I know who the father of my child is, he was there when my son was born. He didn't sign the birth certificate. He left when my child was 3 months old. I got married to a sgt in the Army and moved to where my husband is located. I told my son's father a month before we left that he could take me to court and petition for visitation rights and sign the birth certificate. I told him exactly when and where we were re-locating to. He's done nothing for 9 months and all of a sudden he made a call to my husbands first sgt. What are my options as to keeping him away from my child, mine and my husbands life? If I take him to court to obtain child support with no visitations, is that possible? He has a criminal record involving minors so I can prove he's an unfit parent. Also, when and if I do take him to court, will he have to be there? Especially since we live in the next state over approximately 6 hours away?

When did he obtain this record that you speak of? Was it before or after (since) the birth of the child. What state is the home state for your husband and is it the same state as the one you left from?

He obtained this record when my son 4 months old. He's from CT, and yes I left from CT and now we are in upstate NY.

The bio father has the right to file for visits, and your error was not getting anything in writing that he did not care that you were moving out of state with "HIS" child also.

So you have the right to file for child support, he has the right to file for visits, child support and visits are not connected,

Even with criminal history and the such, he would be able to get at least supervised visits though a third party approved by the court.

Had he filed earlier he may have even had a chance to require you to move the children back to the home state. But the time now makes that chance small.

Unless his court record shows he may be a threat to this child, you may request parenting classes, limited visits till the child gets use to him, try to get supervised visits. But in the end, it will be up to the judge to decide what level of visits that father will get.

I figured if he wasn't on the birth certificate, out of choice, that he had no say in what I did with my child. He barely saw him anyway, and it was a nice gesture from me to even let him know that I was moving and give him the chance to do what he has to do to see our son. I would probably consider super vised visits, but he has no home of his own so nowhere for my child to sleep at his house. If that's not a big enough threat (his criminal record with risk of injury to minors) what if I said my son was sleeping in his room at his house that night? He had gotten arrested and I had to go and get my son from his house while he was getting bailed out of jail.

I figured if he wasn't on the birth certificate, out of choice, that he had no say in what I did with my child. He barely saw him anyways, and it was a nice gesture from me to even let him know that I was moving and give him the chance to do what he has to do to see our son. I would probably consider super vised visits, but he has no home of his own so nowhere for my child to sleep at his house. If that's not a big enough threat (his criminal record with risk of injury to minors) what if I said my son was sleeping in his room at his house that night? He had gotten arrested and I had to go and get my son from his house while he was getting bailed out of jail.

What is the home state involved ? What did he do to get such a charge against him?

He was charged with brandishing a facsimile firearm, and two counts each of second-degree breach of peace, second-degree threatening, and risk of injury or impairing the morals of a minor.

The home state is CT

He may have done something stupid but it doesn't look like something that would interrupt custody over it.

You will have to file any actions against him in CT courts. If your seeking to change or start any orders.

If I don't feel safe with my son in his care, which I have every right to be, there is nothing I could do? So your saying unless he commits a murder he will have visitations regardless?

... Also, when and if I do take him to court, will he have to be there? ...

That will be up to him. If he chooses to contest your petition, it might be more effective for him to attend the hearing, but it is possible to do it from long distance.


... You will have to file any actions against him in CT courts. ...

I believe it would be NY. If I am reading OP's posts correctly, they have been there for 9 months, and there is no previous adjudication. That would be the child's home state under the UCCJEA (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uniform_Child_Custody_Jurisdiction_And_Enforcement _Act).

Yes after 6 months I think we automatically become a ny resident. And is there such thing as doing the hearing over the phone? I have a friend who told me that, I know it was years back and she's not sure if they still do that.

That will be up to him. If he chooses to contest your petition, it might be more effective for him to attend the hearing, but it is possible to do it from long distance.



I believe it would be NY. If I am reading OP's posts correctly, they have been there for 9 months, and there is no previous adjudication. That would be the child's home state under the UCCJEA (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uniform_Child_Custody_Jurisdiction_And_Enforcement _Act).

