NukeNC
Sep 20, 2011, 07:20 AM
Recently, I have started college after a year off from school now if you have looked at my post about my break up it was a pretty struggling year off as I broke up with my girlfriend for 4 1/2 years. So I stayed away from women for about 6 months until I got to school.
So, I got to school and I met a couple friends online that go here so I wouldn't be a complete loner and I went to the introduction dinner with her when a bunch of her friends from orientation sat down. I was pleased to meet new people, but there was one girl in particular who was eyeing me the whole night and snatched my phone from me to put her number in it. I was a bit taken back, but very flattered by this. That's when she started talking about her boyfriend, and my sense immedietely turned off from her as I try to be a good person and being cheated on sucks, I know. So, me and my friend went up to her room to hang out with her and a few other people on her floor a couple times, but my friend felt more uncomfortable up there than me, so I began to go alone and hang out. Everything was fine, just joking around, hanging out, no tension. I was interested in this girl already, but as I stated... She has a boyfriend.
So, two weeks ago I decided I was going drink as my friend had quite a bit of liquor in his room. So, I had a little too much and this girl and her room mate told me to come over as they didn't want me to get caught by RAs. The next thing I know, this girl and me are making out on her bed. I remember saying "Nope... You have a boyfriend. What are we doing?" but it was difficult to stop. However it didn't go beyond making out, as I stopped it. Drunk or not, I know right and wrong.
So, things changed after that she would kiss me in the stairwell and I would shake my head at her. I can't be too angry, as I really don't consider kissing cheating but it most certainly shouldn't happen when you are in a relationship. So, we began hanging out a lot more and I began to leave one of my groups of friends to go hang out with my friends on her floor to see her. I'll admit, by that point it had become a full fledged crush.
The next weekend, she went to under 21 club down the street. I didn't plan to go, but when I was walking back to my dorm I thought about her dancing with other guys, and the urge to go set in. I don't understand this to be honest, cause the thought of that bothered me more than the thought of her going home to have sex with her boyfriend. Anyway, we went to the club and we had a pretty intense grinding sessions while the guys kept giving me jealous looks. It made me feel good about myself, and the compliments kept on coming from her. Nothing else happened that weekend, just an occasional kiss and a shake of my head every time.
Last weekend was when it got really bad, we decided to go to the club once again but I got the idea in my head to pre-game before we went with her and some of our mutual friends. One of our friends had a little too much and got kicked out, so me and this girl decided to walk her back. We put her in her room mates bed, as she wasn't there that weekend. I was still feeling pretty influenced so, I don't know how much help I was. So, one of our other friends came in who hadn't had anything to drink and she slept in her room mates bed with her. I decided I was going to spend the night once again, as I had done it before and nothing had happened. When the lights were out something clicked in my head, emotions and liquor clashed and I began to put some moves on her. After our two friends fell asleep I was whispered those faithful words "Want to have sex?" I have denied her before, but this time I said "Yes." I could tell she was taken back because she asked "Are you sure? You won't regret it." I didn't care at that point. Well, without going into detail... It happened.
Waking up in the morning, I really didn't feel that guilty. It was a drunken thing, but I could tell she felt awful cause she was completely sober. She iced me out for most of the day, no texts, I tried to kiss her that day and got cheeked. It bothered me a lot, as I was feeling pretty attached to her after we had sex, which is one of the main reasons I didn't want to in the first place.
So, as it was a weekend and I was feeling a bit blue so I decided to drink once again. I know it sounds like drinking is my main issue, but it really isn't. Anyway, I apparently said some stuff to this girl that I completely don't remember but I was told it was along the lines of "You and me aren't real, you have a boyfriend, your just trying to have the best of both worlds and its killing me" that is actually how I feel, but it was an awful thing to say. This apparently made her cry, which I feel terrible about and then I guess I passed out in her room asleep. I woke up an hour later and everyone was still awake wandering through the halls, so I began to mingle drunkly when I'm pulled away back in this girls room. She tells me to go to bed, which I attempted to oblidge when she began kissing me again. This time when we attempted to have sex, I think my guilt got to me as I was unable to perform. It was quite a blast to my ego.
