So my girlfriend of 3 years cheated on me with a girl while she was black drunk, and what I mean is she had her panties down and was sitting on floor touching and kissing, while the other girl was "playing" and kissing my girlfriend.

My girlfriend has had a girlfriend before which I was aware of, but my girlfriend said that they never did anything but kiss and dance. My girlfriend was curious before (I guess) hence the girlfriend she had, but realized that she couldn't go through with anything further with the girlfriend, but they would use "toys" while laying next to each other, but never did each other with the toys. I believed her until this situation.

We were drinking at this girls house, and moved to a couple bars, caught a cab heading back to the girls house in the cab the girls (who's house were going to) was toching my GF's leg in back of cab ( I was up front) I text my girlfriend "so she can just touch your leg like that?" she replies "Wow really"
We get to the house, me and the girl are playing bartender I finish making drinks and pass them out.
I come back from bathroom, and they are gone, couple minutes go by I go upstairs and they are sitting done on bathrrom floor...
I ask what's going on, and the other girl gets up quickly like I'm about to mike tyson her, my girlfriends starts ranting about how she thought it was me/she can't see/she's had to watch me kiss another girl (which she forgave me for and it was just a kiss, less then that a pek)/then about how I want my baby's mom back and then she starts kicking my foot. Then she tells me to **** this girl, she just doesn't want me mad at her and to **** the **** out of her.

This girl that she cheated with, she never even like as a person...
I've been blackout/drunk and done stupid things but never really blamed the alcohol (when I was younger I did blame) but went into the situation with the aclohol to blame so to speak... So that's why my judgement is clouded.

1) Do I count this as cheating?
2) Is my girlfriend really still curious? (she says she not)
3) How do I trust a girl who wants to get into shape, so she can have a good looking body like some movie stars?
She ultimatly looking at another girl, yes I know it's a movie star but what about girls who walk around in spandex? Or who are running on the street?

I appreciate any input on this...

Looking is one thing, most people do even when in committed relationships. If you are honest, I would bet that you look at women other than your girlfriend. Nothing wrong with it as long as you are both secure in the relationship and neither of you are disrespecting the other person by blatantly staring or trying to get phone numbers.

Which leads into the next part. If your girlfriend was so drunk she a) couldn't see and b) thought you were female (or the female was male), then she has a serious drinking problem. Quite frankly, with the amount of drinking you all seem to have been doing, I think slowing down might be a good idea for everyone involved. I suggest finding other places to go than bars or friend's houses where the alcohol is flowing freely especially if she is social drinker. If she also drinks when no one else is around (not just a beer or glass of wine but to excess), then she might need to look into AA or a similar program to get help.

Getting in shape is a good thing if done properly. Nothing wrong with being healthy and toned up.

I would consider her actions in the bathroom to be cheating. I highly doubt she didn't know what she was doing unless there was more in her drinks than alcohol, mixers and ice. Where you go from here depends on if you think you can trust her and if you can give her a chance to regain your trust.

Frankly, I think she needs to take time to determine what she needs and wants in a relationship. She may be bi-sexual. Nothing wrong in that. Bi-sexual people are as capable of being monogamous as hetero- or homosexuals. Your girlfriend's actions while inebriated speak loudly of someone hasn't quite determined what she/he wants or needs. It doesn't mean she doesn't care about you, just that she has a lot of unanswered questions about her own sexuality.

How do you trust her again? Good question. You give her a chance to show that she has learned from her mistakes. No drinking until getting drunk. No allowing other people to play with her leg in cabs. Having fun with friends is fine, but she should be careful about where the boundary of good behavior is and not cross it. Of course the same rules apply to you. Even with past bad behavior, you are both equals and share in the responsibilities of building a healthy relationship.

If you don't think you can trust her, then let her go before there is more hurt, anger and frustration than there is laughter and love.

Good luck in any choice you make.

You know it all starts with the same issue, We were out drinking. There is the issue of your problem, you were both getting drunk and then you I guess texted to say it was OK for her to "touch her leg" If that was a guy would you have said that. Sounds to me, like she may have seen that as a go ahead.

Next it is not really cheating if it is in front of you, in the same home you are at.

So my advice, get into a program for the drinking problem, and most all of the other ones will go away

Fr_Chuck touched on one other point I wanted to make-your text in the cab.

I don't think you meant for it to be taken as an okay to play with the other woman, but it could be read that way especially by a drunk female who has buried curiosity about lesbian sex. Her response seems to indicate that was how she took it.

For future reference, instead of texting which could be misconstrued, say something. Spoken words tend to get the point across much better than written ones.

I don't think her sexuality has anything to do with her behaviour.

If she's bi, she needs to figure this out on her own. Guessing and justifying her behaviour as being caused by her sexual orientation confusion, or being caused by alcohol, or both, just doesn't cut it.

If you can't figure out yourself that you are not in a secure relationship where your partner doesn't 'play' sexually with others (men or women), then it is time to take a good long look at what YOU need, and want, in a relationship.

Let's just rule out alcohol as a lame excuse for any behaviour.

What are you left with.

Can you trust her to be loyal and faithful? Can you trust her to be honest? Can you sit down and talk together about what kind of relationship each of you want, and come to some understanding of where you are going together?

If you are looking for maturity- I don't see any. If you are looking for a sober, responsible person who is someone you can unquestionably count on to be faithful, I don't see it. If you are looking for a relationship with a person who will be honest, accountable for their actions, and mature enough to address relationship problems, I don't see that either.