No, because he is military he has a home state. And according to what the OP has stated the home state is CT. That is the state that the OP would file in based on the home state rule.

Me, my husband, and my sons father are all from ct. Me and my son left feb 1st for ny. So we have been here for 9 months. Do they still do hearings over the phone?

Me, my husband, and my sons father are all from ct. Me and my son left feb 1st for ny. So we have been here for 9 months. Do they still do hearings over the phone?

Yes they do hearings over the phone. But the state your going to be filing in is Ct. So your going to have to call there.

Leaving him off the birth certificate does not remove his rights, it only makes him have to go to court to enforce them.

The criminal charge is not likely to prevent visitation but should limit it.

I didn't know that it doesn't remove his rights, but if he doesn't enforce them then that gives me the right to leave the state? Right? He could have signed the birth certificate but never did. Legally my son doesn't have a father and legally I'm his only legal guardian. So why do I need to answer to him if he refuses the rights to my son, but all of a sudden wants to get a hold of me? In my eyes, its too late and for a "stranger" to try to walk back into his life and claim "daddy" to my 18 month old son will just confuse him. My husband has been there since my son was 8 months. He's been supporting and providing for him. What can I do to keep him out of our lives, if that's even possible?

I didn't know that it doesn't remove his rights, but if he doesn't enforce them then that gives me the right to leave the state? Right? He could have signed the birth certificate but never did. Legally my son doesn't have a father and legally I'm his only legal guardian. So why do I need to answer to him if he refuses the rights to my son, but all of a sudden wants to get a hold of me? In my eyes, its too late and for a "stranger" to try to walk back into his life and claim "daddy" to my 18 month old son will just confuse him. My husband has been there since my son was 8 months. He's been supporting and providing for him. What can I do to keep him out of our lives, if that's even possible?

Right, since he didn't sign and he is not the legal father, then you had the right to move. You HAVE the right to not allow him visitation. But people can have a change of heart. And the courts will look at that if he decides to take it to the courts to enforce his rights.

It is not what's in your eyes that matters, it is what is in the eyes of the law that matters. And the law believes a father is entitled to his rights unless he can be proven a danger to the child.

Unless you can prove him a danger, he is likely to get some vsitation if he goes to court.

The only thing I can suggest is that your husband go for an adoption. The father may not agree to it, but if you try to get him for child support he may agree.

Please go to Jag! Even if they can't help you with this specifically they can show you where to go and they are FREE!

I've been calling jag but their appt line opens at 1 and closes when appts slots for the next day are all booked. The line is busy the whole time. Just trying to get some info for the time being so I'm not totally clueless.

Go sit in their office until they help you. Had to do that with Jag here to get some paper work done. Squeaky wheel gets the grease. Good luck!

No, because he is military he has a home state. And according to what the OP has stated the home state is CT. That is the state that the OP would file in based on the home state rule.


"(7) "Home State" means the State in which a child lived with a parent or a person acting as a parent for at least six consecutive months immediately before the commencement of a child-custody proceeding. In the case of a child less than six months of age, the term means the State in which the child lived from birth with any of the persons mentioned. A period of temporary absence of any of the mentioned persons is part of the period."

The place where the child lives is what matters, not the child's father.

I don't see any exception to this for servicemen.

New York is clearly the child's "Home State".

Just sat at jag, they can't help me because its not an "emergency". The "emergency" would be if he's trying to come on base. Which I have no clue what his next move is if he can find my husbands 1st sgts number. I guess ill have to keep calling. I just need to know what my next step as to trying to keep him away from my family will be. I'm going now to change my sons last name since I gave him that name at birth thinking he was going to sign the birth certificate. Do I need his consent?

Just sat at jag, they can't help me because its not an "emergency". ...

I'd have to agree. His calling the 1st Sergeant, without more, doesn't seem like an emergency.


