My daughter just turned 14 last week and found out she is 4 weeks pregnant, I don't no what to do

Talk to her about it: she if she wants to abort, keep, or send off the baby. Dicuss with her. And makes sure she never forgets that you love her.

"Abortion" is a rather strong term to use - at 4 weeks, there is litle more than a cluster of cells. My opinion, is that she should terminate the pregnancy immediately - the sooner the better; the longer she waits, the harder it will become.

Most doctors are understanding, but make sure that she gets the care she needs - if she decides to end the pregnancy, don't stand for any delays - make sure they give her the earliest appointment possible.

Be very gentle with her, but insist that she talks to her doctor and a counsellor. Do it straight away - today if possible. 14 is far too young to have children.

She may very well want to go through with the pregnancy, but she has to be made aware of how it is going to affect her life - her boyfriend will not be around a year from now, and she may never get another one - teenage boys don't date girls who have children.

Give her all the support you can, she must be on an emotional rollercoaster right now, so try to be there for her.

"Abortion" is a rather strong term to use - at 4 weeks, there is litle more than a cluster of cells.

Wow, darkclaw has the definitive answer for a question that scientists and theologians have struggled with for years... whether that little cluster of cells is a life.

You need to have a talk with her and discuss where you are on the whole "is it a life" question. No other decision can be made until you work through that. My personal belief (note, my "belief"... I'm not going to present it as fact) is that life begins at conception.

I do agree that 14 is way too young to raise a child, and I've had plenty of opportunities to see it having been involved in the foster care system. But there are many loving couples in this nation who disparately want and can care for a child.

I believe that terminating the pregnancy would be trying to fix one mistake by making another. Yes, if she carries to term, there will be embarrassment, physical pain, emotional issues to work through, etc. But abortion is not the walk in the park a lot of people would lead you to believe either. Women who abort are often left with the same guilt, emotional trauma, etc. for their entire lives.

She's only four weeks... there is time to think this through. This is far too important a decision to "do it quickly" as the other poster suggested. Talk to her, and talk to women who have been in the same situation. Surely there is a counseling center there that could put you in touch with those women. Talk to them and see how terminating affected their lives, and talk to those who carried to term and see how they're doing as well.

Your daughter made a bad, impulsive decision that started this chain of events. Don't make another bad, impulsive decision to try and fix it... take some time to let it sink in, do some soul-searching, do some research, and make an informed, carefully reasoned decision.

Your daughter made a bad, impulsive decision that started this chain of events. Don't make another bad, impulsive decision to try and fix it... take some time to let it sink in, do some soul-searching, do some research, and make an informed, carefully reasoned decision.

I agree with the above statement. However, I also agree with Darkclaw to a certain extent I don't believe that life begins at conception, but that is my personal belief and I don't think I should impose it on anyone else just as those who believe that life does begin at conception shouldn't impose their beliefs on anyone else.

Your daughter is faced with three choices (note I said your daughter, not you). To carry the child to birth and raise it, to carry to birth and give it up for adoption or to abort the pregnancy. She needs to consider these choices very carefully. She needs to understand how having a child will affect her life, even if she gives it up for adoption. She needs to understand the emotional impact of giving up a child for adoption as well as the emotional impact of an abortion. She also needs to understand the impact on the child of being raised by someone who is a child themelves.

She needs to talk to impartial counselors (or counselors on all sides) so she can weigh their advice and decide for herself.

My personal feeling is that she is too young to raise a child, and that carrying the child to birth would have a serious on her life. She is still only a child and having a child on her own will end her childhood prematurely.

[QUOTE=l99057j] But there are many loving couples in this nation who disparately want and can care for a child.

QUOTE]

You know... I probably have issues to work through of my own still... but that is the most offensive line about adoption that I can think of from the viewpoint of a birthparent.

I don't CARE who is loving, caring or desperate.

The woman (yes woman! If she's pregnant, she's gone past being a girl already) carrying the child is the one to determine what she can or can not live with for the rest of her life.

Choosing to parent is possible with enough support, love, and help. It also has lifetime reprecussions. She has to determine whether the pros of having her child outweigh the cons of losing her teenage years.

Choosing adoption ALSO has lifetime reprecussions. Ask any birthmother if she's still dealing with the issues years later and you'll get a resounding YES! Counseling is a must BEFORE adoption, and NOT with an adoption agency. Most agencies will tell you anything to get their hands on your baby---they're paid by the ADOPTING families, not the birth families, and guess who becomes their primary focus because of that?

Choosing to terminate ALSO has lifetime reprecussions. She needs to decide if she believes that that cluster of cells is a life or if it is a cluster of unwanted cells. But it needs to be what SHE believes, not what you as her mother believes.

Get her into counseling. She needs it to be able to determine what she wishes to do at this point, and frankly--you're not objective enough to help her determine what is right for HER.

While I could sit here and tell you what I would do. That would not help you in your situation. And we might have completely different beliefs, which is fine.

Either way, it is important that you educate your daughter on her choices that she has. Be supportive, listen to her fears, her needs, and her wants. While she is still a child, she has a very adult decision to make and any help she can receive will help her make the best decision for her.

Synnen, I'm not suggesting that the fact that there are hopeful parents out there should sway her decision, at least not at a basic level. Whether she chooses to abort, keep the child, or go for adoption is the basic choice and it resides with her. I'm only trying to reassure her that should she choose adoption, there are wonderful people out there who can help. I've seen a lot of situations where adoption was not considered carefully or so the young mother would keep the child and from there on out it was a bad situation.

