Is my Ex fiance coming back again because yes we were engaged, he didn't have to waste 5 years of his life, alot of money and misery she put me threw. Because that chick sounds just like my ex.


Thanks you for your kind words. If you don't mind me saying 34 is still plenty young and many people never learn. I certainly repeated the same things with different women over the years and it wasn't until I actually stopped and thought about it that every time I did something it got the same reaction no matter which ex it was. If you can learn something from you 5 years then it will have meaning and in the end you'll be a step above her.

The reality is she's going to always be like that, but if you can use that 5 years as a learning tool so that it doesn't happen again you will be in a better position in the sense you grew from the relationship and the breakup. She's never going to grow but her actions although hurtful in the short term could be a huge step in the long term. You will have moved forward and she will have stayed the same.

Wow I only got half way through that paragraph and you seriously need to let her go for a bit you are hanging on way too tight and that is what is driving her away from you and driving you insane to be without her give her the space she needs and if she loves you she will come back but you need to work on if she does come back not being so attatched to her.

Dude, screw this.

Space--? Give her space? Yeaaaah.. I think someone said "go play frisbee"?!

Duhhh OK. Yeah go play frisbee while she's off with guy number 1. And then, when SHE is ready... yeah, then, let her back. That'll make you feel better!

Leave. And leave quickly.

Last October of 2006 my girlfriend broke up with me. Telling me we needed a break for a bit after 2 years of dating. Then a week later she is with some other guy. I found out and she said she didn't plan for it to happen it just did, which I thought was bull. She was 27 he was 22, I was 30 at the time... needless to say she broke my heart bigtime! This girl always talked about me and her spending the rest of our lives together and so on...
Needless to say even though she was seeing someone I tried so hard to fight for her and nothing worked. She always told me how I was so right for her and she would be devistated if we ever weren't together. (we were having some problems towards the end) but never saw the break up coming. I mean isn't a relationship about ups and downs?

So we were broken up for just over a year and I was depressed for a solid 7 months over her, trying to all her and make things right and she would maybe call me occasionally? And of course I always asked to make things work again and she would say not right now. Oddly enough she would make comments like "im going to come back to you, just need some time and when i do we'll spend the the rest of our lives together..house, kids etc"?? I thought to myself... if you know I'm the one for you, what the hell are you waiting for? AND I KNOW THIS Doesn't MATTER... but her friends and other people we both knew would say this new guy was a complete jackass and doesn't see why she was with him and her and I were perfect, nobody liked him was the unanimous response, but whatever. So I pined over her for much longer then I should...

Now to current: back in jan 2008 I was in FL visiting my brother... she kept calling me and I didn't answer. She had went in to the bar that I manage and asked if I was workign then took off once she knew I wasn't there. So when I got back home she was calling and for what ever reason started hanging out? Its been about 4 weeks now. The foist time she had asked me to do something on a Sunday after noon was back in jan and I assumed we would go for lunch and talk, but then her best friend and boyfriend met up with us so I was like, we just started talking and we're already doing couples stuff? So... weeks have gone by and she said she wants to take things really slow? We've kissed and messed around (notyhing too serious) I've tried gettign her to spend the night and 3 times now she will have agreed to doing so then backing out? I've already gotten, I don't feel good, to I'm on my period, to I have to work early in the morning so lets try it again another day. My problem with that is... we've already been together ina relationship for 2 years prior to this...
So we were at a party this past sat night and she was going to spend the night and said she wasn't feeling good after drinking all night and having a blast says she wants to just go home... I was pissed! She was like I will tomorrow night for sure (sunday night) so we go to the st pattys parade and she was like I want to eat and go home to bed.. so I said oh I thought you were spending the night she's like OK fine I will. So we go eat and she's acting all drunk.so we come back here to my place and laid down then after an hour then I try kissing her passionatly and I could tell she was restraining a bit, then I said this would be a perfect time to make love, she says, this would be a perfect time not to be on my period. So she went from not feeling good after dinner to on her period... again! And how can I prove she's not either you know? Then she tried explaining to me how she liikes everything right now the way it is, and wants us to go slow ahhh!! (earlier in the night though I said to her I'm so glad were good friend... being sarcastic, and she said oh, he're more then friends and I said oh yea what are we... NO RESPONSE!! Me! )