...I'm going now to change my sons last name ... Do I need his consent?
...
Yes, You probably have to tell the court that you think he's the father, and then will need his consent.

I was always told if the child is over 1 year old then yes, you need the bio daddys consent.

I was always told if the child is over 1 year old then yes, you need the bio daddys consent.

I don't think you can do it (for a child) without his consent (or dispensing with consent) no matter what the age.

Then my hands are tied, basically?

Then my hands are tied, basically?

No, not at all.

You can sue him for child support and, at the same time, for an order giving you sole custody rights. He might, in response, ask for visitation.

You can try to get the child's name changed (http://www.lawny.org/index.php/family-self-help-140/name-change-child), although this wouldn't necessarily be a complete solution.

Or your husband can file a petition to adopt the child. If this is granted, the name change, including a change to the birth certificate, would be incidental. It would let the biological father off the hook, as far as child support is concerned, and at the same time remove any possibility that he could ask for visitation or other rights regarding the child.

You really need to hire an attorney, in either case.

"(7) "Home State" means the State in which a child lived with a parent or a person acting as a parent for at least six consecutive months immediately before the commencement of a child-custody proceeding. In the case of a child less than six months of age, the term means the State in which the child lived from birth with any of the persons mentioned. A period of temporary absence of any of the mentioned persons is part of the period."

The place where the child lives is what matters, not the child's father.

I don't see any exception to this for servicemen.

New York is clearly the child's "Home State".

As I understand it, since a person in the military can be assigned to a variety of locations, when they join, they are assigned a Home State. This is used for taxation and jurisdictional issues. So CT would, therefore, have jurisdiction.

Scott is exactly right.

Because military members may have "legal residence" in one state, but be stationed in a different state, the Servicemembers Civil Relief Act, allows military members to pay taxes, register vehicles, vote, etc., in their "state of legal residence," rather than the state they are stationed in. This can sometimes result in a tax advantage because several states exempt military pay from state taxes.


Ref:

Military Legal Residence and Home of Record (http://usmilitary.about.com/cs/militarylaw1/a/homeofrecord.htm)

I'm petitioning for Child support, Sole and physical custody and also a restraining order against my sons biological father who is not on the birth certificate and lives in a different state. The hearing will be here where I live and I was wondering if my son's father could be at the hearing while a restraining order is in place. I know for sure that he will show up, but I need to know if he's allowed.

He COULD appear in a telephone/video conference. At the time the restraining order is issued this would be addressed in NY. I don't know where you are.

If the restraining order keeps him from defending or representing himself the Court MIGHT (again, in NY) make Court appearances a specific exclusion.

EDIT: I now see that you are in NY. If the restraining order is a ploy to keep him from attending the Court appearance(s) and the Court realizes it you will not look good in the eyes of the Judge. This is something people attempt all the time - I'm not saying it's your intention but I do see it. So does the Court.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/family-law/biological-father-not-birth-certificate-603235-2.html

I am stationed at Fort Drum, NY, he resides in CT.

What is the restraining order for as this seems to be something new ?

My impression was that the restraining order may very well be a ploy to bar the father from Court OR make things more difficult for him. Subject came up very late in the game, following other advice. That's why I requested that the threads be combined.

I wasn't being unnecessarily harsh. Seemed to be going in that direction - "what if ..."

I talked to an attorney and he said I can get a restraining order against him to not contact my husbands 1st sgt and to keep him away from my property. Its not to make it harder for him because he can call in for the hearing I just don't trust that he won't ca again. My husband doesn't need to lose rank over this.

I talked to an attorney and he said i can get a restraining order against him to not contact my husbands 1st sgt and to keep him away from my property. Its not to make it harder for him because he can call in for the hearing i just dont trust that he wont ca again. My husband doesnt need to lose rank over this.

The lawyer lied. You can't get a restraining order because he called your husbands sargent. Your husband would be the one to get one if there is grounds for it. Is this same lawyer the one that told you to file for custody there too with the restraining order ?