So, we went to sleep and this girl woke up 5 AM and woke me up and we began fooling around once again. This time things went fine and we had sex once again. I woke up in the morning and was feeling really good about myself, I know that makes me sound like a douche but it was like being able to give the girl you had a crush on in first grade a kiss.
So, that night she went to visit her boyfriend and wasn't there. So, me and a couple other friends from her floor all went out to the woods to have a fire and have a party. My friend who I had walked back to the club, is very small and was gone after a very short amount of time so I was trying to take care of her so she didn't hurt herself. Once we actually got to the fire though, I began drinking too and got a little handsy with people. Going around showing off my abilities of how to kiss on the cheek to all the girls, and SOMEHOW I really don't know how this came to happen but I ended up kissing this girl I was taking care of. Later that night, we went on to make out and I slept in her room... Nothing happened beyond that. So rumors were flying in the morning and both me and my friend felt really awkward around each other and worried that this other girl would be mad at us. But, we told her and she acted like she didn't care at all.
This was the point that I was going to cut off ties with this girl, it was too complicated and she didn't really care. Unfortunate for me, she told me that she just didn't want to show that it bugged her in front of everyone else but it didn't thrill her and she didn't have a leg to stand on by being angry because I don't get angry when she goes to visit her boyfriend. So, things were fine and I resolved everything with everybody. Until last night..
Last night was our first time sober, and planning out that we were actually going to have sex. The guilt and stress really set in at this point, as we planned it hours in advance and I felt so guilty and the anxiety was awful as I've only had sex with one person and she has had sex with multiple. So, it took me awhile to get... Going. And we talked about a lot of stuff, and she seems genuinely confused about what to do. But, we both agreed not to deal with it yet.
So, that's the story... I don't want to hear "Your an awful person" or anything of the sort. I want advice. I really really like this girl, but I don't want to force her to break up with her boyfriend for me or cut her off. She's also like my best friend. It's a ****ty situation, and I know I'll be told "Just stop doing stuff with her" but it's a lot easier said than done. But, I feel awful for doing it. I thought I was a good guy... Apparently not.
So, I got to school and I met a couple friends online that go here so I wouldn't be a complete loner and I went to the introduction dinner with her when a bunch of her friends from orientation sat down. I was pleased to meet new people, but there was one girl in particular who was eyeing me the whole night and snatched my phone from me to put her number in it. I was a bit taken back, but very flattered by this. That's when she started talking about her boyfriend, and my sense immedietely turned off from her as I try to be a good person and being cheated on sucks, I know. So, me and my friend went up to her room to hang out with her and a few other people on her floor a couple times, but my friend felt more uncomfortable up there than me, so I began to go alone and hang out. Everything was fine, just joking around, hanging out, no tension. I was interested in this girl already, but as I stated... She has a boyfriend.
So, two weeks ago I decided I was going drink as my friend had quite a bit of liquor in his room. So, I had a little too much and this girl and her room mate told me to come over as they didn't want me to get caught by RAs. The next thing I know, this girl and me are making out on her bed. I remember saying "Nope... You have a boyfriend. What are we doing?" but it was difficult to stop. However it didn't go beyond making out, as I stopped it. Drunk or not, I know right and wrong.
So, things changed after that she would kiss me in the stairwell and I would shake my head at her. I can't be too angry, as I really don't consider kissing cheating but it most certainly shouldn't happen when you are in a relationship. So, we began hanging out a lot more and I began to leave one of my groups of friends to go hang out with my friends on her floor to see her. I'll admit, by that point it had become a full fledged crush.
The next weekend, she went to under 21 club down the street. I didn't plan to go, but when I was walking back to my dorm I thought about her dancing with other guys, and the urge to go set in. I don't understand this to be honest, cause the thought of that bothered me more than the thought of her going home to have sex with her boyfriend. Anyway, we went to the club and we had a pretty intense grinding sessions while the guys kept giving me jealous looks. It made me feel good about myself, and the compliments kept on coming from her. Nothing else happened that weekend, just an occasional kiss and a shake of my head every time.
