Hello everybody, I am a 20 year old male in need of advice. As of right now in my life, I have no job, vehicle, or aspirations anymore. I started to live at home since I ran out of money for college. Living at home is the only choice I have at the moment, however there is a problem. My mother verbally abuses me, saying that I will never become successful, that she does not care about my feelings, and that if I do anything wrong to her, she will call the police and have me arrested. The emotional stress that my mother puts me through is too much to handle. I have tried talking to her about how I feel she is treating me, but all she says is that she is the parent, and she can tell me what she wants. I know, If I want to live by my own standards, I should move out. It is hard for me to find a job in the area that I live, and to make it worse, I get mocked about how I cannot find a job from my mother, who has been collecting disability for the past 8 years for a pain that she does not have anymore. I know that I should not compare myself to my mother, but it is very hard to take what she says in a constructive way. I need to motivate myself into finding a job, but it seems like every time I make progress for myself, I get put down by family. I am trying to accept responsibility for myself, by making it clear that I can be doing better, but when I am constantly nagged about how I am a failure, it is almost impossible to feel good about myself. My younger brother, who is two years younger than me, gets none of the criticisms that my mother gives me. When I was his age, I was preparing to go to college on my own without any family support, and I had a part time job. It seems as though all of her anger and emotions from her separation/divorce with my father is being placed on me. I don't know what to do. My stress level is through the roof, and I am starting to sleep less and less often, becoming more tired through the days. I really want to get a job and succeed, but it is very hard for me to do so. I lack the motivation to work for some reason, and I do not know why. Also, Since I came home from college, I have lost most of my friends, since there are none at home. I spend day after day in a finished basement where I sleep because there are only two bedrooms in the house, which my mother and brother occupy. I am all alone. For example, If I were to not go upstairs today, neither my mom or brother would talk to me. They both make me feel like I am a burden to their household. All I want to do is to get a job and get out, but I lack the motivation to do so.

I now have been named your foster mother. Now let's get to work figuring out some job hunting strategies and getting that job that will get you out on your own.

(P.S. You're a very good writer.)

It's good to know that at least I'm good at writing. Hehe. Wondergirl, any help would be greatly appreciated. I am not the person who will avoid a good opportunity, and anything you say will help me, since I get no advice from anybody in my family

What experience do you have? (I have two sons older than you. You can be the little brother. I hope you like cats. We have five.)

***ADDED***

Write down a list of your skills and abilities. Note jobs you have had, the titles, responsibilities, and dates worked.

Are you in or near a city or large town for job hunting?

When I was at school, I studied Computer Sciences. Not trying to boast, but I am a very smart person. I am very intelligent in the world of politics, and have basic knowledge on most things. Past job experiences have been working retail (video games, Delis), House painting/restoration, and a little knowledge of construction and installation of A/C ducts. And yes, Cats are pretty cool, depending on their attitude. My dad had two cats before he left for Hawaii about a month ago.

I'm a pretty smart person too, so you're in good company. ;)

What happened to the cats? Your dad moved to Hawaii? How do you feel about the divorce?

Do what I said earlier. Write down the job titles, places worked, responsibilities, dates worked. Let's put together a resume. I'll find the sample I worked out with someone else a while ago, and then post it.

Here's the sample --

Set up whatever headings are appropriate for you. Here is a basic style. Vary centering or not, bold and italicize job titles, bold the headings, leave a good amount of white space --


Name, etc.


Skills
> Offer professional-quality administrative assistant skills and excellent work ethic
> Am proficient, loyal, thorough
> Possess effective interpersonal and communication skills
> Quickly comprehend new methods and procedures
> Work well independently and interact effectively within team environments
> Possess very strong problem-solving skills
> Have basic computer knowledge


Work Experience
Title, Company, Location, Dates

E.g. --
Archivist, XYZ United, Plano, TX (02/06-06/09)
> Organized and filed photos
> Carefully separated photo batches
> Assigned locations for filing


Volunteer Experience
Volunteer position, Organization, Location, Dates
> Duties

E.g. --
Volunteer e-mailer, CatsPlus, Lima, Ohio (02/02-Present),
> Submitted grants to non-profit organizations for Haiti relief
> Kept charity organization in contact with supporters


Continuing Education
Xerox College, Lima, Ohio (2008-Present)