My fiends and family are all like what the hell are you doing? This girl broke your heart and your just letting her come right back in to your life? And I know what they are saying and I'm havign a tough time tructing her and just lettign things happen. She's been bringing me around her friends and family, who literally love me and accept me like I'm one of there own. My question is... WOULD SHE BEING DOING THIS AGAIN WITH ME, JUST TO BE AN IN BETWEEN PERSON (TRANSITIONAL PERSON) OR SHOUKLD I LET MY GUARD DOWN AND GIVE THIS A SHOT? BECAUSE TO ME I Shouldn't HAVE TO DO ANYTHIGN AND SHE SHOULD BE LUCKY IM ALLOWIGN THIS TO HAPPEN. THINGS JUST FEEL DIFFERENT AND I Want US TO BE HOW IT WAS, AND HOW CAN I BE SURE IT Won't HAPPEN AGAIN
ALSO HOW CAN I MAKE SURE IM THE ONE CALLING THE SHOTS AND NOT HER, and her trust back??
DESPERATELY SEEKING SOME ADVICE??

I don't have a clue as to what her motivation, or agenda is, but you clearly think things will go back to the way it was, and that's not happening, so back off, and stop being so available to her, and stop with the pursuit of sex period. It has you blind to things you need to see. Put some balance back into your life, with other things you enjoy. After being dumped why are you so anxious to get back what you think you lost, and still let her control the flow of things. Get your nose out of her butt, and smell the coffee.

What happened to the 22 year old? Is he still around?

I'm wondering if she just wants the comfort of the relationship without really wanting it.

Until you understand the break... what lead to it, what lead to the other guy... until that's resolved, you aren't together.

You are playing the role of a butler now. She knows you want her, she knows you are at her service and she gets to make the rules. Even if she isn't being mean... its still not a healthy balance for you.

At the very least, id make her explain why the break happened and why she thinks this relationship is better now than before.

Honestly, I think she might not be trying to play you, but she might be not "all in"... meaning she misses the comfort of the relationship more than she wants it.

You do understand you can write down when she's on her period and determine whether she's full of it and just using this as an excuse... that said, a person shouldn't feel forced into doing anything they don't want... and right now it seems like sex isn't in her mind.

Interpret that as you wish. Maybe she's trying to take it slow. Maybe she's still working things out. Maybe she's not that interested in sex. I can't get in her head.

And you can't get in her pants if she's not interested.

Seems to me there's more than one conflict here that need to be resolved before you even think about the bedroom.

You can never really "trust" your heart, you can only go with the feeling of your hearth, or you can deny your feelings for your judgement.
Or you can review both and make a choice.
But when you go with your heart, there is never any for sure.

OK... so I recently just got back together with my ex-girlfriend.
After 2 years of dating, she dumped about 2 weeks after our 2 year anniversary, kind of messed up. We were arguing a lot but just thought it was typical relationship stuff. After our breakup I discovered there was a new guy in the picture a week later! This was a year ago I was 29 she was 26 this other guy was 22. So...
I was a miserable wreck for almost 8 months over this in EVERY way possible. We worked her and I worked out at the same gym, so I would see her every so often. We still spoke here and there, I always tried to rekindle our relationship at any chance I got to speak to her and she would say she wanted to come back but didn't want to hurt the new guy... (not how she hurted me) which I thought was a load of , but anyway...

So as of January 2008 she strted callign me out of the blue and I had to wonder? Of course I still have feelings for her, but never got over how bad she hurt me. I would say we are kind of datig at this point since jan 15th, but I don't know things just feel different. She's the one who left me and messed up our relationship, yet I'm the one who feels like who's do everyghting to make things right. I made her work for things for like 2 weeks then started just trying to be around her (I hate playing games!) you either want to be with someone or you don't... period. In these past 2 months, I have pushed the sex issue which I think should have came from her. However after 2 weeks of being in full contact of each other again, she came over after work one day and we had a late lunch then styarted kissing really heavy then she wanted me to finger her and rub her breasts... so like an idiot I went with it, rather then saying its not right... but in a lot of ways, I missed the GREAT sexual chemistry I had with her. We were getting into it pretty good and I started to take her pants off and she stopped me saying its movign to fast!. I was shocked! And confused?? Since then... she has come over several times... but has given me the excuse "she doesnt feel well"... "she has to leave soon because she has top get up early" or I will suggest sex then saying "i have been havign a period for 2 months straight" didn't seem to be the case when she asked me to pleasure her. So... two times now she has promised she will spend the night then backs out that night with one of the reasons I just gave in quotes.
I'm getting frustrated, because I'm wondering what she is thinking?? She use to love spending as much time with me in our relationship before the breakup, no I just get excuses. And when you know how you know someone I just feel like when she's with me... shes not really with me (like her mind is on other things) she did state she liked being back around me again and that she wants to take things slow... OK which is fine but what about what I want, and how did I lose control?? I assumed since she's the one who messed up she'd be willign to go along with what I wanted. As far as I can see she's not doing a good job of "realizing" she's sorry she left me