You are correct that she has the decision to make. But she doesn't live in a vacuum. She lives in a world where there are other people, people who may or may not be able to play some part in her future. Simply pointing out their existence shouldn't be offensive.

l99057j, I'm not saying that you're using that to sway her.

I realize that I had a bit of a knee-jerk reaction there.

It is, however, somewhat of a sway just to phrase it that way. It makes it sound as though she would not be a good parent because she's not
1. Desperate for her child
2. "Loving" makes it sound like she doesn't love her child
3. "couples" is a word that is still being used as a gentle nudge to her that TWO parents is ALWAYS better than one.

She's probably terrified right now, and watching the life she'd imagined for herself running down the drain. It's insanely easy to influence someone who doesn't KNOW what they want in that situation... they WANT not to be in that situation, but that's not a valid option.

I think adoption is a wonderful option in situations like this... but ONLY if the woman involved is really aware of what she's giving up.

ScottGem I have to disagree with you (as a parent) you stated above that it is her daughters decision and not the mothers. I strongly disagree. She is a child, she is underage and she is still her parents responsibility. Notice that you can't vote at 14 or even drive by yourself yet, there is a reason for that, you're a child at 14. Mom needs to take the bull by the horns here and decide what is going to be done. Maybe if mom had done that from the get go, the 14 year old girl wouldn't be pregnant. Just my opinion.

While I agree with Kanicky that 14 is a child I am concerned about her approach to this problem.

Here is my concern. If the mother says... ADOPTION and does not give the daughter any say in what happens the daughter might run away, resent the mother, or worse. I think educating the daughter, keeping lines of communication open, and discussing the options with her first... then hearing her opinion on what she wants is very important. Not only for the daughter, but the unborn baby and the relationship between the mother and the pregnant daughter

I have to strongly disagree with you, Kanicky.

14 or not... Doing what is right by the parents' standards is not necessarily doing what's right for the 14 year old.

IF you want to have the daughter hate you for the rest of her life for making a life-changing decision for her, then by all means dictate what she is to do without consulting her on it.

It's HER life. It's HER choice.

Just pray to God for strength and help! The answer may not be in the form you are expecting it to be, but if you pray to God earnestly and with the right heart condition he will help you!

If you need a listening ear, e-mail me back maybe I can help! I will be keeping you and your daughter in my prayers!

Brittany:)

ScottGem I have to disagree with you (as a parent) you stated above that it is her daughters decision and not the mothers. I strongly disagree. She is a child, she is underage and she is still her parents responsibility. Notice that you can't vote at 14 or even drive by yourself yet, there is a reason for that, your a child at 14. Mom needs to take the bull by the horns here and decide what is going to be done. Maybe if mom had done that from the get go, the 14 year old girl wouldnt be pregnant. Just my opinion.

I also have to disagree. I'm also a parent and there comes a time where things occur that you cannot control. This is a life altering decision and to make it for a 14 year old is just plain wrong. I'm not saying the mother can't advise her, but this is the girl's life and it has to be her decision.

I also have to disagree with your remark about the mom's responsibilities. You can't lock a 14 year old in a tower as much as you might want to. Chastity Belts no longer exist. We have no idea how this child was raised, from the parent's concern, I suspect it was not a neglectful rearing. But I think it an overstep to try and make the mom feel guilty.

The woman (yes woman! If she's pregnant, she's gone past being a girl already) carrying the child is the one to determine what she can or can not live with for the rest of her life.
While I agree with you Synnen, this line got my attention.

Getting pregnant at 14 does not instantly turn a girl into a woman. She's a child dealing with an adult situation, but by no means, other than perhaps pure biology, can she be considered a woman at her age.

She has to make a very difficult, but very adult, decision.

my daughter just turned 14 last week and found out she is 4 weeks pregnant, i dont no what to do
Hi there, I work with children myself. I know your daughter is young but you should support her! She is going to need you a lot, if you don't support her (with whatever her decision maybe) it will make it harder for the both of you . There will be a lot of arguments which you will later regret. There is many teenage pregnancies which has became more recognised over the past few years, Your daughter needs to think about the effect a child will have in her life and carrer, and it needs to be her that makes the decision. Hope everything works out for her.

While I agree with you Synnen, this line got my attention.

Getting prego at 14 does not instantly turn a girl into a woman. She's a child dealing with an adult situation, but by no means, other than perhaps pure biology, can she be considered a woman at her age.

She has to make a very difficult, but very adult, decision.

I'm sorry... I didn't mean to make it sound like getting pregnant automatically qualifies one for adulthood.

I seem to be having a hard time getting all of my thoughts down here in a clear manner.

No... getting pregnant doesn't make one an adult. However... once one has had to deal with the reprecussions of being pregnant, one grows up a LOT. I matured incredibly fast through the course of my pregnancy, because I HAD to. Every decision I had to make during my pregnancy was that of an adult. Every choice I made, every thing I did, every hope I had -- I had to think of someone besides myself.

All I wanted to make clear was that the line between adult and child is not as clear cut as age. She was making an adult's decision to have sex, and now she must face the very adult results of that decision, and make one of the hardest decisions of her life. She deserves to be treated as an adult for that decision, not as a child.