What do you want in a relationship. How much of your life are you willing to invest in building a solid foundation with the girl you are with now. And how much of your life are you willing to spend trying to figure her out.

I can only tell you that the first time there was non-sex/making out/cheating, I'd be out the door and never look back.

Well I guess your girl friend is not trust worthy. In fact you are also not trust worthy. I can't trust any drunkard. I would say no on should trust any drunkard.

@CAT1864: Thank you for your input... I know this may sound like a question that I have to answer myself, but I'm going to ask anyway: Is there a way for me to detrimine (or help me detrimine) if she is bi?
Me and her have talked about her being into girls, and she swears it WAS a phase... this situation I'm leaning the other way obviously... but... like I said my judjement is clouded from my OWN past not just the small situation I had while with my GF. (thanks for input)

@FR Chuck: Thank you for your input, not cheating? Yes I would have said if it was guy, she should"ve stopped the touching in first place.... right?

@Jake2008: Thanks for input, I'd like to ask you same question as i asked CAT....

@AJ Hunsucker: Thanks for input I'd say im trustworthy, yes alcohol was involved when i/other girl kissed NO EXCUSE, and not once did i ever blame alcohol as excuse, when i was younger years and years ago i did.... then throughout years realized.... it was a very lame and immature excuse....

Overall i know the decision is mine, i feel most of the time it's worth trying to "move on" but it is hard because, she tells me she not into girls, it was a phase and couldn't go through with anything more then kissing, then this! I think i'm making the situation worse sometimes because i haven't "moved on" or forgiven her and this happend few months ago.... and i really don't have many friends anymore because they are still doing dumb 5hit in there lives i want to be in a relationship, so by my own choice i cut them out so i don't have the "release" with people...

Thanks for lending your input, and helping me :)

Only she can answer questions about her sexuality and I don't think she knows the answer. If anything it sounds like she is trying to distance herself from even entertaining the thought of being attracted to females. Until she works through those thoughts and accepts that she is bi or realizes that is only a fantasy, she is going to be conflicted. It is also going to lead to extremely bad behavior when she gets drunk out of her mind (though I am not certain she was a drunk as she wanted you to think.)

If I were in your place, I would walk away and spend some time setting up a new support system of friends who have the same interests as myself. The gym, hobbies, continuing education classes, etc. are ways to meet people who are at the same stage in life as you are.

Let her figure out who she is. That is her issue not yours. Take time to figure out what you need in a relationship. I somehow doubt a conflicted girlfriend is high on the list.

@ cat: Forgive my ignorence; wouldn't it be a good thing if she did distance herself form the thought?
What do you mean when you said "though i am not certain she was a (as) drunk as she wanted you to think)

I don't know what a "healthy" or "normal" relationship is... and from my point of view who really knows what those are... I've always almost thought that you can't have love without TRUST... I was with my baby's for almost 7 years. We had our daughter the 6th year and we broke up almost a year after she was born... there were times throughout the relationship where we didn't trust each other but we loved each other... man I need counseling... lol.
I love my GF now, do I have trust issue's in general? Yes, with her cause of this situation? Yes.
but I love her, and she has said she sorry X a million, and went and got my name tattoed (which I know is sooo early 90's) but maybe just she is telling the truth, and I'm blinded by my past (cheating before this GF)
I use to be a DOG for a better part of the word... so I know how females lie to their man, I've come up with the Lie for them to tell their man... ETC... Ugh soooooo confused!!

I really appreciate your input :)

The problem is that the thought is still there. The memories are still there and she is still curious. If she weren't, she would have behaved differently to the other woman's advances. She wouldn't have ended up on the bathroom floor making out with her.

She says she was so drunk she couldn't see and thought a woman was you. Either you are the most effeminate man in the world, the other woman is extremely masculine, or she was using a convenient excuse for her behavior. The problem is that being drunk isn't an excuse for bad behavior. Being so drunk you can't see and are making out with someone you supposedly don't like on a bathroom floor all the while thinking she is your boyfriend is a reason to stay away from alcohol and get help. If she was that drunk, I am surprised she didn't end up at the emergency room.

However, instead of passing out, she starts forming arguments as to why she was behaving like she was and blaming you. It leads me to think she knew exactly what she was doing and is relying on your confusion, love and lust to cloud your common sense. She can apologize a thousand times, but it will be meaningless if somewhere in the back of her mind is still the question of 'Did I like that? Maybe I should give it another try.'

Tell me something, how close to past excuses you have used (or encouraged the use of) are her apologies? What did you think of past girlfriends and men who accepted the 'excuses' as reasonable or the 'truth'? Gullible, naïve, a push-over... Does that really describe you?

Trust is very important in a relationship that is going to last for any length of time. Can damaged trust be rebuilt? Yes, with a lot of work. However, it won't be as strong as it was before. It's like a foundation cracking. You can patch the cracks but the damage is still there. Put some stress on it and the cracks can open up again. Add more damage and you end up with rubble instead of a foundation.

Believe it or not, there are people who don't cheat. I have been with my husband for twenty-six years and never thought of cheating on him and he has never given me any reason to even think that he might cheat.

You already know that she is holding you to higher standard of behavior than she is herself. You kiss a woman in front of her where there is no chance of anything else happening and she uses it as ammunition when she is kissing and touching another girl on a bathroom floor behind a closed door.

What standard of behavior are you holding her to? If she made out with a man, where would you be right now? Would you be asking about her sexuality and making excuses for her because she says the male isn't her 'type'? Or would you be asking about letting go and moving on?