Bootlicker
Oct 7, 2011, 12:18 PM
Well me and my girlfriend of 10 months, have had some really high points and really low points. We have always had an amazing friendship from the very start, and we both fell pretty hard, and fast. She was just out of a 8 month relationship with her ex boyfriend when I met her, so she pulled out of ours, a month and half in, because she felt it was too soon. We did the whole no talking routine for about a month before we were talking, and then hanging out again.
Things picked up rather fast again, and before we both knew it, we were back on the saddle again. Well about a month after that, she started to feel the pressures of the relationship and started to feel trapped.
My girlfriend has been abused in the past by previous boyfriends, and as a child, and she has always suffered from a poor self esteem. Being an Ex-Rape victim sexual acts, and intimacy has always been a problem for her, seeing as she has little, to no sexual desires. I loved her of course, and always told her that I wanted to wait until she was ready to take that step with me.
Well after the second break up, we hooked up again for a month, only to end up the same. My distrust of her feeling begin to build, because I always felt that she would leave me for any reason. She was never bitter, or mean in her break ups, and it was always more of the same, she would tell me she wanted to find herself, and be single for a while. She had her own place, and was a student, and she wanted to enjoy just being her. She said she was with one guy though out high school (4yrs), and soon after moving to my city and going to school, she dated another guy (her ex 8 months, 1 month before meeting me).
Well after around the fourth break up (we went back and forth), I told her that she could live her life, and be free. However, like always we got together after a week or so, and had a lunch, and then our chemistry lead us to falling back into a relationship. Well eventually she got around to confessing that she loved me, and told me she didn't want to do the break up routine anymore, and I was so happy because I had been waiting to hear that for so long, seeing as I loved her from the very beginning. But do to constant arguing, we ended up taking yet another break.
Though we have an amazing friendship, and bond, we are two extremely different people. She is a very out going person, and loves to make friends (mainly guy friends). I'm somewhat private, and I like to spend my free time with the one I love, her. Well when around her friends (the guys) I always felt like she didn't treat me as her boyfriend enough, and it almost felt like I was just another one of the guys. I confessed this to her, and to be fair she began to treat me a lot better in front of her friends.
Well things were going pretty good for a while, and we decided that we would move in together after around 7 months (we had a solid 3 months). We even talked about the future (maybe too much), and we were very happily in love. Well our contradicting lifestyles began to mesh, and me being the talkative one (I always brought up problems or feelings), I pushed for us to practice compromise. Example I was okay with her hanging with her guy friends, as long as I wasn't coming home to some dude laying on our couch that I had never met before.
She agreed, but after awhile she said started to feel smothered, and that she could no longer be herself. She said she has never wanted her guy friends in any other way but friendship, but now felt guilty for even talking to them, because of my insecurities on the issue. I agreed that maybe I was being a bit over bearing, and said for her to hang with her friends more (just not a lone at all times of the night). But she said that it wasn't just the friends, it was everything that she was having to change and do because of my request.
Ultimately the same reasons came back up. She said she didn't want the responsibilities of a relationship. She said she still loved me dearly, but wasn't in love with me on the level of giving up the freedom to be young and impulsive. She said she didn't want to deal with me being upset because she hung out with her friends all night after class, or worrying if she was saying or doing the right things. So I ended moving out, and now we are currently broken up.
We are both in our early twenties, I'm older by two n half years. She is my best friend, and she is very mature on some things. But on other things, she is almost childlike in her decision making (things like cooking, cleaning, and money spending). I love her very much, and I never wanted to loose her over friends, or anything else. I want her to be who she is, I just wanted her to be who was with me. It was hard because I literally was going to have to teach her how to do adult things, which I was willing because I loved her, but that just ended up making me an enemy.
We are still talking via text, and we both know if we hang again, we will just fall back into our relationship. I know I should just let her go, and she does seem a little more ready to end this for good this time. I love her so much though, what do I do with all the love I have for her. She said she doesn't feel the same about me, as she did before, and that living together was mistake. She said she wants us to really attempt friendship, and for us to not go back into being a couple. I don't want to loose her for good, but I don't want to become just another one of the guys.
What should I do? I know if we hung out right now, we would end up kissing, so that's not really the best ideal for her. She has told me to let her go this time, because we always come back to her feeling like she just wants to be single for a while. I'll respect her wishes of course, but at some point she is going to want to hang out too, then what?
I don't understand how she can love me so much, but want to be single and free. She has assured me she is not trying to date anyone, just be free of having to worry about being someone's girlfriend.
Neither of us are the types to be **** buddies, so I'm at a loss. She said she wants me in her life. She invited me to her niece (basically little sister because she raised the niece, and the little girl and I pretty close now too) birthday party. Should I go?
I feel like I want to be there for the niece, but seeing her right now as just a friend would be too hard to bare. I think we would probably end up hugging and kissing by the end of it anyway, and for me that would mean relationship, but for her that would mean I still love him, but that's were it ends.