All I wanted to make clear was that the line between adult and child is not as clear cut as age. She was making an adult's decision to have sex, and now she must face the very adult results of that decision, and make one of the hardest decisions of her life. She deserves to be treated as an adult for that decision, not as a child.

I understand the context now - and I agree. :)

I don't know about anyone else, but I am wondering how this happened.:eek: Just a thought.

I don't know about anyone else, but I am wondering how this happened.:eek: Just a thought.

Ummm duh! I would think that by now you know how such things happen. This being a family site, I can't really explain it. :D I can probably find some web sites to refer you to.

What to look at it very literally.:o

worthbeads

Perhaps you need to check out this site:

Getting pregnant: How babies are made (http://www.babycenter.com/refcap/preconception/gettingpregnant/7056.html)

It gives an overview of how babies are made :)

I think that you should talk to her and see what she wants to do. She may be 14, but in this situation she has they say so as to how to go about this. It would be wrong for you to contol the situation as parent's so often do. She may already know that she is a bit young for a child, but don't through her mistake in her face. Maybe she really liked the guy she did it with, so this resulted in pg. Too many times parent's want to yell at their kids for these things, instead of yelling (that woln't change the situation) just deal with it. BUT anyway, it's up to her to chose what to do. Personally I think abortion is wrong, she did the deed and she and her boyfriend will need to fess up to it. It's an easy way out to take ''the pill'' or etc. If she feels she can't care for this child properly then she should give it up for adoption. Some loving family will take care of it. However if your family and her grow's to love this new life, then keep it in the family. Babies are a joy to have. She will need to get a job and NOT make you or her father etc pay for every last thing. That would be wrong. In this case it is NOT your job to 100% care for this baby. It is your daughter's. I wish you luck and hope that some of my advice is useful.

I agree with all of you that suggest that the mother should sit down and talk to her daughter. I guess I should have explained myself better. In situations like this, the communication chain was broken long before this happened. If it had been in place before and there was good communication and understanding between mom and daughter wouldn't you think that the daughter might have come to mom and talked about her options because she was being sexually active. Then they could have discussed ways to protect herself. I know I am trying to put the cart before the horse here now because what's done is done. But I think mom needs to sit down and let her know very clearly that these are the options, let the daugther pick one. I do however think keeping the baby and raising it should not be one of those options.

worthbeads

Perhaps you need to check out this site:

Getting pregnant: How babies are made (http://www.babycenter.com/refcap/preconception/gettingpregnant/7056.html)

It gives an overview of how babies are made :)

Yeah, I get it already, it was a joke! :mad:

In my opinion I don't support people that get abortions. Actually, I don't support people that get pregnant when they're young and unmarried. Its not right. Its gods child and it deserves to live and he also says not to get pregnant while you're unmarried but obviously she's way to young to have kids. Something might happen to her. I'm not saying get an abortion but is there any other way out for a 14 year old? She might not agree and want to have the child but I think this might be something you should tell her to do. Something might happen to her if she goes on with this and you don't want that.

Hope I could help!

I have to say, this is a subject that tugs at my heart for many many reasons. However, it yanks on my brain even harder. This is just my humble opinion so please refrain from getting angry or getting your panties/boxers in a bunch. I think that she's 14, a child, and I never let my children make life altering decisions. She got knocked up because she made a foolish, immature decision. Yes, this will be with her for the rest of her life no matter what she does. I don't think you ask her "well, sweetie, what would you like to do?" I think you present the facts, the morals that you grew up with and that you raised your kids with.

If you feel as a parent that abortion is wrong and that's what you taught her, than more than likely she will know that's not an option.

If you taught her that trying to raise a child while still being a child is not in the best interest of the baby, than more than likely she will place that child in the home of two loving parents more than willing to adopt.

Will any of these decisions scar her, yep! Will any of these make it easier for her to live with, absolutely. That's why talking to your kids is KEY before you get into this situation. Whatever morals you feel need to be taught to your children, you teach them, and hopefully they stick. Unfortunately they can and will go out and make bad choices, veering from those morals, but as a consequence, many return to the morals to try and fix what they broke.

Again, my opinion, but I think that even if a young 14 year old girl goes through the pregnancy with embarrassment and all, and even the more difficult time of giving that baby up, she will one day know that she did what was in the best interest of that child, and that, I feel is the ultimate love. That would come with lots of love, patience, forgiveness and compassion from the parents.

I was 15 years old when one of my best friends got knocked up. She told her parents she was pregnant and wanted to give the baby up for adoption, she was told she couldn't do that because her family would be disgraced. She offererd to move away with her grandmother, where no one knew her, but they didn't budge. They also told her that after the abortion, she would be sent to some sort of convent and they would not allow her back because what was done, was done. They told her she was permanently dirty and disinherited. She ran away and lived with her grandmother until the baby was born, and did put the baby up for adoption. To this day, she says that although there is the pain of the memory, she feels an even greater sense of joy knowing that her baby is alive, loved and taken care of somewhere.

My advice is to pray to the good Lord for guidance in the decision of what to do since He is the one that gave her this gift.

Good Luck!