Last weekend was when it got really bad, we decided to go to the club once again but I got the idea in my head to pre-game before we went with her and some of our mutual friends. One of our friends had a little too much and got kicked out, so me and this girl decided to walk her back. We put her in her room mates bed, as she wasn't there that weekend. I was still feeling pretty influenced so, I don't know how much help I was. So, one of our other friends came in who hadn't had anything to drink and she slept in her room mates bed with her. I decided I was going to spend the night once again, as I had done it before and nothing had happened. When the lights were out something clicked in my head, emotions and liquor clashed and I began to put some moves on her. After our two friends fell asleep I was whispered those faithful words "Want to have sex?" I have denied her before, but this time I said "Yes." I could tell she was taken back because she asked "Are you sure? You won't regret it." I didn't care at that point. Well, without going into detail... It happened.
Waking up in the morning, I really didn't feel that guilty. It was a drunken thing, but I could tell she felt awful cause she was completely sober. She iced me out for most of the day, no texts, I tried to kiss her that day and got cheeked. It bothered me a lot, as I was feeling pretty attached to her after we had sex, which is one of the main reasons I didn't want to in the first place.
So, as it was a weekend and I was feeling a bit blue so I decided to drink once again. I know it sounds like drinking is my main issue, but it really isn't. Anyway, I apparently said some stuff to this girl that I completely don't remember but I was told it was along the lines of "You and me aren't real, you have a boyfriend, your just trying to have the best of both worlds and its killing me" that is actually how I feel, but it was an awful thing to say. This apparently made her cry, which I feel terrible about and then I guess I passed out in her room asleep. I woke up an hour later and everyone was still awake wandering through the halls, so I began to mingle drunkly when I'm pulled away back in this girls room. She tells me to go to bed, which I attempted to oblidge when she began kissing me again. This time when we attempted to have sex, I think my guilt got to me as I was unable to perform. It was quite a blast to my ego.
So, we went to sleep and this girl woke up 5 AM and woke me up and we began fooling around once again. This time things went fine and we had sex once again. I woke up in the morning and was feeling really good about myself, I know that makes me sound like a douche but it was like being able to give the girl you had a crush on in first grade a kiss.
So, that night she went to visit her boyfriend and wasn't there. So, me and a couple other friends from her floor all went out to the woods to have a fire and have a party. My friend who I had walked back to the club, is very small and was gone after a very short amount of time so I was trying to take care of her so she didn't hurt herself. Once we actually got to the fire though, I began drinking too and got a little handsy with people. Going around showing off my abilities of how to kiss on the cheek to all the girls, and SOMEHOW I really don't know how this came to happen but I ended up kissing this girl I was taking care of. Later that night, we went on to make out and I slept in her room... Nothing happened beyond that. So rumors were flying in the morning and both me and my friend felt really awkward around each other and worried that this other girl would be mad at us. But, we told her and she acted like she didn't care at all.
This was the point that I was going to cut off ties with this girl, it was too complicated and she didn't really care. Unfortunate for me, she told me that she just didn't want to show that it bugged her in front of everyone else but it didn't thrill her and she didn't have a leg to stand on by being angry because I don't get angry when she goes to visit her boyfriend. So, things were fine and I resolved everything with everybody. Until last night..
Last night was our first time sober, and planning out that we were actually going to have sex. The guilt and stress really set in at this point, as we planned it hours in advance and I felt so guilty and the anxiety was awful as I've only had sex with one person and she has had sex with multiple. So, it took me awhile to get... Going. And we talked about a lot of stuff, and she seems genuinely confused about what to do. But, we both agreed not to deal with it yet.
So, that's the story... I don't want to hear "Your an awful person" or anything of the sort. I want advice. I really really like this girl, but I don't want to force her to break up with her boyfriend for me or cut her off. She's also like my best friend. It's a ****ty situation, and I know I'll be told "Just stop doing stuff with her" but it's a lot easier said than done. But, I feel awful for doing it. I thought I was a good guy... Apparently not.