The cats are with the neighbors where my dad used to live. And yes, He moved to Hawaii with his girlfriend about a month ago because he 'couldn't bear being cold anymore'. The situation between my mother and father is a bit difficult to say the least. As of now, the are separated, and I understand why my dad left in the first place. He left my mother because she did to him what she is now doing to me. She told him what she wanted him to do, rather work together to solve a problem. My dad always told me he left because she wouldn't accept who he was, which I understand, because it is happening to the relationship between my mom and me. Do I feel like she is taking her anger out on me? Yes, sometimes, But I try not to think of it that way, because there is nothing that I can do to stop her from feeling the way she does. But anyway, I do have a resume, I just need to fix it up with my more recent jobs (Working with my dad's neighbor, who was a carpenter, Working at a Gamestop last holiday). I know what I need to put on a resume, because I have used one before. The main problem is finding a job that I will be comfortable at. I don't think working at a job that makes me miserable would be a good idea, since I already feel miserable as it is

Your dad had said he was moving to Hawaii "because he 'couldn't bear being cold anymore'." Seems like that comment has more than just a literal, physical meaning...

Yes, update your resume so you are ready to go.

Now, without revealing where you live, what are your job-hunting prospects like? What kind of environment are you in for businesses, population, transportation, etc. -- rural, small town, city?

Dude, you need to get away from your Mum! She is sucking the will to live from you. It also sounds like you have depresion, which is no wonder, given your environment.

Do you talk much to your Dad? Can you ask him to move in with him till you get on your feet? Would he pay for a ticket?

I live in a suburb of a major city on the East coast. I live about two hours away from the city, and the job opportunities where I live, are mostly food services, retail, landscaping, or physical labor jobs (Painting, Construction, etc.)

Concerning my dad, I do not know the real reason why he is leaving for Hawaii, but when I was living with him three months before he left, he continued to say that line that he doesn't want to be cold, where on the east coast winters could be brutal. I know it is more than this though. He is a hippie at heart, and wants to be free from any type of regulations or rules that prevent his well-being. Why so far away? His girlfriend, who he will marry when my parents finally get divorced, has family in Hawaii, and when my dad first went, he realized that he wanted to spend the rest of his life there. Other than that, I do not want to speculate on why my own father wants to do something. If he is happy while doing it, he has my support

Thanks for the background information. I'm from western NY and lived through ice storms off nearby Lake Ontario, so I know about winters there. Chicago's are pretty bad too some years.

Is there a library in your area?

How do you get around?

The town that I live in could be considered a small city, so it is very spread out. There is a library in our town, but it is a good 30-45 minute walk. I do not go out much due to all my friends being in college during the school year. I am lucky where I live though, because I am within walking distance of food stores/gas stations etc. (Unfortunately none of these places are hiring as of now. I already checked)

Are there any high schools or colleges around? A community college? You're a good typist/writer, so why not type or edit term papers for students? You could do 99% of that electronically and charge maybe $2 a page? Maybe set up a Paypal account for students to pay you and also talk with principals and deans so they know you are legit? There's always the phone too for contacting, asking questions, etc.

There is a High School in our town, But that type of thing would not work here. Most families in this town are very wealthy and would rather hire a legit tutor to do the same thing. I tried doing this once, but it did not work for this exact reason. And to the other poster, I am waiting on my dad to settle in to his new place in Hawaii before I go visit him. He called me today, and was in Wyoming. (He planned to travel the country before going to the islands). He has always said that I could go visit him, and I am planning to do just that this holiday when it gets cold :P Unfortunately, its even tougher to move to another state and find a place to live/work when I don't have a source of income in the first place. My goal, however, is to get enough money so I can move somewhere on the West Coast of the US, get a college education, and then move to Hawaii with my dad. The opportunities on an island are limited, so I need to get everything here.

It's expensive to live in Hawaii.

How close are you to graduating?

I completed about 16-24 credits worth of college class, so I still need a ways to go. I am more focused on getting a job so I can get some money and go back to the school I was at, or go to a community college to finish my generic classes. That way, when I return to the university, I will not have to spend as much money because all I would need would be the degree specific classes. I know that Hawaii is a very costly place, where prices of a gallon of milk could be up to $6 a gallon. I am not trying to rush to go see my dad, all I want is to be able to sustain myself so I can get out of the stressful conditions that my mother puts me in.