14 is way too young... buy her a chastity belt or some sort of birth control... or you could just lock her in the closet and throw away the key

Oh my... I feel for you! This is extremely tough. First, tell her no matter what you will HELP her, and BE THERE for her! As someone who has been through an abortion, I will tell you honestly that it was a terrible experience for me (Just make sure you decide on the surgical route and that they put her WAY under!). Make sure to do what is the safest, most comfortable, and not the cheapest! HOWEVER, when I look at my decision, I KNOW it was right FOR ME. The guilt I would feel for bringing this child into this world under these circumstances is far worse than the guilt I feel today. She will struggle no matter what, and she will feel guilt no matter what. Please do not MAKE her decide. Just know that in all honesty she's looking at you for the way out. She's young enough that if you say, "I think you should get an abortion", that she can put blame on you. Are you OK with that? Perhaps that will be the biggest thing you could ever do for her as her mother. Make your own decision as to what YOU feel is best, and then be COMPLETELY honest with her. Know that if she has it, most likely it will be more yours... Stay strong!

Ok first of all No one should ever resort to ABORTION.. That is not the answer if you are having sex you have to also consier the consiquences.I was 15 when I got pregnant and thought about abortion but I also had to think about just because I was careless it's not fair to my unborn child.I am now 17 and my daughter is 8 months old.And I swear on the bible I wouldn't change anything that happened.I love her and she is my world.Every child is a gift from god now why would you even consider abortion you could always give he baby up for adoption.Please consider other options and E-mail me if your daughter needs someone to talk to.I know what she's going through.

I got when I was 14 1/2 the worst thing they could do is to talk about abort. Please lisign 2 what she wants 2 do, and be their for her and most impo. Talk to the baby's dad.

If I was her dad id find the guy and break him in half... girls her age shouldn't be getting pregnant or even be having sex... I believe in sex after marriage... cause with girls a lot of guys try to use that I love you line just to get them in bed and its as wrong as can be, just be there for her and love her, that's all you can do, I wouldn't know what to do either if I was her dad, id just be so pissed off and want revenge in everyway possible

Very good welldone

I'm 14 years old and I'm 8 1/2 months pregnant although I'm older then your daughter and ill be 15 on the 24th.. I think that you should talk to her.. it was very hard for me when my mom found out I was pregnant she kept pressuring me to abort.. I hated it I felt that even though I was young I had to make my own decision about it.. I'm sure its hard for you too... the lst thing you want for your daughter is this but its not the worst thing that could happen. Just make sure you go over with her how hard it is.. the morning sickness the swelling, the backaches and the stress of being sooo young. It is very hard for me and now I relize even after my mom told me. Having a child is a big responsibility. I think you should just remind her that you love her and let her make her own decision. And remember its not the worst thing that could happen..

I don't know about anyone else, but I am wondering how this happened.:eek: Just a thought.
You seem to wonder about this every time. If you need some info I will find a link for you [teasing {semi]] -- ZSavage

I think that you need to sit down with your daughter and discuss the pros and cons of all scenarios. Adoption, abortion, keeping baby. Once she sees it written out like that I think the best answer will come to her. I am sure she is a smart girl who just made a stupid mistake. We have all been there at some point. Personally, I think at 14, she is far too young to care for a child. She can not hold a job, drive to the doctor, or rent an apartment. You will be the one caring for the child while she is in school, and since she can not hold a job or get an apartment, you will also be feeing, clothing, and housing the baby. That is not necessarily fair to you. She needs to consider that in her list. I also believe at 14 she is too young to carry a child. The baby could cause health issues in such a young body. Now, believe it or not I am Pro-choice, although I would never personally have an abortion, but I understand situations come up. I think that if she did manage to carry the child to full term, it could be born with a serious defect, and/or harm the girl. That isn't to say that abortion is the easy answer either, it could also pose health risks to the girl. If the baby was carried to term and born healthy, then you must face the emotional hardship that you daughter will undergo with adoption. I think you are stuck between a rock and a hard place here. You and her need to sit down together and really weigh all the situations. I wish your family the best of luck and I hope that I was able to help. I am really unsure what I would do in your situation, but I know for sure that I would listen and love my daughter, and support her in whatever decision SHE made. Because ultimately it is her life and her child at stake here. I also agree with some other posters that some sort of therapy or counselor would be beneficial. I am keeping you all in my prayers.

I 100% agree with you.

It's a big deal, she shouldn't even be sleeping with guys right now

I'm 27 I had a termination at 16 and it was my choice not my farthers but for 2 years I'm trying to conceive but just found out I'm 4 weeks pregnant what I'm trying to say it she has all her life to have a child but also can you live with regret esspecially if you make the chioce for her and in a few years time she throws this at you are you stroung enough to make the rite choice

Where were you when she was out getting pregnant, it seems to me that you need to be more aware of your child's whereabouts, your lucky a pregnancy is all she got

where were you when she was out getting pregnant, it seems to me that you need to be more aware of your childs whereabouts, your lucky a pregnancy is all she got
How can a parent be with a child 24/7? -- Savage

alkalineangel, your absolutely correct that from a "legal" stand point mom can not force her to do anything. That is what's wrong with this entire thing! You can better believe if it were me in this mothers position, I would not be thinking about what the law says, and I would telling my daughter the way its going to be! If my daughter was smart enough and did her homework on the whole legal aspect of it and told me to buzz off, then so be it. But if she was smart enough to do that, maybe she should have prevented an unwanted pregnancy!

Kanicky: I wish you a pregnant 14 year old daughter so that you can eat your words.

I was a pregnant teenager who was a straight A student, and who was using 3 forms of birth control.

If you were my mom, I'd tell you to go to hell, and make DAMN sure you didn't have access to your grandchild.

