My name is Noel, I'm 23 years old and working in a hospital as a nurse. I've grown up in a broken family because of my father. Since I was little I've seen all the bad things that my father did into our family. Every time my father is drunk he always beat my mother and disrespect her. My father is self centered and boastful what he wants he gets, he doesn't care what we feel. My father is not only a alcoholic abuser but also a womanizer, he had lot of relationship with other women and the most painful part is he supported his mistresses financially that makes our family not stable.

Despite all these I never quit and give up to fulfill my dreams and aspirations in my life. I put a hardship to finished my degree and passed the license exam of my chosen field of profession. I never put any bitterness and hatred in my life. Our life without my father is harmony and peace. We live together with our mother, and we give our unconditional love to her.

Years has passed and days are gone, life must go on, till one day we heard that my father and his recent mistress leave him and go with her other man. I don't feel any sadness or happiness about what happen, what I just know is I don't really care with my fathers life anymore. I ask my mother about this if she knows about what happen to my father and she just say "yes" without any reaction and she felt the same feelings. She doesn't care about what happen.

I said okay, and it came into my mind to ask her what she really feels about what my father did to us, she just say never put any hatred into our heart because my father will still be my father. Until, one day my father went to our home for a visit,and we have normal conversation with him without any bitterness from the past. And another day he came back to our house with all his things. He never ask us that if he could stay with us he just bring his things and use our guest room.

And I we just let him because my mother wants us to be good with him. Weeks has passed and I gradually felt the burden inside my heart, every time I see my father it brings me back to the years that he betray us and leave us. I felt uncomfortable with him in our house, I became anxious and things getting bitter.

I'm a type of less spoken words person because I'm use to hide the feelings of bitterness. However, there was one day that I felt I'm bursting from the burden. I see my father having phone calls and text messages I don't know what brings me to read all the messages and I found out that he had still communication with his mistress. I just felt like a timed bomb that moment that want to explode and destroy the target. I'm not able to control my temper then, and keep saying bad things against father, I told him if he wants our respect then please respect us as his sons. And he answered I have no right to treat him "like" that because he supported me well financially in my studies.

From that day I feel the real me that I hide for how many years with the anger and bitterness inside my heart. I walk out and say nothing. I don't feel sorry for what I did to him because I felt good when I release those anger through him. I just felt its better if he did not came back to our life. I don't what him to be a triggering factor that will makes me unprofessional. I don't want to hurt him with sharp words that will came from me. I realized that we have to keep that gap that has been made through years.

I just found out that I was wounded and had lived with deep scars in my heart.

Wow, Your mom is an extraordinary woman as it would be so easy to feed the hate and resentment you have lived, through no fault of your own.

I am glad you can finally acknowledge and release all those feelings, and hope you keep dealing with them in a positive way.

I realize you are a long way from forgiveness, its not you fault your father was an extremely flawed human, who made bad selfish choices, but I hope you realize that you have already overcome his lack of common sense to be a better person, who can/has made better choice for yourself. That's a great thing. Maybe that was the whole purpose he is back in your life, so you can see that hatred, resentment, and anger, are wasted on him, as he sounds like he is a person to be pitied, and prayed for.

I think once your feelings have run there course, you will pity him, as I do, because he has wasted so much of his life, and he will never know the grateful love of a good family.

And that's a true pity. Take care of yourself, and be not troubled by the simple truth you have before you. Understanding will come once anger, and bitterness have run there course, of that I have no doubt. Eventually you will let it go, and proceed on a better path, and be free of his torture, and pity him because he will never be as free as you will be. He will always be tortured by himself, and his choices.

Good luck, and Good life.

My heart really goes out ot u Noel because my dad is the same way, but it will get bettet.. If he really hurt you then just get him out of your life and then he will see what pain and soorow you went through..