kjy9345
Oct 2, 2011, 08:57 AM
Please take your time to read this, your advice would mean a lot to this troubled soul.
I am 20 years old and so is my girlfriend. We've been dating for about a year and five months. We are currently engaged (not formally), waiting to be financially stable to get married. We are thinking of getting married in 2 years time. Our parents are okay with this as long as we wait until we are a bit older.
So my girlfriend/fiance is my first both in terms of a relationship and sex. I was raised in safe, caring environment with strong sense of morality when it came treating someone with respect, sex, etc. I am very sensitive, emotional as well. My girlfriend was raised more in unstable environment. She was exposed to sex, alcohol smoking at very early age. She lost her virginity when she was 15 and have been with almost 20 partners so far. Her past literally broke my heart to millions of pieces. It was so painful knowing that she had to go through all that and no one treated her like the way she deserved. All those ****ing bastards only saw her as a use for sex when I see her as the most precious and beautiful soul on earth. Her past is what actually made me like her at first, because I wanted to protect her, I wanted her to know that she deserved much better and she never needs to go through all that again.
I fell in love with her very fast but it took her almost 7 months to realize that she loved me after I literally sacrificed all of my time to be with her, loved her unconditionally. She used to always say that she doesn't know what it is to be in love and people change so she was always questioning me if I would ever leave her if she screwed up. I always promised her that no matter what, we will work through things and as painful as the things might be, I will not leave her. Later on after she finally admitted that she loved me, she told me that she now knows what it is to be in love, and that she wants to spend the rest of her life with me.
We had some rough patches just like any other relationships. I mean we are two very different people. She loves to party (drink, smoke, have fun) where as I don't smoke or drink. We are both working hard to be more understandable to each other. For example, I am planning to start drinking with her, and she is trying hard to quit smoking.
The problem now is that we live far way from each other now due to my internship. I would only be able to meet her in a month and half time, and we've been separated physically by the distance for about 2 months at the moment. I'm losing my trust in her as she keeps asking me the questions like "if I got drunk and cheated on you, would you leave me?" or she writes on her blog that she misses being held, she wants to feel safe again.
Then recently when we were chatting, she told me about her old middle school crush flirting with her, but then she said she is giving him a cold shoulder... And this made me snooping on her account (which I promised her I would never do). I saw the chat and he was asking very sexual questions. He was asking her if she was a virgin, how many guys she slept with and stuff like that. She would say things like "i don't sleep with guys who knows my parents" Then he asked her the question, when's the last time you had sex and she replied "like a week" ago. In the chat, she seemed just like her old self. But I saw her, and I know that that's not who she is. I admit, I must have had some trust issues and that's why I ended up snooping, but even so after I saw that chat, I still have faith in her. I don't think she cheated on me. I mean on that very night, she even told me that she would not cheat on me. The thing is that she does exaggerates a lot when chatting with her online friends, she would act more like a spoiled child or something. Maybe she wants her friends to think that she is cool, hot or sexually attractive, I don't really know.
I don't know what to do. Like I want to talk to her about this issues, but I don't know how to bring the topic about me snooping on her account. I really don't want her to think that I don't trust her, because nobody has had faith in her before.. One of the reason she ended up walking such bad past is that her parents were too strict and didn't trust her and gave her freedom. I do trust her even tough I have some insecurity issues.
I am 20 years old and so is my girlfriend. We've been dating for about a year and five months. We are currently engaged (not formally), waiting to be financially stable to get married. We are thinking of getting married in 2 years time. Our parents are okay with this as long as we wait until we are a bit older.
So my girlfriend/fiance is my first both in terms of a relationship and sex. I was raised in safe, caring environment with strong sense of morality when it came treating someone with respect, sex, etc. I am very sensitive, emotional as well. My girlfriend was raised more in unstable environment. She was exposed to sex, alcohol smoking at very early age. She lost her virginity when she was 15 and have been with almost 20 partners so far. Her past literally broke my heart to millions of pieces. It was so painful knowing that she had to go through all that and no one treated her like the way she deserved. All those ****ing bastards only saw her as a use for sex when I see her as the most precious and beautiful soul on earth. Her past is what actually made me like her at first, because I wanted to protect her, I wanted her to know that she deserved much better and she never needs to go through all that again.
I fell in love with her very fast but it took her almost 7 months to realize that she loved me after I literally sacrificed all of my time to be with her, loved her unconditionally. She used to always say that she doesn't know what it is to be in love and people change so she was always questioning me if I would ever leave her if she screwed up. I always promised her that no matter what, we will work through things and as painful as the things might be, I will not leave her. Later on after she finally admitted that she loved me, she told me that she now knows what it is to be in love, and that she wants to spend the rest of her life with me.
We had some rough patches just like any other relationships. I mean we are two very different people. She loves to party (drink, smoke, have fun) where as I don't smoke or drink. We are both working hard to be more understandable to each other. For example, I am planning to start drinking with her, and she is trying hard to quit smoking.
The problem now is that we live far way from each other now due to my internship. I would only be able to meet her in a month and half time, and we've been separated physically by the distance for about 2 months at the moment. I'm losing my trust in her as she keeps asking me the questions like "if I got drunk and cheated on you, would you leave me?" or she writes on her blog that she misses being held, she wants to feel safe again.
Then recently when we were chatting, she told me about her old middle school crush flirting with her, but then she said she is giving him a cold shoulder... And this made me snooping on her account (which I promised her I would never do). I saw the chat and he was asking very sexual questions. He was asking her if she was a virgin, how many guys she slept with and stuff like that. She would say things like "i don't sleep with guys who knows my parents" Then he asked her the question, when's the last time you had sex and she replied "like a week" ago. In the chat, she seemed just like her old self. But I saw her, and I know that that's not who she is. I admit, I must have had some trust issues and that's why I ended up snooping, but even so after I saw that chat, I still have faith in her. I don't think she cheated on me. I mean on that very night, she even told me that she would not cheat on me. The thing is that she does exaggerates a lot when chatting with her online friends, she would act more like a spoiled child or something. Maybe she wants her friends to think that she is cool, hot or sexually attractive, I don't really know.
I don't know what to do. Like I want to talk to her about this issues, but I don't know how to bring the topic about me snooping on her account. I really don't want her to think that I don't trust her, because nobody has had faith in her before.. One of the reason she ended up walking such bad past is that her parents were too strict and didn't trust her and gave her freedom. I do trust her even tough I have some insecurity issues.