That is whats wrong with this entire thing! You can better believe if it were me in this mothers position, I would not be thinking about what the law says, and I would telling my daughter the way its going to be!

And you would be alienating your daughter and tearing apart your family. There comes a point where you can't "TELL" kids what to do. You can only advise them and hope for the best.

my daughter just turned 14 last week and found out she is 4 weeks pregnant, i dont no what to do
I'm 15 and I'm 2mouths pregnant and I told my mom and she got mad at me and kicked me out of the house
I'm just saying don't kick your daughter out of house that is not going to setle any thing now I live with my dad now...

cc11

Kanicky - what is "telling" your daughter "what to do" going to do actually? Do you think her life will be better because of it... or are you thinking about YOUR life? If a young girl is forced into a life changing situation that most adults can hrdly handle (adoption, abortion) how do you think she is going to feel towards the person who forced her to do it. It is irrational to think you can make her do what you want like a little marrionette. She is already in a difficult, adult, scary situation as it is, and you will only make matters worse, not fix them, by forcing her to do anything. Is it really worth losing your daughter? Because that is what will happen. She will resent you for the rest of her life, and will be emotionally scarred. She has a right to a decision here, and there is nothing you can do about it. You may not like her decision, but at least it is hers. She will be forever changed by this situation, why would you want to make it any more life changing than it already is.

A baby is always good. The circumstances may not be but, still they are so cute. It's you grandchild and part of your family.

Well, then if we can no longer "tell" our kids what to do, then why bother with anything else. Why should we tell them to stay in school, why should we tell them to strive to get good grades, why should we tell them not to do drugs? Get my point? Or does this only apply to if someone gets pregnant? I think not. That is the problem with our society now a days. Parents are not educating their children from the start, showing them at an early age the risks of unprotected sex. Im not saying that all kids are going to listen but at least if you took the time and said your peace and gave your son or daughter all the resources and all the information they needed to make good choices, if they then made a bad one you know that you have done what you could. We are giving too much power to the children in this world and we as parents are losing it. Remember how most of us were brought up? I am willing to bet that most of us were spanked a time or two. Try and do that to your kids now and you'll have protective services at your door. Its time we as parents take a stand and say, no! It isn't right for my 14 year old to be having a baby! Its my opinion, nothing more. But you can bet that my two children can come and talk to me about anything and I have educated them on the risks of such behavior.

Kanicky: I wish you a pregnant 14 year old daughter so that you can eat your words.

I was a pregnant teenager who was a straight A student, and who was using 3 forms of birth control.

If you were my mom, I'd tell you to go to hell, and make DAMN sure you didn't have access to your grandchild.


But Synnen why were you having sex at age 14? You don't see anything wrong with that? So are you going to allow your 14 year old to have sex or are you going to educate him/her and do your absolute best as their parent to show them ALL the risks? I know we can not stop them, if they are going to do it, they will do it. I was terrified to even think about sex at age 14 because my mother, who was a single mom at that, told me of all the risks involved and what could happen even if I used birth control. Like I said it doesn't work on every kid but if you make a difference in just one, that's a big difference! You made is sound as though if my daughter didn't listen to me then I was going to turn my back on her. That is not what I said.

We can't "tell" them what to do, but we can ADVISE them what to do. We can explain why the advice we give will lead to their having better lives.

I hope you can see the difference between giving orders and helping kids make the best decisions.

Sometimes "giving orders" is needed. If I had the choice to order that my child not smoke meth or advise her not to. I'm sure you can guess which way I would go on that.

The way I see it you can do this two ways.

Kanicky73's way. Where you tell the daughter how it is going to be. Not giving her a chance to decide what is right for her body, for her future. Taking all control out of your daughter's hand. Which then could lead to resentment or even a breakup of your relationship with your daughter. Which could than lead to her trying to raise this child on her own and cutting you out completely.

Or you could support her. Guide her in her choices. Allow her to make an educated decision. Talk openly with your daughter about the changes that are going to occur. She is a child in a very grownup situation. She could use your guidance right now.

By being harsh, by placing blame, that is not going to change anything. Support, love and nurture, but also educate your daughter. She will be a better mother because of you...

Sometimes "giving orders" is needed. If i had the choice to order that my child not smoke meth or advise her not to. I'm sure you can guess which way I would go on that.


Unfortunately kanicky ordering your child not to do something does not mean that they won't do it. You can order your child not to smoke meth until you are blue in the face, but are you going to be there throughout their entire life making decisions for them? If not, then guess what, they may decide to defy your "order" and still do it.

There's a BIG difference between advising them how NOT to get pregnant, and how to make good choices, and TELLING your daughter how she will handle HER pregancy.

I wasn't having sex at 14... I did manage to wait until 16, and then it was with a guy I'd dated for 2 years, and who I thought (at the time) that I would marry. I was 16, not stupid. I researched birth control, I used three frickin' forms of birth control! I talked to my doctor AND my mom about it (my mom, by the way, reacted like most moms--"You're not going on birth control! You're going to get pregnant! Don't have sex, don't have sex, don't have sex, you're too young" instead of sitting down and calmly talking to me about it.) I found out later that I got pregnant against a hell of a lot of odds--I'd had a one in something like 100,000 chance of getting pregnant.

It was also my second time having sex.

So... my mom telling me what I could and couldn't do with my pregnancy only made me hide all of my decisions from my mom. Didn't change my mind in any way, just made me alienate my mother.

