I'm a freshman in highschools and I was wondering if it is OK to date a senior

My mom thinks he has a lot of baggage because he has kid but me and him have been best friends since I was in sixth grade and now we like each other and me and him have talked about sex and he says he wants to and so do I so I'm getting on birth control


Is this right and should I tell my mom?

He's a senior and already has a child? Your mom is right. That's too much baggage for you at this stage in your life.

Remember that birth control is not 100% effective. You don't want to be a sophomore in high school having a baby do you?

No this is NOT right. Depending on where you are, it may be illegal for him to have sex with you. If your parents object to his dating you, he could be in trouble with the law if he defies them.

A boy who talks about wanting to have sex before he even starts dating you wants to use you.

In any case as a HS freshman you are about 14, right? Do you want to get pregnant? No form of birth control is 100% effective. No one should be engaging in sexual intercourse unless they are prepared to have a child.

Yes you should tell your mom about this conversation and then listen to what she tells you.

No but he doesn't want another child and he really isn't a bad person I don't think my mom gives him enough credit...

no but he doesnt want another child and he really isnt a bad person i dont think my mom gives him enough credit......

I think you give him too much credit. If he doesn't want another child then he should keep his pants on until he's ready to have another child. The facts that he has talked to you about it means you are giving him too much credit. And the fact that he is even thinking about having sex with an underage girl shows mom is right about him.

But we both kind of brought up the conversation and my mother used to laugh at me because she knew we both liked each other until I got into high schools y?

no but he doesnt want another child and he really isnt a bad person i dont think my mom gives him enough credit......

I agree with Scott, you give him TOO much credit.

If he didn't want another child he would not want to have sex. Sex does equal babies. There is no form of birth control that is 100% effective.

Also, think about the baby momma drama. Do you want to be a part of that? Surely there will be plenty.

No I do not but me and her have come to an... understanding and he set her straight when she called and cussed me out because she knew he likes me

It appears that you don't want to hear the truth.

Sex=pregnancy. No form of birth control is 100% effective.

You are going to be involved in baby mama drama.

You are going to be a baby mama, and when he is done with you he will tell the next girl the same thing he is telling you.

I got pregnant not once, but twice, using BOTH the pill AND a condom. Luckily I was married at the time.

No i do not but me and her have come to an .....understanding and he set her straight when she called and cussed me out because she knew he likes me

No you do not what? Give him too much credit? Sorry, but we don't agree.

What understanding have you come to? You asked if you should talk to her, so whatever understanding you have reached is apparently incomplete.

You came here for advice, why are you arguing against the advice you are getting? What I see here is a boy looking to take advantage of a young girl.

Sorry, you are a child in heat with hormones going. You want to have sex to impress him and have a senior.

Ok, so if he does not want to have another child, do you know that no form of birth control is 100 percent, so if you are not ready to be a mother, you don't have sex, dating him and having sex are two different things, dating does not have to be sex. In fact sex normally means you are not dating to get to know each other.

And of course if you "love" him you will not have sex with him, since you mom reports him and he goes to prison most likely.

And your mom should have set him straight, he gets near you, he goes to prison

Lexis, how old are you? How old is the mother of his baby?

Because your mother is responsible for you, she needs to know any and all medications you are taking. If you do go on birth control, she needs to know. If you are ever have to go to the doctor's office for an illness or are in an accident, she needs to be able to tell the doctors what you have been taking. She also needs to know if you are sexually active. While you may think of it as a personal choice, it is also part of your medical history. Your life could depend on what your mother knows.

Wouldn't it be better to discuss it with your mother instead of it coming out as a surprise or her finding your stash? If you hide it from her, you are going to be betraying her trust. What do you think her reaction would be then? Is sex worth destroying her trust in you?

Any male who would encourage or support you going against your mother's wishes or hiding your sexual relationship with him does not have your best interests in mind.

To cat : I am fifteen and he is seventeen his baby momma is 18 and thank u

I am a freshmen in high school and I think I'm in love but my mom doesn't approve because he is a senior.
She knows the guy and likes his family and she used to like him and would laugh at me because I liked him and now since I got in high school she is just always acting like she doesn't trust me and she says she thinks he is a bad person but he is really a good person and we've been together for a while now and he told me he loved me first but I wasn't sure.

Is this OK? And Why does my mom care so much now that I'm in high school? ( the link above is just random please ignore)

It's not that your mom thinks he is a bad guy but she is afraid that he will take advantage of you. There is a big difference mentally between someone who is 14 and someone who is 17 (just guessing at your ages). Plus when he turns 18 if you do have sex it is illegal.

Lexis2323,

The perception of love differs from person to person, and the feeling of love to differs as per the frame of reference. In other words, the intensity of love, which you feel is your possession, and not of your mother's, but her concerns for you are always real. So, may be she knows which type of person he really is, as you are saying both things... I mean - he is good, as well as bad, as far as her thinking is concerned. Clarify, what does she really think of him, and moreover, her perception is not so important, as yours is. You be with that person, know him, talk with him, share your feelings, and do not be too, yes TOO intimate with him. I hope you are understanding what I mean to say. Wait and watch, and get close to him (no doubt, by keeping a certain distance) and KNOW him, and prove your mother wrong. But, also try to know why your mother says so. Talk to your mom too, at length about it. Lastly, culture differs from country to country. Which country you are from?