What do I do about this complicated and frustrating situation?
L J

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search.php?searchid=2565674

Just because she is back, doesn't mean its back to the same old thing. Something has changed here, and you haven't caught on yet. Given your history, you have never gotten over her, and expect things are the same. Not realistic. I think she is back because things didn't work out and you are available and eager so why not. Sorry guy, I don't see this working out, unless you both get on the same page, and are going in the same direction. I really don't see that happening, and think you should have given this a lot more thought.

So.ive been back with my ex for about 6 weeks. Not too sure what our status is since she doesn't like to talk about what we are doing. We dated for 2 years and broke up for a year... that was her doing not mine.

We've been doing things a couple would do except for the sex. She has mentioned she wants to take things slow and likes "hanging out" again with me. I mean she gives me the phone calls to let me know what she's doing so on and so on...

So we were out last night... I started rubbign her back she said it was making her hot (temp wise) and to stop... so a while later I was just casually rubbign her leg as we we having a drink at the bar. We were with other couples. She kept shaking her leg... as if to say STOP! But I kept it up until she verbally said something then she never did. She has said a few times she would spend the night then never does, so she stayed the night last night mostkly I think because we were both drunk and my friend was crashing too. Me and her were in the kitchen and I went in to give her a kiss and she kind of shyed away, I got pretty defensive about it. I tiold her I can tell she is not serious about us and we should stop this from gouign further she apologized and said she wants to make things right and then we talked in bed for a few, but I was still upset.

When we broke up she left me for soemone else... obviously it didn't work out... im trying my hardest to make things right again also. I still have a lot of feelings for her or I wouldn't even be considering this. How can I get control of this relationship for the second time. The guy she left me for was much younger then her and she bossed hiom around and I think she got use to that. Me and her hardly ever fought and always had a mutual respect for each other and laughed constantly. Now it just seems I'm waiting for this to fall apart again. Don't want to get in this for nothing. I have tried talking to her asbout this and don't get why she wants top gio so slow? Its not like we have to figure out each other?
I want this to work out, I honestly do, but she has given me every excuse why she can't spend the night or have sex... supposedly a 2 month period because of her birth control... her having to get up early.. then promising another time to stay over only to bail out on me again? What am I doing wrong? After all she's the one who pursued gettign back with me. She knows how I have feelings for her, and as far as I'm concerned she should be lucky I gave her the second chance... please help!!

It is so hard for us humans to just be honest and fess up to stuff. So Love Jones why don't you just come right out and ask her what the issue is with having sex with you. Obviously she wants to hang with you and obviously she has no interest in being intimate with you. It could be as simple as as (I'm not implying anything, just making a point) bad breath or as complicated as she's anti sex but until you actually ASK HER you're not going to know. You can get 100 responses from us in "etherland" and you can speculate for the rest of your life OR you can just ASK HER. If you guys are that close she ought to be able to tell you and if you say I'm ready to hear the real truth... she may fess up but from what you've said sounds to me like it's totally an issue with sex.

Also sounds to me like you pressure a lot for it and from a woman's point of view you're not making points by doing that. She kept moving her leg and you refused to stop rubbing it... she has told you her ground rules include moving slow... but you just aren't willing to abide by her wishes because your needs aren't getting met. All those excuses she gives you are because you keep pressuring her. Why don't you just say, let's talk about the problem because I don't want to continue to see you on that basis if we aren't going to have a physical relationship. Handle it like a grown up but stop accepting her terms then pushing the envelope because that just makes you a pain.
Just my female opinion.

Read Shygrneyzs post again. Ditto. I couldn't agree more with his advice to you.

Fukin women needing space like they are astronauts... lol

She does not want to have sex right away. Is that all you want from her? Because you gave her a second chance, does that mean she should be willing to have sex with you right away? Does getting control of the situation mean getting in her panties again? Getting back together again after a year apart does not mean jumping back into bed, she has already told you that. Were you not going to go along with this from the beginning?
Give her some room or leave her alone.