Should parents be able to punish their kids? Absolutely. Should they be able to tell them to stay in school, stay off drugs, etc, Of course!

Should they be able to tell their child what to do with her pregnancy? Sure! Should they be able to ENFORCE that? Absolutely not. My mother would have had me raising my daughter at 17, which would have done nothing but make me hate my mother AND my daughter. Even at 17, I knew that.

Unfortunately kanicky ordering your child not to do something does not mean that they won't do it. You can order your child not to smoke meth until you are blue in the face, but are you going to be there throughout their entire life making decisions for them? If not, then guess what, they may decide to defy your "order" and still do it.


You are correct, but if you read what I have posted I have already said that. I never said just because I order my child not to do something means they won't do it.

I think I am being misunderstood on where I stand on this. So I will explain my answer again. Also Synnen you never answered my question, but went around it very nicely so I will ask again. Do you think it was OK for you to be having sex at 16? And would you allow your 16 year old to be having sex? So back to my answer, if my daughter at age 14 came to me and told me she was pregnant, there are so many things to consider. School, clothes, day care, formula, diapers. I do not think that any 14 year old at the maturity level they are at can even comprehend what it takes to raise a child. Us as the parents know a little about it. I am not saying that I would force my 14 year old to have an abortion, because my opinion is that is wrong. What I would do is tell her that adoption is a better choice. Lets be honest here in cases like this its not the 14 year old who ends up actually taking care of this child, costs and all. I have seen my own sister lose her entire teenage years because she had a baby at 16. You can't go back and do it over, so why not give yourself a fighting chance. No 14, 15 or 16 year old needs to be raising a baby, bottom line. This time is the building block of their future.

I don't think it's RIGHT to be having sex at 13-14-15-16, but let's be realistic: it happens. Would I want my daughter doing it? Well, she's 15, and I sincerely hope she's not having sex. However, I don't have any more influence on her than giving birth. I placed her for adoption after birth.

Frankly, while most of the time I'm at peace with choosing adoption, it was and is HELL to deal with. And I walked into it, eyes open! To force someone to choose adoption... well, you may as well sign their death certificate, since most of the birthmothers I know (and granted, my viewpoint is somewhat skewed, as I seem to meet only the ones who need help) have attempted suicide at some point. Last year, we mourned the loss of a friend who couldn't live without her child after the adoptive parents closed the adoption.

So... would I separate my daughter from her child? Not on your life. Would I be disappointed? Yes. But I'd NEVER make her choices for her.

In the play The Fantasticks, there is a song title Just Say No. one of the choruses goes like this:

Why did the kids put beans in their ears
No one can hear with beans in their ears
After awhile the reason appears
They did it cause we said No!

The song details how two fathers manipulated their son and daughter to want to be with each other by staging a feud and building a wall between their houses.

The point of all this is that ordering kids not to do something is a sure fire way to get them to do it. Yes there are times when we must order our kids around. I remember a time when my daughter was 17 and she wanted to go to a meeting of one of our clubs in a blizzard. I had gone to the store before it started snowing and come back with more than an inch on the ground and building. On my way back I was sideswiped by another car. I had to take the car keys from my dtr to prevent her from going. As it turned out the meeting was cancelled.

But such times are few and far between. You can't order a teenager not to have sex. If they become pregnant you can't order them about what to do about it. You have to let them grow up.

my daughter just turned 14 last week and found out she is 4 weeks pregnant, i dont no what to do
What ever you do don't yell at her that's like the worse but I think you should talk to her tell her no matter what happiends ull always be there for her

Everyone here seems to be talking about the life of the pregnant girl and how one choice or another will affect her. Yes, we must look out for our children, but, how about the life of that baby? I don't believe abortion is the answer. Everyone has to raise their children a certain way, their way. They will teach them what they believe to be right and wrong, i.e stealing is wrong, respect is right... so forth. Okay. But, who has the right to deny that unborn child of a loving home with a mom and dad, a roof over their heads and all other needs that have to be met? Not all of us grew up fortunate enough to have both parents around or in a financially stable home, but I'm sure things would have been easier if they had.

Synnen, as difficult as it was for you to give your child up for adoption, it was one of the most noble and unselfish things you could have ever done for her. She will never truly know the sacrifice you made, so that she could have, what you were probably unable to give her. I believe you were raised to be a giving and loving person who thought more about other's than yourself. Your act was completely and totally selfless.

With so many married couples out there wishing they had a baby of their own to love and care for, why not suggest that to our children? If we raise them the way Synnen's parents raised her, they will see the bigger picture.

my daughter just turned 14 last week and found out she is 4 weeks pregnant, i dont no what to do
I know this situation is tough, but its manageable. Abortion may not always be the best answer. As later in life, she may regret it, and start blaming you for the abortion. I think that a good mother and daughter talk would be best. If she agrees to abort, then my next plan would be preventative measures to make sure this doesn't happen again.

I am sorry that you are going through such a tough time. I am neither for or against abortion and the truth is there is not easy way out of this one. All I do know is that you have to love your daughter no matter what.
You have several options to choose from depending upon your beliefs and your daughters beliefs:
Have the baby and keep it
Have the baby and find adoptive parents
Abort the Baby
Of course the decision has to made one way or another..
I cannot tell you if an age determines a good parent or not.. My sister had a baby at 16, and the girl is fine now. She was a very good mother, although she had to do a lot of learning and growing over the years. She also had a very supportive family in this situation..
I have another friiend who got pregnant at 15, her mother made he get an abortion. She is 34 now and doesn't have any children and can't seem to get pregnant, she is devastated about what she says her mom "made" her do. You are in a really tough situation! Good luck to you.