THREADS MERGED

Lexis' threads have been merged so that everyone can get the full story.

I am a freshmen in high school and I think I'm in love but my mom doesn't approve because he is a senior.No, her reason for not approving of this is not because he is a senior, it's likely because he has already gotten a girl pregnant and he has already moved on from that responsibility and now wants to have sex with a 15 year old. Trust your mom's instincts and experience with this one - she's on the money.

Talk of sex should come AFTER a relationship has been going for awhile. If he's already talking about, even if you helped bring up the topic, then that's probably his main interest in you.

I don't know him, so I won't say he's a bad guy, or that he's a good guy. I WILL say, that he's a guy. A teenage guy. His hormones strongly influencing everything he says, thinks, and does. That means, that sex is going to be on his mind. He's going to want to have sex. And he's not going to be thinking of the consequences, especially for you.

Most guys, even grown men, see birth control as the woman's responsibility. If the birth control fails, then it's the woman's fault. A teenage guy is not mentally, emotionally, or financially capable of taking his half of the responsibility for any child that may result. YOU aren't mentally, emotionally, or financially capable of handling that responsibility.

He wants to have sex with you. He already has one child. He is almost a legal adult. You aren't even legal to drive in many states. It may be illegal for you to date once he turns 18.

If you DO end up pregnant, then your mother is going to end up shouldering most of the responsibility for that child. Who's going to care for it while you're in school? Who's going to pay for food, diapers, clothes, and all the other things babies need? Are you going to get a job? If so, then who's going to care of your child while you work? Does this guy have a job? Will he pay child support? Does he pay child support for his first child? How will you handle middle of the night feedings and still be able to get up for school? How will you handle adding a job, on top of that? Will this guy be an active part of a child's life? Will he take care of the child when you can't? Feed it, bathe it, change diapers, hold it while it cries from an earache or colic or just because babies sometimes just cry?

Do you have any idea what having a child will do to your social life? No more going out with friends. No more school events. Everything will revolve around if you can get a sitter, or not. If you have a job, then you'll have even less free time. You'll lose a lot of your friends, either because they don't want to associate with a teen mother, or because you just don't have the time anymore to maintain the friendships.

Do you know what will change in his life? Next to nothing. You'll be at home with his screaming baby. He'll be out with his friends playing video games or going to sporting events. You'll be worrying about finding a sitter so you can go to prom, and he'll be worried about which party has free beer afterward. Your wardrobe will be whatever isn't covered in spit-up, and weekends will be spent doing laundry and just trying to make up for everything you missed during the week. He'll be free to hang out with his friends, while his mom does his laundry for him.

Please, you're 15, think about things before you get in over your head. If you're going to risk pregnancy, at least pick someone who doesn't want you just for sex, and has already shown that birth control is not his strongest subject.

Dear hheath tahnk you for your advice and yes he does pay child support and he is always there for his son he does pay child support ,he already takes care of his son more than the mother does and he doesn't even live with him I know this because we were outone night and his baby's mo called and was like aiden is sick and immediately me and him both went over there and checked on him.

I appreaciate your advice
Thanks!

Dear hheath tahnk you for your advice and yes he does pay child support and he is always there for his son he does pay child support ,he already takes care of his son more than the mother does and he doesn't even live with him i know this because we were outone night and his baby's mo called and was like aiden is sick and immediatley me and him both went over there and checked on him.

i appreaciate your advice
thanks!

Maybe he's not such a bad guy, but I'm still bothered by the sex discussion. You are 15 and sex should be off the table at least until you become legal age. Even then you should not engage in sexual intercourse until you are ready to have a baby of your own.

I would tell him point blank that you are not ready for sex yet (and you are not despite what you may think) and if that is a deal breaker, then you are sorry. If he goes along, then maybe the relationship is worth pursuing. But either way, you need to be upfront with your parents and go by what they say.

Lexis2323,

It is nice that he 'does pay child support' but as I said earlier, the perception of a person differs from person to person. Love is not only SEX, remember it, and so, if SEX is the only thing on his mind, do not 'be' with him. Also, this is the time (as you are yet a minor) you have to study, learn and grow up. Friendship, infatuation, love and temptation are irresistible at this age/stage of life, but you must concentrate on other important things too. However, I will not stress upon leaving him for good, just CONSIDER your mom's instincts+experience+concerns-for-you. Also, wait and watch. Do not assume that if he is taking full care of that child, he will do the same to yours... So, think twice/thrice/many-times, before you jump the bandwagon.

Final word - if you are good, nobody is going to hurt you, but why to be gullible/vulnerable. Your body is yours, and until and unless you allow someone to 'control' you, nobody can't, not even any devil/god! So, be cautious.

GOOD LUCK!!