Its too easy to expect to jump right back in where you left off, but you can't do that. You guys were broke up for a year. You have both grown and changed. You need to treat this like a new relationship. If you actually care about her, you won't be so eager to just jump right back in bed with her. She is being very smart to just take it slow. Don't push the issue. Go at her pace. Honestly, if you don't want to push her away, I would stop talking about sex all together. Let it progress naturally. She isn't a trophy for you to bag. Try showing her the upmost respect and respecting her wishes. Let her make the first moves. Being affectionate is fine, but really pay attention to what she's comfortable with and what she isn't right now. If you love her, you should be HAPPY to wait as long as it takes for her to get comfortable with you again.


I have tried talking to her asbout this and don't get why she wants top gio so slow? Its not like we have to figure out each other?

Yes you do have to figure each other out. This isn't the same old relationship this is a brand new one. Treat her like she is a new woman. You two have spent a lot of time apart. You need to be patient and take the time to relearn each other.

If I were her, I'd have left to and I wouldn't have come back a second time. Because personally, I hate it when a guy is being touchy and feely and refusing to stop when I know he's catching my subtler signs to stop, I hate being pressured to have sex or spend the night when its just not what I was planning, and I hate it when anyone keeps asking me what my reasoning is for anything. That's me personally, but I don't think it's crazy to think there might be another woman like me out there.

And, you said that you guys had mutual respect. But then something about wanting to be in control again. That doesn't sound like mutual respect to me. That sounds like a guy who wants to control the woman. Maybe you need to think about that.

Bottom line, if she says wait, you wait. You're not some little horny high schooler still learning to keep it in his pants. Pressuring her, and yes, it sounds like you are, is incredibly disrespectful.

After all the good advice and suggestions you've gotten you still are unsure what you should do with this female??

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search.php?searchid=2580870

I hate to pose the possibility, but it also could be she caught an STD from the last boyfriend. This would explain her sexual reluctance.

Ok, so My girlfriend and I dated for 2 years, we broke up for about a year and just strated talking again... its been about 3 months. We have been doing the typical dating stuff, going out, to dinners, shopping etc. She dumped me to go out with some other guy, that obviously didn't work out. She came back to me telling me how she messed up and wants to make things right
However, when it comes to the intimacey part Im at a loss for words. We have ONLY kissed and every time I mention sex... she either can't stay over, tells me she's on her period, or her stomach hurts. This girl use to starv for attention and want sex from me ALL the time the first time we dated. I TOTALLY feel rejected by her emotionally and physically. If I start rubbing her back or her arm gemtly she will either say that hurts or it tickles, but I think she does it so ill stop?? So confused! She said when we first started talking again she wanted to take things slow, which for about a month I could kind of understand, but after 3 months I don't know. I feel if we go any slower, we'll be going in reverse! Im 30 she is 27... we should be enjoyign a healthy sex life and everythign else involved. Even if we kiss, its just a kiss, not a total make out session like any normal couple would do.
Her friend came in one night where I worked and asked how things are going, I said great except that we haven't had sex yet... she even agreed that seemed odd, and feels she has changed someone. I feel I was being baited by her, But she is her best friend but at the same time is very straight forward. She had talke dto my girlffriend the next day to kind "help" to get the ball rolling. So of course... the very next day she came over in the morning gave me a nice make out session type kiss (no sex) but was being very sweet and endearing to me... unlike usually.
I guess Im curious if her relationship with the guy she left me for changed her.. and why her lack of desire for sex? We use to have sex all the time, just seems weird now? She broke my heart when she left me and now I'm starting to develop insecurities of her still see the guy she was with? Not sure if she likes the comfort of me and possibly sex elsewhere... or if she genuinely wants to go slow? But how long is this going to keep going? Im at my whits end and not sure how to move forward if she won't let it?
Please help!!

Can't you tell she is stringing you along, and the only reason she even talks to you, is because it didn't work out with the other dude. She doesn't have a clue as what she should be doing, but your easy so she keeps you around until somebody interesting comes around, and then she will leave again. She'll be back if THAT doesn't work though. Wake up, and kick her to the curb.

I will agree with the stringing along, but also note many ladies 3 months is not even a time to mention sex, a lot of ladies don't do sex unless they are enganged and/or married. And to be honest if she is one of those type of ladies, your constant pushing for sex will only end up with breaking up also

Fr_Chuck may be on to something.. maybe she's feeling guilty about having sex and is afraid to tell you.. my suggestion is TALK! Communcation is number the 1 most important thing to a relationship... also, maybe she has an STD? Not to be rude or assume, but it could be why she's putting it on hold