Talk to her see what she feels about the whole maybe becoming a mom. If she doesn't want to keep it thers always adoption. I for 1 don't believe in abortion so I wount comment on that subject. But see what she feels first

[QUOTE=l99057j]Wow, darkclaw has the definitive answer for a question that scientists and theologians have struggled with for years... whether that little cluster of cells is a life.

No. Just theologians. Biologists are not the arbiters of belief. Fertilized eggs are alive, sperm and eggs are alive; they come from cells that are alive. So "life begins" BEFORE conception. Life began, in fact, 3.9 billion years ago and has been in continuous existence ever since. This discussion is really about ensoulment, when an individual acquires a soul, which is a purely theological question. Science can't measure the arrival or departure of souls and has nothing to say about "when life begins" in the sense you are talking about. --Biologist/ sympathetic parent

I think parents and daughter have to decide together. They are still her legal guardians and will have to be involved in whatever happens. I would treat it as a family event and use it to draw everyone together. No matter what happens, everyone should be on the girl's side and help her. I don't think it's fair to assume the parents were bad parents. Or that the girl was "bad" either. Everybody makes mistakes of some kind. How many of us have been lucky at some point in our life when we did something foolish? I would skip the whole issue of blame. Use this as an opportunity to express love.

:confused: Well first of all,her boyfriend probably pushed her into it.That's how boys are these days.But it's not intirely his fault she should have said ''NO''.But she went with it.She should have known better.And they boy is pathetic for puching her into doing it.Well congrats grandma,hope it's a girl!

I agree with those that said you should talk to your daughter, BUT at the same time I think you should talk to the guy who wasn't safe to begin with as well. If your daughter doesn't keep the baby but keeps her relationship with this guy who's to say that she is not going to get pregnant again. And if she got pregnant the first time at the age of 14 she wasn't playing safe inform her of STD's that can come from this as well. Over all the choice is not yours and it is not your life that is going to be scared from it. I have had 2abortions and 1 birth and none of the two are easy to deal with. The most you can do as a mother is support your daughter cause the mistake already happened. And don't point any fingers, yell, or scream it will just scare her away and she won't open up and talk to you and it may lead to a bigger issue. Pray about it GOD always has an answer. Good Luck and GOD BLESS. Xox

Please let us all understand that the OP posted this in February, so the gal would be around 4 months along right now, and since the OP has not come back for an update, we can probably assume that they have made a decision as to how to handle this delicate situation.

Stand by her if you don't you will lose her

Well honey there isn't a thing you can do about it!!

Yes she may be young but you never know how she feels have you talked to her because when a girl is in a spot like this all she needs is her mom you need to tell her to think it through don't force her into making a decision that mabey she doesn't want to make I am srry if your thinking abortion I think if she doesn't want to keep it at least give itto a loving family don't kill it because it is still a child no matter how far along she is

My sister had a baby when she was 15 and my mom and dad helped her now a days having children young is popular... u need to show her what its going to be like to be 14 and have a baby that means no giving in if she wants to go out she needs to find her own babysitter and pay with her own $ don't let he go on welfare she needs to learn thing the hard way she needs to learn responasability or else she might just come home when she's 16 with another baby.. statistics state that girls whom have a baby before they turn 18 will most likely have another before they are 20... u need to show her you love her but also let her know she needs to be responsible for her actions and stay in school no matter what

Any mother who loves their child would be terribly conflicted with this situation. The idea that any decision could be made without considering all the options is hasty and dangerous. That being said, she is a child! Children at fourteen are not equipped to be mothers themselves. Most likely if she does adopt, she will regret it later. Also, if she has it now, her mother will be raising the baby. Either way, the people that adopt the baby would be happy, that's true. This isn't about what we personally believe, this is about this child's well being and future. That is what is most important right now. The baby is not viable yet, so people relax on that issue. That doesn't take away from the fact that it is a life inside of her. Yet, the father who also helped make this life isn't stuck with the burden of doing it to himself. IT isn't his body, the baby isn't in him and he isn't the one that has to decide. So, for men it is not the same. NOt saying it isn't hard for him, realistically speaking it is a fact. Life is about choices, we were given free will to make those choices. So I suggest thinking about them all and finding out how she feels. YOu will have to make the decision with her. She can't do it alone. She needs your guidance and understanding, regardless of what you decide.

my daughter just turned 14 last week and found out she is 4 weeks pregnant, i dont no what to do
Don't yell sit and talk to her because if you do yell you will drive her away and dats not good when she's pregnant

Yes, 14 is very young to have a child. But I know girls who have gotten pregnant and even kept the child and to tell you the truth they are some of the best mothers that I know. It cannot be easy trying to figure out what to do. But I have to say that this is her decision. If she wants to keep it she should be able to keep it. If adoption is the road that is great too. I personall however would not let her choose abortion. She will have to live with that all of her life. And she very easily could have problems after that. Even worse than if she is to give up her baby. A lot of people who have abortions go through terrible emotional trauma later. She needs help though. She obviously came to you and wants some advice. Which you should give her. But let her make the choice. It is her baby and her body NO MATTER HOW YOUNG SHE IS. I am sorry that this happened. I will be praying for you and your family.