Do I be her friend and wait until she grows up and wants a more serious relationship? Or do I give up on the idea and leave it alone all together. I don't realistically see myself cutting ties out right. She wouldn't let me anyway. Neither of us want that. I will admit she has something growing up to do, as do I, and she also needs to face her trauma past.
Things picked up rather fast again, and before we both knew it, we were back on the saddle again. Well about a month after that, she started to feel the pressures of the relationship and started to feel trapped.
My girlfriend has been abused in the past by previous boyfriends, and as a child, and she has always suffered from a poor self esteem. Being an Ex-Rape victim sexual acts, and intimacy has always been a problem for her, seeing as she has little, to no sexual desires. I loved her of course, and always told her that I wanted to wait until she was ready to take that step with me.
Well after the second break up, we hooked up again for a month, only to end up the same. My distrust of her feeling begin to build, because I always felt that she would leave me for any reason. She was never bitter, or mean in her break ups, and it was always more of the same, she would tell me she wanted to find herself, and be single for a while. She had her own place, and was a student, and she wanted to enjoy just being her. She said she was with one guy though out high school (4yrs), and soon after moving to my city and going to school, she dated another guy (her ex 8 months, 1 month before meeting me).
Well after around the fourth break up (we went back and forth), I told her that she could live her life, and be free. However, like always we got together after a week or so, and had a lunch, and then our chemistry lead us to falling back into a relationship. Well eventually she got around to confessing that she loved me, and told me she didn't want to do the break up routine anymore, and I was so happy because I had been waiting to hear that for so long, seeing as I loved her from the very beginning. But do to constant arguing, we ended up taking yet another break.
Though we have an amazing friendship, and bond, we are two extremely different people. She is a very out going person, and loves to make friends (mainly guy friends). I'm somewhat private, and I like to spend my free time with the one I love, her. Well when around her friends (the guys) I always felt like she didn't treat me as her boyfriend enough, and it almost felt like I was just another one of the guys. I confessed this to her, and to be fair she began to treat me a lot better in front of her friends.
Well things were going pretty good for a while, and we decided that we would move in together after around 7 months (we had a solid 3 months). We even talked about the future (maybe too much), and we were very happily in love. Well our contradicting lifestyles began to mesh, and me being the talkative one (I always brought up problems or feelings), I pushed for us to practice compromise. Example I was okay with her hanging with her guy friends, as long as I wasn't coming home to some dude laying on our couch that I had never met before.
She agreed, but after awhile she said started to feel smothered, and that she could no longer be herself. She said she has never wanted her guy friends in any other way but friendship, but now felt guilty for even talking to them, because of my insecurities on the issue. I agreed that maybe I was being a bit over bearing, and said for her to hang with her friends more (just not a lone at all times of the night). But she said that it wasn't just the friends, it was everything that she was having to change and do because of my request.
Ultimately the same reasons came back up. She said she didn't want the responsibilities of a relationship. She said she still loved me dearly, but wasn't in love with me on the level of giving up the freedom to be young and impulsive. She said she didn't want to deal with me being upset because she hung out with her friends all night after class, or worrying if she was saying or doing the right things. So I ended moving out, and now we are currently broken up.
We are both in our early twenties, I'm older by two n half years. She is my best friend, and she is very mature on some things. But on other things, she is almost childlike in her decision making (things like cooking, cleaning, and money spending). I love her very much, and I never wanted to loose her over friends, or anything else. I want her to be who she is, I just wanted her to be who was with me. It was hard because I literally was going to have to teach her how to do adult things, which I was willing because I loved her, but that just ended up making me an enemy.
We are still talking via text, and we both know if we hang again, we will just fall back into our relationship. I know I should just let her go, and she does seem a little more ready to end this for good this time. I love her so much though, what do I do with all the love I have for her. She said she doesn't feel the same about me, as she did before, and that living together was mistake. She said she wants us to really attempt friendship, and for us to not go back into being a couple. I don't want to loose her for good, but I don't want to become just another one of the guys.
What should I do? I know if we hung out right now, we would end up kissing, so that's not really the best ideal for her. She has told me to let her go this time, because we always come back to her feeling like she just wants to be single for a while. I'll respect her wishes of course, but at some point she is going to want to hang out too, then what?
I don't understand how she can love me so much, but want to be single and free. She has assured me she is not trying to date anyone, just be free of having to worry about being someone's girlfriend.
Neither of us are the types to be **** buddies, so I'm at a loss. She said she wants me in her life. She invited me to her niece (basically little sister because she raised the niece, and the little girl and I pretty close now too) birthday party. Should I go?
I feel like I want to be there for the niece, but seeing her right now as just a friend would be too hard to bare. I think we would probably end up hugging and kissing by the end of it anyway, and for me that would mean relationship, but for her that would mean I still love him, but that's were it ends.
Do I be her friend and wait until she grows up and wants a more serious relationship? Or do I give up on the idea and leave it alone all together. I don't realistically see myself cutting ties out right. She wouldn't let me anyway. Neither of us want that. I will admit she has something growing up to do, as do I, and she also needs to face her trauma past.