w103kln
Oct 7, 2011, 05:28 PM
Hello. I want to be in this same life but with different opportunities. I am so thankful for what I do have; that including a wonderful family, a wonderful boyfriend, and two amazing sons. My world changed two years ago when I met my boyfriend. I fell hard and a two months after we were dating we found out his ex was pregnant. We separated in order for him to do the "right" thing, that is try to make it work with the mother of his child. She cheated again, while she was pregnant. We ran into each other again and started talking again... When things heated up he asked, "do you really want this? I have another girl pregnant and my child will be in my life." I said that is why I love you because of the man you are and yes I want you, I want this. Then oops I got pregnant. I know it's like Jerry Springer but now over a year later I have a wonderful boyfriend and two beautiful boys.
This leads into echoes from my past. I want a better life for myself, and my family... My kids. Before I met my man, I was a crazy girl running free well running right into alcohol. I made many mistakes; including three DUI charges all of which were lowered to a lesser charge. I received them in 2005,2006, and 2009. I realize now I was living a damaging life but I am proud to say at least I did one thing right before the cloud of alcohol... I received my BA degree in professional writing. Now that I've been trying to get my life on track I have taken some courses towards my MBA in HRM; however have not completed it due to financial issues and a realization of the money I already owe in student loans. I figure I will finish my degree when there's promise to get use out of it.
I currently work in a factory. I separated myself from the bartending life in the realization that I didn't have the talent of separating myself from alcohol while working in an alcohol business. Makes sense right? Lol. Anyway I started working at this factory in hopes to move up while not being ran a background check or checking on the status of my license, which I won't get back until Jan. I figured if I got in and moved up since I already worked with the company I could avoid my past in my job hunt. Well I've been working there two years and although I've moved up the ladder on the floor, line lead, I can't seem to manage to get in administration or HR. It looks like a door that rarely opens for regular associates.
So I decided to start the hunt once again like I have in the past for an entry level position in HR or just any administration job. Or just any job I actually wouldn't despise. I want something better, not because a factory job isn't a respectable one. The people are great hard-working good-hearted people, but it's just not what I want for the rest of my life and it's not "financially" what I want for my family.
So I guess what I'm asking is how do I get past this, or is it what I diserve this because of the mistakes I've made? I can't change my mistakes I can only strive to be the person I want to be today. I want to feel beautiful inside and out. Working in a factory drains the physical beauties out of me and as far as the inside beauty it's draining with the constant judgements from myself and others as to who I was. The constant applying for jobs and the constant denials. Not only do I have zero experience but I also have a wrap sheet. Sometimes I feel a felon because even with the mistakes I have made I am no closer to getting a white color job than that of a felon. But maybe I should rephrase that I might as well be a killer because I know that there are many situations in this life and many people get felonies for things such as not paying child support and once these people try to get there life back on track they go through the same struggles that I am.
I just keep telling myself not to give up but slowly that voice is drowning. I look at my sons and think wow you are amazing... Will I be disappointing to you. I don't deserve such wonders like my children but I will always do everything I can to make sure they have everything they need. Whether it's factory work the rest of my life or not.
Well I am down today. Thank you for listening and please feel free to give advice.
Sincerely,
ME
This leads into echoes from my past. I want a better life for myself, and my family... My kids. Before I met my man, I was a crazy girl running free well running right into alcohol. I made many mistakes; including three DUI charges all of which were lowered to a lesser charge. I received them in 2005,2006, and 2009. I realize now I was living a damaging life but I am proud to say at least I did one thing right before the cloud of alcohol... I received my BA degree in professional writing. Now that I've been trying to get my life on track I have taken some courses towards my MBA in HRM; however have not completed it due to financial issues and a realization of the money I already owe in student loans. I figure I will finish my degree when there's promise to get use out of it.
I currently work in a factory. I separated myself from the bartending life in the realization that I didn't have the talent of separating myself from alcohol while working in an alcohol business. Makes sense right? Lol. Anyway I started working at this factory in hopes to move up while not being ran a background check or checking on the status of my license, which I won't get back until Jan. I figured if I got in and moved up since I already worked with the company I could avoid my past in my job hunt. Well I've been working there two years and although I've moved up the ladder on the floor, line lead, I can't seem to manage to get in administration or HR. It looks like a door that rarely opens for regular associates.
So I decided to start the hunt once again like I have in the past for an entry level position in HR or just any administration job. Or just any job I actually wouldn't despise. I want something better, not because a factory job isn't a respectable one. The people are great hard-working good-hearted people, but it's just not what I want for the rest of my life and it's not "financially" what I want for my family.
So I guess what I'm asking is how do I get past this, or is it what I diserve this because of the mistakes I've made? I can't change my mistakes I can only strive to be the person I want to be today. I want to feel beautiful inside and out. Working in a factory drains the physical beauties out of me and as far as the inside beauty it's draining with the constant judgements from myself and others as to who I was. The constant applying for jobs and the constant denials. Not only do I have zero experience but I also have a wrap sheet. Sometimes I feel a felon because even with the mistakes I have made I am no closer to getting a white color job than that of a felon. But maybe I should rephrase that I might as well be a killer because I know that there are many situations in this life and many people get felonies for things such as not paying child support and once these people try to get there life back on track they go through the same struggles that I am.
I just keep telling myself not to give up but slowly that voice is drowning. I look at my sons and think wow you are amazing... Will I be disappointing to you. I don't deserve such wonders like my children but I will always do everything I can to make sure they have everything they need. Whether it's factory work the rest of my life or not.
Well I am down today. Thank you for listening and please feel free to give advice.
Sincerely,
ME