Hello... My name is Shelbie. My ex had called me Noda. I am 18 and now single as of 2 days ago. My ex had heart problems and died in his sleep in the hospital after heart surgery. A few days before we were fighting over stupid things. I wish I could take it all back. We had been dating for 3 years and we're best friends.

Now alone in high school I can't help but be angry. I'm not mad at him but at my friends. Nearly all of them call me heartless since I used to cry of simple things but I can't cry over my ex. I want to. I can't explain it but I really want to be able to fall apart and cry but I can't. The pain just builds in the pit of my stomach and I get so mad at myself for acting so selfish for attempting to smile. I haven't slept very well since he's been in the hospital and now I don't sleep at all. I try to eat but can't keep anything down longer than maybe an hour.

My parents don't know about it. I don't want to tell them. They didn't even know I was dating or even having sex with him. They just think I'm having an attitude problem and have grounded me from my car, TV, friends, and home computer. Because of this I won't be able to answer anything for two weeks...

All I want to know is why I can't cry. Is it even normal for a girl to lose someone they love so much and not even cry about?

You were dating and having sex for over 2 years (and you are now 18) without your parents' knowledge?

Grief is a difficult thing to explain because it takes many forms, everyone has a different time table, everyone has a different reaction. I have posted before that my husband was dead over 6 months before his death was "real" to me and I had a complete and total melt down.

There is no "normal" when it comes to grief.

I think you need to talk to an adult and I think you need to tell your parents.