What did the lawyer lie about? I'm getting a restraining order in place for my husband and I so he can't contact my lawyer and he can't come near us when we go back to visit our family in CT through the holidays. He's definitely a threat to me and my husbands marriage and he's threatened my husband many times with his life. The lawyer at JAG told me to file for sole and physical custody, child support and a restraining order.

I meant so he can't contact my husbands SGT*** (not lawyer)

What did the lawyer lie about? I'm getting a restraining order in place for my husband and I so he can't contact my lawyer and he can't come near us when we go back to visit our family in CT through the holidays. He's definitely a threat to me and my husbands marriage and he's threatened my husband many times with his life. The lawyer at JAG told me to file for sole and physical custody, child support and a restraining order.

You can file for yourself and you can file for your child. But your husband is a separate entity and you can not file on his behalf. He is the only one that can do that. Also for your custody issues you should be filing in your home state which you have said is Ct. If you file outside of there it can be rejected. Also anything filed in NY with the home state being Ct will only be temporary until a court in Ct can hear it.

What did the lawyer lie about? I'm getting a restraining order in place for my husband and I so he can't contact my lawyer and he can't come near us when we go back to visit our family in CT through the holidays. He's definitely a threat to me and my husbands marriage and he's threatened my husband many times with his life. The lawyer at JAG told me to file for sole and physical custody, child support and a restraining order.


You cannot get an order keeping your "ex" from contacting your Attorney. Your husband cannot get an order keeping your "ex" from contacting your husband's Attorney. That Attorney can file a charge of harassment - but I see no grounds for a restraining order. You are not a party to the "ex" and Attorney communication.

He's a threat to your marriage? That doesn't qualify, either. He's a threat to your person? He's a threat to your husband's person? Then file - but "Califdad" brings up a good point. You have to file in the State that has jurisdiction.

To sum it up - you cannot get a restraining order on someone else's behalf. Your husband needs/wants an order? He has to get it. You can't. Who advised you to the contrary?

He has a right to defend his self in court action and can not be barred from being in court where a case involves him.

If there is a real proven danger ( don't see anything even close to even warrant a restraining order) he may have restrictions on him in court.

Also you can file for one, maybe even get a temp order but your ex has a right to a hearing on the restraining order where you will have to prove the need for one.

@judykaytee- when I said "my husbands attorney" I meant SGT. I know I can't get a restraining order against him for somebody else?

And the attorny told me to file here in ny, I can do it in ct but its much easier doing it here so I don't have to drive back and forth to ct with my son. How could they reject it if I'm filing for sole and physical custody and child support within the state that I live in?

What I mentioned to my attorney about his abusive background he said I can file for a restraining order and my question was if I had the restraining order against him does it ban him from going to the court hearing, physically. Im just getting information so I know what to expect and any question that pops into my head that I didn't ask JAG I'm asking on here. I understand that I can't get a restraining order against him for my husband. Im having my husband file. I feel like I'm just getting the wrong information, this site tells me one thing and JAG told me another.

@judykaytee- when i said "my husbands attorney" i meant SGT. I know i can't get a restraining order against him for somebody else?

And the attorny told me to file here in ny, i can do it in ct but its much easier doing it here so i dont have to drive back and forth to ct with my son. How could they reject it if im filing for sole and physical custody and child support within the state that i live in?

What i mentioned to my attorney about his abusive background he said i can file for a restraining order and my question was if i had the restraining order against him does it ban him from going to the court hearing, physically. Im just getting information so i know what to expect and any question that pops into my head that i didnt ask JAG im asking on here. I understand that i can't get a restraining order against him for my husband. Im having my husband file. I feel like im just getting the wrong information, this site tells me one thing and JAG told me another.



Call the jag tomorrow and ask him what State is your legal residence?

If he says NY then file away. If he says CT then just know that all your doing now is just a temporary ploy to get the child away from his father.

You will still be stuck with filing in CT if that is the State designated as your legal residence.