Gotcha! I understand.

Okay. We've talked about a lot of stuff so far. What are you thinking right now about job hunting, where to apply?

You've applied at the obvious places. Are there "unobvious" ones like the term paper editing/typing?

I honestly have no idea where to look. I do not want to make excuses for not working, but it is fairly difficult when I have no means of transportation to get to the workplace. I'm stuck in a situation that I have to choose to either walk 1 mile+ back and forth to a job location, or wait until a place nearby has an open spot. My mom will not help me with transportation of any means. She cut me off, although I am still living with her. However, at the same time, she still tells me how to lead my life, who to hang out with, and when to be home. I mean, how many 20 year old's do you know that have a curfew, and are told to empty their pockets when they do come home?

When you land a job, will she claim your paycheck (for rent, food, etc.)? Maybe it's time to set boundaries now?

Are there elderly neighbors and other townspeople who need basic lawn care, some home improvements such as painting, cleaning, dogs walked, etc. Check newspapers in Jobs?

I am not sure, but I can expect my mom to want at least 30% of each of my paychecks. I live in an apartment complex, so there are no lawns to mow, and the people that do have pets have to pay extra for having them, so I am sure they are self sufficient dog walkers lol. I check the wanted ads in the newspaper weekley, but most of the ads that I see are jobs that require 2+ years of specific experience that I do not have. Occasionally there are a few jobs that I qualify for, but when I try and make contact with the employer, the job is already taken. A family member of mine offered me a job to work with him on A/C installations, But I am endangering myself when I can barely stand on a ladder without the fear of falling off because I am so sleep deprived. I have been trying to work for him as much as I can, but it is intensive labor that requires a rested body. The last time I worked with him was last week, and I was so tired, I practically fell off the ladder.

Well, you are going to sleep well tonight, right? Things are looking up.

Does your mom work or use her car a lot?

(I'm watching X Factor too and keep making typos.)

Yes, I am trying to keep my head high no matter what. And my mom does not use her car often, however, since I do not have the money to pay for my insurance, I would not be allowed to use it.

What would insurance cost you? Which company?

I don't know which company and the exact prices, but I would assume that adding myself on my parents plan would cost between $60-90 a month.

Do they pay a premium every six months? (I do with State Farm.)

If you paid the insurance for yourself, would your mother let you use the car for job hunting and a job? And you have a valid license?

I honestly do not know much about insurance because I was never taught. I do not have a valid drivers license at the moment, because now, when you apply for one, you must have proof of insurance before taking the driving part of the exam. I do not know if my mom would let me us the car, however I do have a car that my dad used to own, it's a little under 10 years old, but it needs about 1500-2000 in repairs before it can pass the emissions test and stuff like that. This is the thing that is causing a roadblock in me finding a job. I was never encouraged to get my license when I turned 16. My parents never signed me up for drivers ed. Classes. Although I do know how to drive, obtaining a license is second on my to-do list, simply because I get no support/encouragement from my mom. Like I stated before, I needed to do all of the paperwork to go to college by myself. When I applied for my FAFSA loan for school, my mother refused to help with her portion. My dads girlfriend is more of a mother to me. She was the sole reason why I got my two years of college level education so far

Well, we're between a rock and a hard place (Scylla and Charybdis -- a literary allusion for you). No job and that needs transportation that needs a license that needs insurance. Now what?

(I have ideas but want to see what ideas you come up with. And I was 28 when I finally got my license.)

Could you legitimately pass the driver's test?

Oh yes, I could easily past the test. However, nowadays if you haven't had a drivers license before, you must take a mandatory 8 hour drug/alcohol class. Where I live, that's another $120. So let's see.

-Drug/Alcohol Classes ($120)
-Drivers Test ($50)
-Insurance ($60-90)

That would be the cost just to get my license and insurance. This is without having a car. I would have to work for a month plus in order just to get a license, then I would need to sustain the job for the insurance, plus save up $1500 just to fix the car. But like I said before, the key for me is to find a job that is close enough to walk to where I can sustain myself for a while. The holiday is coming up, so that means some companies are hiring. I might just go back to a previous workplace, since they know who I am.