I met my husband 7 years ago through a friend of mine. At first we only talked and then we wanted to meet. He directed me to his web page, which he has a pictue of his friend (which I didn't know was a friend, I thought it was him) and I mistakenly thought it was him. I said something about him being adorable - and he said no, that was his friend... so he directed me to another pic of the real him. He was cute, too but not the sparky cute of his friend. We then met in person, dated, got married, etc.

During that time, we hung out some with his friends. I always had this nagging spark for this one friend of his from the picture. He was sexy, funny, intelligent and just, I don't know... I was oblivious about whether he liked me or not - as I was so caught up in my romance with my husband I never noticed. His friend was even there when we got engaged. Eventually, we saw him less and less, until there was a point we didn't see him for long times.

By this point in my relationship, I felt I was being pushed toward marriage (we dragged engagement on for 4 years) but eventually just agreed. My husband and I got married and his friends was among the attendees, including this guy. I could feel the weight of his eyes on me during the wedding. I never blushed more. At first, I thought I was crazy, but it happened again after the wedding when my hub & I were picked up to go out with this friend and another friend. He was staring at me in his rear view mirror and his eyes stays with me to this day.

Eventually his friend moved far away from us. It's been 3 years since I've seen him. But I think about him all the time. My husband keeps me filled on him because my husband knows he's among the few friends of his I do like. He's cheated death, moved 4 times, and now is doing what he loves - I'm so incredibly happy for him.

8 months ago, my husband received an email from an anonymous friend (which I believe is his friend) with some music I liked. I was shocked that someone would make the effort to remember I liked this and thought enough of me to send it on. I thanked who ever it was via email (the email I didn't recognize) and never heard back. Out of the blue we heard from his friend this month via email and my hub told me. I decided to email him at his regular email address just to say 'hi' (which I've never done) and wish him well, with no response.

Since then, I've thought about this guy. He's single, will never get married and have kids (or I've been told) and isn't interested in settling down. I am still young (30's), married, no kids, and all in all not unhappy. But it hasn't stopped me from trying to find him, thinking about him and if he's happy, or dreaming about him. I just wonder, you know? I'm starting to think I'm nuts. Am I torturing myself over nothing? How do I not think of him? Help!

Whoa, Santofool! :) You sound like an intelligent woman. You know that this obsessing is not good for you or your marriage.

Sounds like you have hit that "7 Year Itch" wall. You know, where you kind of fantasize about what it would be like if,. You wonder what would have happened if you never got married. You wonder can I imagine myself being married to this man for the rest of my life? You know what I mean.

Honey, we ALL go through that at one time or another. Considering this man is your husband's friend, even though he has minimal contact with him, there is contact. Let's just say you can play out your fantasy for a moment. This guy doesn't want to get tied down, so you would just be a fling to him. He is friends with your husband so that friendship would be down the toilet and this guy would blame you for your husband's not forgiving him and breaking off the friendship.

The bottom line is this question you need to ask yourself: Is this guy (a potential fling) worth sacrificing your marriage over?

Of course, the answer is no. Did you ever see the movie, "The Seven Year Itch" with Marilyn Monroe? It is kind of a silly movie, but fun. Rent it. The guy talks about the boredom in his marriage and is infatuated over Marilyn.

Just accept the fact that this is part of what makes us human and there is no harm done as long as you don't act on your impulses. You need to refocus yourself on your marriage and ignore these little fantasies.

I went through something like what you are going through. How I managed it was to set up Friday night as "date night" for my husband and myself. We both worked dreadfully long hours and I felt we were starting to get into a rut. So, every Friday afternoon, we would touch base with each other at work and pick out a new restaurant to go to that night. Then we would go to dinner and talk about our week, funny things that happened, news items that we heard, gossip that we heard,. It really helped us to maintain the closeness we had.

If you still aren't sure, please reread this and I hope this helps you refocus on your priorities a bit.

The grass is always greener on the other side - until you get there. You say you feel pushed into the marriage and now wondering or still wondering what if... I think that is definitely part of the problem here - you never stopped wondering what if... what if your husband's friend and you had gotten together... what if you two had sparkling chemistry... what if you two had fallen in love.

You should have had the answers to those before the marriage. If he had thought he had a chance with you, he would have made it known to you for real, not imagined. Right now you are unhappy and look to this friend as a fantasy or infatuation. The wistful thinking.

You owe it to yourself and your husband to pull yourself together and concentrate on the marriage you have and not the relationship you think you might have. Rediscover the man you married. You might even, in the process, rediscover something about yourself. You are not a bad person for thinking about this guy, but you need to rein in those thoughts and direct your energies to what you have right there - a man who loves you.

Best of luck to you.

Thank you for your kind, smart advice. I really appreciate it! I'm starting date night with my husband this week as a surprise and we'll go from there... RP, thanks for reminding me about the '7 year itch' - it makes total sense :) Again, thank you, thank you!

SANTOFOOL! I am sooo glad that we were able to help! Yes, sometimes we do have to be reminded about things from time to time. Let us know how "date night" goes! :)