Sarah

Every girl I know who let the child go, ended up messed up. I hope she feels no pressure.

Congratulations.

My sister was just 15 when she had her first baby and my whole family went through some crazy stuff. I would like you to contact my sister if you would please because you should try to see it from your daughters perspective. The best place to find my sister in at myspace.com her name is Tiffany Mitchell and her user name is mamatiff tell her that I (victoria her sister) told you to contact her. She knows better then anyone else what it's like

I personally think that you need to show your daughter love. I don't understand why a 14 yr old would be having sex, but OK. I'd try to be understanding and loving. BUT it is her body. She should have the choice. She slept around and in my opinon should have the child or put it up for adotpion. Abortion is the EASY way out. Which I disagree with. But just be a loving parent. Who knows 10 years from now you may have a wonderful 10 year old grandson or daughter that you'd rahter die than give up.

We should all realize that this post was done in mid February and the Op has not been back. That means that the girl is almost 5 months pregnant and/or they made their "decision" and decided not to come back and tell us what the decision was.

Basically, whatever we have said, or say, to this mother she is not reading it and most likely will not respond. In all honesty, it is considered a dead thread.

True, but I've posted things that were a month old and checked up on it. It's a samll possibility that she is still reading. I hope it all works out though.

Sorry Rayne, she is not reading it. Her date of last activity here was February 5, 2007, so that means that she has not even signed on to the site since then.

That's fine, even if she's not, I thought id give my two cents.

Well first of all I'm 14 years old and I think I'm pregnant! And I would want my parents to understand and be reasonable... if they really love me then they'll be kind and help me through it! So just put yourself in her shoes and think about how you would feel and your reaction as a young teen!

My friend is going through the same thing, and she is keeping it, but just make sure she knows you care and will help her take care of it! IF SHE KEEPS IT!

I Personally Don't Think 14 Year Olds Should Be Having Sex... when Do They Have Time To Have Sex?? They Go To School Til 3:30 Or So... then They Should Be Coming Home To Do Homework Eat Dinner And Get Ready For School The Next Day... I Don't Understand Why Girls Are Having Sex At Such A Young Age... Babies Having Babies... I Mean Really Theirs Nothing You Can Do.. The Only Thing You Can Do Is Help Her Raise The Child... how Old Is The Guy She Was Sleeping With?

And if the left her, get him to pay child support, it wasn't only your daughter that is going to hgave the kid, the dad should be there or giving money to help pay for diapers, food, everything!

I think you should talk to her about the choices she has. Explain to her the pros and cons of keeping the child and having an abortion.

If you want your daughter to have the baby then put the baby up for open adoption. Or whatever its called when you give the baby to a family but you let the child see and spend time with her real mother.

Is this thread REALLY still going?

I Personally Dont Think 14 Year Olds Should Be Having Sex....when Do They Have Time To Have Sex??? They Go To School Til 3:30 Or So...then They Should Be Coming Home To Do Homework Eat Dinner And Get Ready For School The Next Day...i Dont Understand Why Girls Are Having Sex At Such A Young Age...

Now I understand your concern about having babies at such a young age. I agree with that part because I'm 15 and I don't believe it is very emotionally healthy to raise a child at such a young age in our era. Life would be a constant struggle and hardships would be ultimately crushing.

The thing is Young Teens don't and can't function like that. They thrive for affection and communication with the opposite sex. This is natural drive. The problem is identifying love. Read my post and you may understand. I personally don't need sex and to be honest I feel guilty thinking about having sex with the woman I love because I don't know how she feels about me yet, but I cannot even fathom the joy to have it with the girl I love especially if we do it safe.

I just thought I'd give my opinion on this.

This girl is now 6 months pregnant.

The mother has NEVER come back and posted again.

Have any of those posting lately even read through any of the other answers?

my daughter just turned 14 last week and found out she is 4 weeks pregnant, i dont no what to do
Hi it's a very difficult situation for you. But if your daughter does want to get rid of this child go ahead but if not don't pressure her cause she will grow up hateing you. I no she is only young but she will learn how hard it is.

I don't know if you are upset or mad or what but the best advice I can give you is make her know that you are there for her and you care. I know it is emotionally confusing but if you down her she will feel worst and you never know she may end up pregnant again. Love her and let her know that you are there and you two can work through it together. Im sure she is the pride and joy of your life. Let her know the responcibility of being a mom and help her learn to love and take care of her child like you have for her. Im sure it was just a mistake. A lot of yound people make mistakes I'm sure when you were young you made some too. Im 16 going on 17 and I got pregnant at 16 but I ended up having a miscairage.My mom was there for me and I know it helped me a lot

The girl referred to in the original post is now 7 months pregnant, and we've never seen the OP again.

Can we please close this thread? The newest posters are not reading what has already been posted anyway.

Do not get an abortion. It can cause more serious issues like depression for killing it. My chose would be either keep it for her to become more responcible and learn that she shouldn't do that until she's married. Or give it away into a loving family if she can't handle the baby.

my daughter just turned 14 last week and found out she is 4 weeks pregnant, i dont no what to do
Talk to her and let her know how you really feel. I never told my mum I was pregnant... my older brother told her with out me even knowing he knew. She needs to know what you are feeling and what you think she should do. She is most likely going to be scared... work with it through her. There is going to be lots of tears and emottions. I'm sure you know how it is to be prenant ;) She needs you right now

Stand with her and know that she has support

Ally